Play dead
by AzzyDarling
Summary: !CRACKFIC! - When zombie apocalypse hits Middle earth, who will they call upon to set things straight? Well the finest of the finest of warriors of course. m/m romance
1. MadDog Maddy

Authors; azzy & erestorjunkie

Title; Play dead.

Fandom; LoTr

Rating: M

Warnings: Language, crack.

Summary; When zombie apocalypse hits Middle earth, who will they call upon to set things straight? Well the finest of the finest of warriors of course.

AN; Okay so I had this silly idea of Zombies and Elves, and since EJ jumped right onto that idea, we decided to try and write it. It's been too long since any of us wrote a crack fic.

"01 Mad-Dog Maddy."

iJust like the Pied Piper

Led rats through the streets

We dance like marionettes

Swaying to the Symphony ...

Of Destruction

Megadeth - Symphony Of Destruction/i

font size="+1"01 – Mad-Dog Maddy./font

Maedhros looked up at his cell door was opened, "The Doomsman wants to see you." The guard said. Maedhros just put down his pen and held out his arms so the guard could slap on some heavy special made cuffs. He waited patiently for the guard to finish his ankle cuffs too and then followed the guard down the corridor. He could hear soft crying and someone moaning that echoed through the halls, but apart from that, all that was heard here was his chains rattling the guards steps.

The guard opened the iron safety door to the elevator which would take them out of the rows of solitary cells and up to the Doomsman's residence. Maedhros knew that only the bottom floor of this realm was a prison, he had heard rumour that the upstairs was like a fucking hotel or something, where all the elves who met an untimely end, and didn't piss off the Valar would stay. Kingsize beds and all.

The elevator arrived and Maedhros stepped in, waiting for the guard to follow him. The door closed and they started their journey up. The guard suddenly pulled down Maedhros' collar and studied the tattoo on his neck. "Is that new?"

"Yeah." Maedhros said, "Personally i think it lacks a little pink." He winked at the guard, who just shook his head and stepped back. "What? Purple would maybe be better?"

"No, no, Black is fine." The guard sighed. The Elevator chimed announcing they were there, "Now behave, Mad-Dog." He grumbled and pushed Maedhros in front of him towards the offices of Mandos. Other elves from the halls were sitting waiting for an audience, or maybe had come to complaint about something, but they all looked up at Maedhros walked through the room, "Maybe someday we could get some silent shackles?" He mumbled sourly. The guard ignored him and just pushed him forward till they reached the chair put out for him. Maedhros sat down and smiled at the pretty elf that tried her hardest to ignore him on the other side of the room. The first times he had done this he had been nothing short of mortified, thinking the shame from being put on public display like this, knowing he was the object of hate for most those who sat here. Hells he had put a lot of them here. But now he was just so used to this parade that he didn't really care anymore. If nothing he found it kind of amusing, but then again it wasn't like he got out much, he knew that.

The guard pulled Maedhros up on his feet just as he was about to make a very lewd gesture at the blushing elf on the other side. "Come on." the guard hissed, pushing Maedhros into Mandos' office and closed the door.

Mandos sat behind a huge desk and just looked outside at the Valinor skyline, while blowing light grey rings of smoke out into the room. "Hey Maddy, long time no see, what have you been up to?"

Maedhros grinned, and walked over to the huge windows, looking out at Valinor. "Do you know if my Nana still lives at Formenos?" He asked.

"She does." Mandos said, "And i don't think she's sending you a birthday card this year either, kiddo."

Maedhros laughed soundless, "I'm not surprised." He lifted his hands to scratch his short fire-red hair. "So what did you want to talk about, Sir?"

Mandos offered Maedhros a cigaret, that he took with a grateful smile. "Yeah, I have work for you." Mandos said, reaching up, lighting Maedhros' cigaret.

"Oh really?" Maedhros said, clumsily smoking.

"Some decades ago the remaining elves had an argument with the mortals, which ended in a huge war." Mandos sighed, "We told them to get the hell out of that rat infested compost heap, and come home to Valinor, but would they listen?" He looked up at Maedhros that was still staring at the outside city. "Anway, one of their clergy found the grave of an old elven warlord, and unearthed him, they intended to use his knowledge of elven warfare to turn the war in the mortals favour."

"I sense a 'but'." Maedhros said softly, inhaling.

"A huge fucking 'but'." Mandos admitted. "They messed it up and instead of awakening a warlord of old, they brought a mindless monster back, with the urge to eat the flesh of the living."

"A fucking cannibal elf? That is crazy shit.." Maedhros laughed, but since Mandos didn't look amused his laughter stifled. "Okay, okay.. cannibal elf it is. So excuse me for asking, but what the fuck does that have to do with me?" Maedhros leaned in and put out the cigaret in an ashtray on the desk.

Mandos pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. "The epedemic spread fast, and there are hundreds of those flesh-eating fucks. There are some survivors around, and while i think it's their own problem for staying when we told them to go. Then the other Valar think that it's our duty to help and bring as many home as we can. And this is where you come into the story." Mandos stretched and lit himself another cigaret, offering another to Maedhros, who took it and stuck it behind his ear. "The Grey Havens are going to be reopened for a short while, and guess who is on the first ship there."

"Let me take a wild guess." Maedhros shook his head.

"What we want you to do is to rally up any survivors and bring them to the grey havens if they can't go there by themselves. And that is all." Mandos smiled, pleased with himself.

"Dude. There has to be more to it than that! Whats the catch?" Maedhros snorted.

"What do you mean? Apart from sending you somewhere where 80% of the population will try to devour you, and not in the good way." Mandos said.

"Why me?"

"Because I said you were right for that mission." Mandos said, looking away from Maedhros.

"Good enough for me," Maedhros shrugged, he could tell that Mandos was lying, but he didn't care to pursue it, all he saw was freedom, even if it came with some kinks. "What's in it for me?"

"I will provide you with anything you need for the trip." Mandos said, putting out his cigaret.

"A good horse and weapons, lots of weapons." Maedhros actually smiled at that prospect. "And i get to choose, i don't want to end up with someone assigning me with some girly ass crap."

"Done." Mandos agreed.

Maedhros blinked, that was just too easy. "And the big price when I come back?"

Mandos sighed, "You see, I wanted to hand you over Formenos, but apparently your dear mother doesn't really agree with me there, and i can't really just evict her, even the Valar has to follow the rules." When Maedhros just blinked, Mandos continued. "I can offer you to pardon some of your brothers. Or maybe a nice house by the shore?"

Maedhros' jaw clenched. "How many of my brothers are we talking about?"

"Five."

"Why only five?" Maedhros asked.

"Because that is all that I have." Mandos admitted.

"Bullshit."

"Would I lie to you?" Mandos argued.

"Did Morgoth wear a funny hat?" Maedhros growled.

"Point taken. But I AM telling you the truth." Mandos said, getting up from his chair. "Now, if you do this, I will personally see to it that every single of your family in my care, is pardoned." He turned to Maedhros, "Do we have a deal?"

"Even papa?"

"Even your father." Mandos sighed, he would agree to whatever within his limits to get Maedhros on that damn ship to Middle earth in the morning.

"Deal." Maedhros said with a smile.

"There is a catch though." Mandos finally admitted. "Lorien wanted to keep a leash on you, so.. Uhm.." Mandos fiddled the hem of his shirt. "You won't be travelling alone, there will be some treehugging fella waiting for you at the Grey Havens quarantine zone."

"You have got to be shitting me." Maedhros groaned.

"Sadly, no I'm not." Mandos said softly. "Lorien said that it was of great importance for a successful mission that you were accompanied by someone who is used to Middle Earth." Mandos shook his head softly so his long black braid swung back and forth. "I think he just want to make sure you behave."

"Fuck." Maedhros whined, reaching for his cigaret behind his ear, accepting Mandos' help to light it.

"Look on the bright side." Mandos tried, "Maybe he's your type."

Maedhros laughed hallow "Funny, very funny.. Sir." And walked towards the door to the offices outside. "When do I leave?" He asked with his back to Mandos.

"At dawn." Mandos said, "So kiss your girlfriends goodbye."

"You are a regular comedian, Sir." Maedhros sighed, turning his head a little, "Thanks for the sticks though."

As the door closed and Maedhros was taken back to his cell through the crowd of elves outside. Mandos picked up his phone, dialled a number and waited for a little while. "He's in." He just said and hung up. Feeling like a giant asshole for not telling Maedhros what was really going on, but on the other hand he didn't owe that deviant shit.

Maedhros took a deep breath of air, it was the first he had in so long, he had forgotten when was the last. Two guards escorted him to the ship, and while Maedhros didn't think it would have any effect on him this long time after the whole boat burning fest, Then seeing the swan ship made him uneasy, a little surge in his chest of guilt. He knew it had not been his decision to burn the ships, but he could have argued more, and not just walked away when faced with his fathers madness. He walked over to the majestic ship and touched the wood gingerly, those poor elves he had left there on the beach. Life had been so much easier back then, back before his grandfather had died, he had just been a spoiled princeling, admitted he had had issues, hells their entire family had had issues, but who hasn't?

"Maddy, darling."

Maedhros frowned, he knew that voice. Turning around he braced himself for his mother's sharp tongue. "Mother." He said with a weak smile, "How have you been?"

"I'm good darling, thanks for asking." Nerdanel said, sauteing down the boardwalk. "Funny, I thought that you'd at least pay me a visit before you whisked off again." She said with badly hidden offense. Lowering her sunglasses she studied her eldest son, "You cut your hair."

"Fancy that." Maedhros sighed.

"Prison fashion?" She asked.

Maedhros resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Yes mother, that is what it is." He nodded. "Now. Was there something you wanted?"

"Excuse me!" Nerdanel huffed, "I wasn't aware I needed any reason to see my son."

"Suppose not." Maedhros said softly, leaning in, kissing his mother on her cheeks. "It's good to see you mother."

"Likewise darling. Though i do wish you'd cover those crude tattoos with some decent clothes, and darling, do let your hair grow out again. For me?" She ran her fingers through Maedhros' shortened hair. "And maybe we should get someone to look at that, that problem of yours." She eyed Maedhros' arm stump.

"Why? Being a cripple makes it so much easier to get pussy." Maedhros said, knowing his mother would find him vulgar, but really he just wanted her to shut the fuck up and leave him alone. He couldn't deal with her fake attention after millenia of ignoring him.

Nerdanel's mouth became a fine line of disapproval, "Darling, you never did go for the girls, now did you?" she shot back.

"Fine. Man-pussy then." Maedhros sighed.

"Maddy darling, honestly!" Nerdanel complained, squirming. "It doesn't suit you to be so vulgar, son."

Maedhros could have laughed, maybe he should have laughed, because it was the funniest he had heard in a VERY long time, "Mother." He smiled amused. "I really have to get on this ship, i promised the Valar, and i don't really feel like pissing them off a second time."

"Alright." She sing-song, "Be careful sweetie darling." She leaned in and kissed him on both his cheeks, and gave him the most awkward hug known in history, before she pulled her sunglasses back in place. "Come see us when you're back." She said watching Maedhros as he walked up the plank to the ship.

"Us?"

"Me and my live in friend." She giggled, "Did you really think I'd be waiting around for your father for all eternity? You must be mad."

"Suppose not." Maedhros smiled and pitied the poor bugger that his mother managed to sink her claws into. "Bye then." He said, and just walked down into the hulk of the boat, surprised to find a huge horse there. He had thought he would just get one when he arrived, but apparently Mandos had felt one from Valinor would be better, "Hey there buddy." He sighed flopping down on a bed, "You don't get seasick do you?" He laughed at his own joke. He looked at the little post-it on the wall next to the horse it just read 'His name is Badger'. Maedhros put down the note, thinking that it had to be one of the more idiotic names for a horse, but then again, it's not like he had been more successful naming his own horse as a kid, whom if he remembered correctly had been named Bloodlord, or Bloodlust or something like that.

It would be a lie to say he was sad to see Valinor disappear in the horizon, and for the first time in ages he felt alive again, not just breathing, but truly alive.

A crying infant squalled behind the flap of a tent, and the reek of unwashed bodies assaulted his nose as he pushed through the masses of refugees. Haldir was exhausted, he had only gotten back to the Havens at dawn with the newest batch of survivors and was not in the mood for more of the Valar's games.

This last group had been a near thing. They were currently being examined by healers to determine that they too were clear of infection and possible bites. He would not be surprised if a couple did have bites, the shambling swarm had moved much faster than any of the others he had come across before. He hadn't lost anyone, but it had been too close.

The Valar had promised him some help, but he knew enough to be leery. The sense of humor of one of the Valar was not something he would ever hope to understand.

A filthy tent city had sprung up here at the Grey Havens. Once a peaceful place it now rang with cries and babbling voices. An old human woman with a sack of clothing on her back bumped into Haldir as he tried to make his way to the harbor. She looked so tired and defeated that he wondered if it had been worth it to save her.

The borders were heavily guarded to keep out anyone not cleared by the healers, but still there wer thousands and thousands of bodies here. Men, elves, and even a few dwarves all crowded together hoping the sheer numbers alone would keep the rotting demons that had once been their friends and loved ones from tearing them limb from limb.

Morbid thoughts were jarred out his mind when another human ran into him, causing him to stumble into the rickety support of the makeshift bizarre stall. Angry shouts and a few choice words followed him as he continued on his way.

Meet at the docks. His new helper was supposed to be on the next ship. The smell of dead fish and salt water washed over him as he headed toward the wooden pier jutting into the water. A ship had come in less than an hour ago and he hoped whoever the Valar were sending to him, they could pass the physical exam by the healers.

He was not the only one waiting for the ship. Hopefuls crowed around, wishing for supplies, or word of loved ones, or even a chance to leave the crowded shanty town that had sprung up in the epidemic's wake.

Haldir saw the strangest thing as he got closer. There was a horse on the boat, at the top of the ramp leading to the deck. Not many people rode horses anymore and it surprised him that anyone would bring one here. There was not enough room for people, much less large animals, and forget the food problems it would cause. Surely no one would allow a horse off the boat.

They did. There was someone leading it down the ramp now. A strikingly tall elf with shockingly read hair had his arm wrapped in the reins of the horse trying to coax it onto the marginally more stable ground of the pier.

The horse was not cooperating, it dug in its hooves half way down the ramp and was now being forcefully dragged against its will. It would have been funny if it had been any other time.

The red head angrily tugged at the reins and finally managed to get the reluctant beast to the pier. Haldir could not see that he was heavily tattooed, as if his appearance wasn't odd enough. People instinctively shied back from the now sweating and pissed off elf as he dropped the rein and rubbed at his temples with his left hand. He was quite clearly missing his right hand.

"Oh shit!" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Exceedingly tall red-haired elf missing his right hand. Sure as shit, the Valar had sent him a Feanorian. "Is this their idea of a sick joke," Haldir snapped as he approached the red-haired ellon. "They send a son of Feanor to stop the zombie son of Feanor?"

An explosion of expletives stopped the blond elf in his tracks. Maedhros was almost incoherent with shock. "The fuck!" He managed to spit out. "What the fuck did you just say?" The intact left hand shot out and buried itself in fine blond hair and yanked the now startled Haldir to him.

"Did you just say that one of my brothers is a mother fucking ZOMBIE?" Spittle showered Haldir's face. "You better take that back, you tree hugging cocksucker!"

Haldir struggled impotently to get himself free, but Maedhros was not going to let go. "They didn't tell you?" One of these days, he was going to find a way to slap the shit out of the Valar. "Maglor was THE start of all this! He was the first undead. Hell, you would say they are all his children!"

Maedhros abruptly let go and sent the slighter elf reeling.

"I think you have a little explaining to do, blondie," and stalked off toward the nearest tent displaying a beer sign. The recalcitrant horse nickered and snorted. Haldir noticed a piece of paper tucked under the bridle. "His name is Badger" "I just bet it is," Haldir mumbled ill humored as he turned to follow his violent protegé into the make shift bar.

TBC


	2. The marchwarden of what used to be

It's as forward as can be

Some things I do for money

Some things I do for free

The knife – Marble house

02 – Haldir the marchwarden of what used to be Lorien.

"So." Maedhros sighed blissfully as he finally sat with a beer, "Let's hear it."

"Hear what?" Haldir said, taking a sip of his own brew.

"Your plan." Maedhros stated with a dull expression.

"What about, don't get yourself killed?" Haldir sighed annoyed. Maedhros laughed merrily, and shook his head amused. Haldir looked straight at Maedhros and with his most authoritarian voice, with which he had commanded loads of soldiers over time. "I am Haldir," He smiled as he caught Maedhros' attention. "Marchwarden of what used to be Lorien."

Maedhros spat out beer as he couldn't withhold his insane giggle, "Dude that is one long ass title." He laughed even more when Haldir looked furious. "Not to mention lame."

"It's not lame." Haldir huffed

"Is too, lame." Maedhros snickered, he pitched his voice to sound like Haldir, "Of what used to be Lorien." He tried to control his giggle but lost it as Haldir's eyes shot daggers.

"Alright." Haldir sighed, choosing to humor the Fëanorian.

Maedhros sobered up, and took a careful sip of his beer, "I knew an elf called Haldir once," His face split in a dirty grin. "He knew a trick or two that one. He had this giant - "

"Shut up!" Haldir suddenly yelled, he was tired, dirty and stuck with this imp, for a moment he wondered what he had ever done to deserve this.

"Sorry man, i didn't know you were that delicate." Maedhros said softly, returning to sipping his beer, watching the patrons of the makeshift tavern in silence. They had been sitting like that in silence for a while when Maedhros suddenly leaned sideways in over the table to whisper to Haldir. "What's with all these men,dwarfs and other riff raff?"

"The hobbits?" Haldir whispered back.

"Is that what they are called?" Maedhros shrugged, "Yeah them too."

"They are here seeking refuge. I hardly think they came for the beer." Haldir said.

Maedhros' eyebrows knitted in worry. "Do they know?" When Haldir just stared at his red haired companion, Maedhros continued, "That they aren't getting out of here."

Haldir paled, "What?" he had nearly lost his precious life saving some of these refugees, and now this obnoxious bastard told him it was for nothing.

"I suppose you didn't get the memo." Maedhros said, opting for trying to be funny, but could tell that it was dead serious from the look on Haldir. "Only elves are to sail, my orders are to rally elves and send them home, and no one else."

It took a little while for Haldir to find his voice, "No wonder they sent you then."

Maedhros frowned, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Haldir shook his head, not in the mood to argue. "It doesn't matter, lets just get some sleep." He gracefully stood up and walked towards the exit with determined steps.

Maedhros still sat and stared after the silverhaired elf, mouth agape. "The fuck!" He growled, downed his beer, and Haldir's too, before he also exited the tavern shack in hot pursuit of his companion. He reached him outside, and forcefully pulled his arm, twisting Haldir around so they were face to face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He growled.

"Let go of me." Haldir hissed. Staring defiant into Maedhros' green eyes.

"Like fuck i will." Maedhros yelled, "Answer me first! No wonder it was me. Huh?"

"Get real!" Haldir huffed, pulling his arm from Maedhros' grasp. "I know who you are."

"Congratulations." Maedhros spat, "You and everyone else with two eyes in their head."

Haldir poked Maedhros on his chest. "Are you really that fucking dumb? They chose you because you did it once before." When Maedhros just stared at him, Haldir continued, "You!" He poked again, "You left your people stranded and watched as the ships burned."

Maedhros clenched his fist. "Shut up!"

"Are you ready to do it over again?" Haldir yelled angrily, poking once more.

"Poke me again and i will kick your pretty teeth in." Maedhros warned, towering over the smaller Galadhrim.

Haldir let his hand fall to his side, but didn't back down. "Are you? Are you prepared to repeat Aqualönde?"

Maedhros fumed, and without hesitation he punched Haldir square in the face. "You fucking bastard." He bellowed, "I am a lot of things, but i am not my father!" Haldir took two steps backwards from the punch, rubbing his abused jaw, flexing it. "I didn't plan his crazy shit, and i didn't fucking leave anyone stranded."

"Really?" Haldir spat saliva and blood on the dirt between his feet. "My mother was one of the poor sods that had to walk all that way to the new lands. So don't fucking tell me about you didn't leave anyone stranded."

Maedhros growled, an answer burning on his lips. But instead he just narrowed his eyes and hissed, "Yeah i am ready to kill every single one of these hapless fucks if i have to."

Haldir just stood and stared at him, not expecting that answer. "They are women, children, cripples.." He said soft in shock.

"So?" Maedhros shrugged. "My orders are to not allow anyone who is not elven unto any ship, under any circumstances."

"And since when did you decide to follow orders?"

Maedhros couldn't have been more shocked if he tried to. "Since when? SINCE WHEN?" he raked his hand through his hair. "Look Haldir, I respect your zest, i really do. But i know what it means to piss of the Valar once, so i am telling you. I don't care if you have some 'friendly' way of pursuading them to stay behind, but they ain't coming."

Haldir nodded slowly, "I see what you mean." He admitted. "You have a mean left hook there, mate."

Maedhros flexed his fingers, "Thank you."

Laying in the only bed there was, Maedhros stretched lazy. "Come on man, i ain't contagious or something."

"It's not that.." Haldir offered, looking out over the harbor from the only window in the shack. "I just – Look maybe it's better we sleep in turns?"

"Dude, we're supposed to be safe, remember? But suit yourself." He turned his back to Haldir and sighed blissfully.

Haldir gave up and sat down at the edge of the bed, carefully laying down careful not to touch Maedhros too much."There was a distress call from Mirkwood for not so long ago, i had planned going there next." He whispered.

"Sure." Maedhros yawned.

"Maedhros? Can i ask you something?" Haldir whispered, closing his eyes as his body finally made contact with the mattress.

"Maddy." Maedhros mumbled, "And yeah."

Haldir smiled, "Why that horse?"

"Because I don't know how to drive." Maedhros admitted.

Haldir was not sure what he had gotten himself into. Surely the Valar did not expect him to travel across Middle Earth with an elf as mad as Maedhros. Then again, it was who they sent him.

The red head snored softly beside him as he stared at the shadows on the ceiling. He couldn't rest, he kept thinking about what Maedhros had said. Only the first born would be allowed on the ships. Everyone else was doomed to either starvation of predation by the walking dead. He could not accept that. He had been working so hard to save as many as he could, he did not want to give up on them now.

The faint pick glow of a dusty sunrise was just creeping across the ceiling when his bed mate abruptly sat up and started tossing blankets off the mattress. His eyes wer still blank and he kept mumbling about "sharp teeth."

Once the thrashing became violent enough, Haldir decided he might end up with a black eye if he didn't get off the bed and rolled to his feet just as Maedhros decided it was time to start shouting and flailing in earnest. His departure from the bed freed the edge of the blanket he had been allying on and this in turn freed Maedhros' legs.

His shouting became so loud and his flailing arms so wild that he began to strike the wall, making the flimsy partion shake violently. It did not take long for the noise to bring neighbors to their door.

"Keep it down in there, you ass hole," one woman shouted. A man beat on their door swearing in a most creative way. Haldir was certain some of his suggestions were not practical or even physically possible.

The noise must have broken the hold the dream had on Maedhros and reborn warrior collapsed back on the mattress and rapidly blinked his eyes as he woke.

"What the fuck!" He shouted back at the irate neighbors and struck the wall intentionally. "Can't you just let me sleep you inconsiderate jack wagons!" He covered his face with his hands and rubbed vigorously. "Fuck me running." He groaned as the woman continued to shriek unpleasantly.

"I am going to rip her tongue out and feed it to my hourse if she dosen't shut up in 3 and half seconds." Haldir did not doubt it. He quietly slipped out into the hall to try to make peace with those living near him. By the time he had gotten a grudging calm and returned to the room, he found Maedhros dressed and pacing the floor eating a hard piece of bread he must have found hidden in a cabinet while he watched a pre-recorded "news" program.

The news was a joke. It was all staged and scripted to keep people calm and complacent. Nothing ot see here. Move along, everything is fine. Hahahaha! Back to you, Brad!

Haldir wanted to barf.

He had not unpacked from his last trip, looked like he wasn;t going to get a chance now. They needed to get moving toward Mirkwood as soon as possible.

"We can stop in Imladris on the way," he said, as a way to make conversation with the silently pacing elf. All he got was a rude gesture and ignored.

This was going to be a long few months.

-TBC-


	3. Meeting the undead

PLAY DEAD.

_Some boys are filling, some boys are filling the hole  
>They're making the killing at the top of the billings<br>Their role, and that's all that they know _

_-Death cab for cutie._

Maedhros, and Badger the horse both stood and stared amused at Haldir as he prepared his bike for the trip. Maedhros bit down a snicker, he wasn't gonna state the obvious, that a motorbike was not the best means of transportation, but he figured he'd let Haldir figure that one out for himself, after all, Haldir was after all his teacher, even if Maedhros found it downright ridicolous, it was apparently a condition of his temporary parole. Elf and horse looked at eachother and for the first time ever they were in total agreement, if you can be in agreement with anything with hoofs. "I hear you. Man." Maedhros said, patting the horse on his broad neck.

"Were you saying something?" Haldir asked looking up from sorting the saddlebags on his bike.

"Nope." Maedhros said with a little knowing smile, crossing his arms over his chest and just watching Haldir as he seemingly color cordinated everything from food to ammo. Actually he was suprised he didn't apply little stickers with dates too. If they had been on talking terms he would have asked the stupid treehugger what the hell he needed all that shit for, but they weren't, so he just waited for Haldir to finish.

Haldir took a step back to admire his work with packing the bike most efficient, according to him. "Alright." He said as he made clicked his tongue. "Lets hit the road."

"Lets." Maedhros nodded and just hoped that Badger would behave as he swung himself unto the horses back. Maedhros didn't use a saddle, but kept the reins. He could tell that Badger wasn't happy about it, and he had tried to explain his silent companion that it was just for a while, till they got to know each other better. He had however left the reins laying across the hoses neck, not holding them. He just wasn't used to riding a horse with all this stupid crap attached to it. "Yanno Badger ol' chum, in my days, if a horse didn't just do as it's master demanded it would be shot dead on the spot, and if it was big and fat like you, probably eaten for dinner." Maedhros said to the horse as he made himself comfortable on it's back, making sure all daggers, rifles and handguns were strapped in as they were supposed to before they left. Badger however didn't really just take that for face value, and turned it's giant head and just stared at Maedhros. "It's true!" Maedhros said with a shrug, "My dad went through riding horses faster than other elves change pants." He smiled devilish "Fine! Don't believe me, all i'm saying is; try me."

Haldir sat on his bike, pulling his googles on, "Are you talking to the damn horse?" He asked slightly disturbed.

"I'd be careful about calling him a horse." Maedhros said with an arrogant smirk, "He is meara."

"Oh." Haldir rolled his eyes, "So were you talking to the meara?"

"Sure." Maedhros nodded, and rested a hand on the horses neck, "Lets go." He said. Badger turned it's head and looked at him again like saying 'are you shitting me?' Maedhros closed his eyes annoyed, "Pretty please with a cherry on top?" And that apparently jolted the huge horse into action, and it began to slowly trod out of the quarantine zone Grey Haven.

Haldir just sighed and gassed the motorbike, "Eru, the horse is just as crazy as he is." He mumbled speeding up to catch up with Maedhros and Badger.

The road was deserted when Haldir stopped his bike to wait for Maddy to catch up on Badger. The Meara was faster than a normal horse, but it had no interest in keeping pace with a motorcycle.

A loud insect buzzed by his head and tangled in his fine pale hair. Haldir sighed and gently pulled the lfuttering creature free and prompted it to leave by tossing it into the wind. The trip had been quiet so far, no people, living or dead, had been seen all morning.

Briefly, he allowed himself to hope that the worst was now past and a measure of sanity could return. In his heart, he knew he was lting to himself.

A doto n the horizen turn into a line, then a form and finally Maedhros perched atop Badger, serenly looking around like a tourist on a bus tour of the countryside.

"Took you long enough," Haldir snapped as he started the bike's engine back up. It roared and coughed like a sick lion. "I thought you said this nag was a Maera." He snarked as Badger lazily swung his tail back and forth to dislodge flies.

The day had gotten warm and Maddy was starting to feel peevish. This was not what he expected. Somehow he had not imagined himself tromping through the country side with sissy boy of the forest for a companion.

Badger swung his head back and looked his rider in the eye.

"Go ahead," he said mildly, failing ot hide the smirk on his lips.

"Fine," Haldir snapped, "I will. I'll just wait for you when I find a good place to stop for the night."

"I wasn't talking to you, jack wagon," Maddy replied. "I was talking to Badger."

Haldir didn't have a chance to as what that meant, Badger answered the question by streching his long neck out and grabbing a mouthful of blond hair and yanking.

"Son of a dwarven whore!" Haldir smacked in effectively at the beast and glared at Maddy.

What ever creative bit of venom Haldir had planned was stopped by what came over the rise next. Shambling undead feet stirred a cloud of dust and insects as the zombies came over the top of the hill. A faint moaning sound drifted toward them on the breeze.

"I should have know it too good to be true," Haldir scolded himself. "Maddy, if you want to see a camp tonight, you best get moving." Haldir had already unslung an array of shotguns and one semi-automatic rifle from the retraining straps on his bike and began sighting his quarry.

"Lesson, number one," He tried to keep his breathing steady, not let the panic and revulsion that came with seeing the grotesque walking corpses always brought. "Aim for the head. Any where else may slow them down, but a head shot is the only way to stop them completely."

"What in the bloody hell!" Maedhros was struck still for a moment. He could not process what he was seeing. A dozen or more people we moving toward them at a slow pace, most were pale a corpses, and some seemed to be missing key parts. Some had lost eyes, or am arm, or even one, a foot, he clomped along on the ragged stump as if he felt no pain.

The maimed bodies made him beifly glance at his own damaged arm, but there was no time for any further reflection. Haldir had already taken down three of the things before he got out a rifle and aimed at his first target, a woman it looked like. Long pale hair came down to her waist in tangled knots clumped with blood and dirt.

He pulled the trigger and felt the sick satifaction of seeing the body drop instantly. Another fell to Haldir and two more in rapis succession.

"What ever you do, so not let them close enough to touch you. It is spead through contact with bodily fluids, and trust me, they bite," The light haired elf dropped another. Maddy was now determined to show this cocky wood elf that he was as good a shot and quickly fired off 4 rounds. Three hit their mark and blew the heads off of three dead men walking in a stumbling zig zag toward their minature convoy. The fourth went wide and struck a stocky looking young man in the shoulder. As predicted, he kept moving toward them. No blood flowed from the wound and no pain showed on the blank, slack jawed face.

Badger pranced uncomfortable under him. It was not the gun shots the bothered the steed, it was the proximity of the zombies. Badger wanted nothing to do with the rotting things. Things this rotten should be laying on the ground for coyotes to roll on, not walking toward him.

The final zombie fell to the dust and Haldir carefully lowered the gun. He scanned the horizons for more dead, but found the scene as still as it had been when he was waiting for Maddy to catch up.

"What in the name of all that is holy and foul was that?" Maddy shouted. "Where did these things come from, and what the fuck are they?" Now that the initial danger had passed, Maedhros felt anger spilling over him. It had always been his way of burning off the extra adrenaline from a fight.

"That," Haldir ignored the irrate tone and calmly began to repack the guns. Discharge weapons furthest from him, ready to use ones closest. "was a pack of zombies."

Maddy lept from Badger's back and threw himself at the much to calm elf by the bike. "Zombies?" You said "Zombies?" He jabbed a finger and Haldir's chest. " Just what exactly is a mother fucking zombie you piece of shit, arragant little bastard!"

Haldir shoved the hand aside and pulled a long fine blade froma a scabbard on the bike. "Come with me and I will show you." He was determined not to let the firey red haired elf get to him. He needed to keep his head if they were going to make it all the way to Mirkwood together.

He carefully approached the first noe still corpse. It was too close to them for his comfort. "A zombie is a dead body that dosen't know it is dead," He explained as he nudged the body with his foot, a piece of rotten meat slid from the arm where his boot pressed, leaving yellow bone to show in the bright light. "They have no concious thought and no compassion." he continued. "They only care about eating. And what they want to eat is you and me."

Maddy stooped ot get a closer look at the body. If he had not just seen it up and walking toward him he owuld ahve sworn it had been dead for days, maybe even a week. The putrifying flesh and fly blown skin made him nauseated.

"Don't touch it," Haldir warned. "So far we have only been able to prove that it is contact with saliva, but I wouldn't risk any contact if I were you." Maddy wrinkled his nose in disgust and stood. He would not give Haldir the satifaction of letting him see how deeply these things disturbed him.

"So what are you doing with your little toy there," he sneered at the thin blade.

"Just watch," Haldir said shortly and started going from body to body. It wasn't until his 5th body that he found what he needed to. A slight movement of a finger was his only warning before the confused corpse made a lunge for his leg. The blade flashed in the sunlight and cleanly severed the had before it had a chance to touch him.

"They can not think," Haldir explained, "but they can be stunned. Soemtimes they are not a dead as you want them to be."

None of the other zombies proved to be simply immobile and Haldir fastidiouly wiped the blad on the ground. "I will sterilize this in the fire tonight."

Haldir headed back toward his bike.

"Like fuck," Maddy refused to let the other walk off so quickly. "You need to tell me what these are and where they came from. Don't just say zombie and expect me to know what the fuck you are talking about."

"We can talk about it more tonight after we set up camp," Haldir said tiredly. He had lost any interest he had in talking ot Maddy about it now. "I will. . ."

Whatever Haldir was going to do, he never said, he stood open mouthed staring at his bike. Badger, left ot his own devices while the elves had been making sure the dead were really dead had taken the time to saunter over to the motorcycle and chew strips of rubber off the tires and somehow even manged to make sure the rear tire was completely flat.

"Looks like you mave have a flat tire," Mnaddy said dryly as Badger snorted in amusement.


	4. Ride faster, I hear banjos

Chapter 04/? - To be or not to be - Infected.

Haldir walked back into the makeshift camp they set up, smiling proud as he carried a dead rabbit by its hind legs. Maedhros poked the fire refusing to acknowledge that Haldir had in fact provided dinner pretty fast, probably faster than he could.

"Did you get something besides that cadaver?" Maedhros asked without as much as blinking.

"Eh no?" Haldir just stood there looking confused, Eru he hated that red haired menace for sucking the victory out of every single moment that should have been his. "Should I?"

Maedhros put down the stick he had used to stir the fire and looked up at Haldir, "I don't eat anything with a face."

"What?"

"I'm vegetarian." Maedhros confessed.

"Come again? You what?" Haldir sputtered, "You could have told me that before i went through all this shit to get this damn rabbit!" He shook the dead rabbit, letting it dangle over the fireplace between them. "Shit, you did that on purpose." Haldir managed to get out between clenched teeth.

Maedhros rose a brow, "I just didn't think about it."

Haldir just stared in disbelief on the Fëanorian. "You didn't think about it? That is sorta a major thing! Plus when i said I'd go hunt dinner, did you seriously think I'd go hunt berries?"

"Look," Maedhros argued sourly, "I had a very long day." He pointed towards the dead rabbit in Haldir's hand, "Eat your dead animal, I'm gonna find something myself."

"Suit yourself." Haldir huffed, squatting down to carve the pelt off.

"Gross." Maedhros mumbled before he stood and disappeared off into the bushes.

The rabbit was frying on the fire, and everything was calm, when Maedhros came back with his hands full of something that Haldir had no idea what was. Maedhros sat down and started to sort the leafs, berries and nuts. "Arrowroot, Eru i hate that shit." He mumbled, as he started chewing on something while wincing. He swallowed with great discomfort, "I hate survival eating."

"I would too if i had to eat the bloody vegetation." Haldir said with a little amused shake of his head.

"I'll let you know that once i ate of fucking gold plates." Maedhros argued hotly, picking out something else, eating it.

"No doubt you did." Haldir snorted.

"Dude, our house had the best cook ever." Maedhros said dreamily, "I swear she knew magic or something, cause i never had that good food again in my life. The kitchen aid we had at Himring was fucking imbeciles in comparison."

Haldir sighed inwardly but decided that conversation might strengthen their relationship, and no matter how crude and horrible a companion he might find the Fëanorian, he knew that they had to make this work, and these were the cards he had been dealt. "I can't even imagine."

Maedhros' face split in a shiteating grin. "My dad made me take violin lessons, he had gotten this idea into his head that i was musically gifted, and no matter how much Maglor would plead with him that he was the musically gifted one, papa wouldn't hear of it, and continued to make me take those damn lessons." Maedhros laughed softly at the memory, "I'm sure it sounded mostly like a cat dying in agony."

Haldir looked up for a second, "If i remember my history correctly, then weren't your brother the bard, Maglor who wrote the Noldolantë?"

Maedhros nodded, "Yeah, well he did eventually get to study music." He smiled again, "See, papa wondered why my music skills didn't improve, and he decided to come by one afternoon to supervise the lesson himself." Maedhros chuckled, and leaned forward. "He found me fucking my teacher, bend over the teachers desk."

"Eru! What then?" Haldir asked honestly shocked.

"He pulled me out by hair, cursing me out." Maedhros shrugged, "And he punished me by grounding me for a long time, and taking away my music lessons."

"He didn't fire your teacher?" Haldir asked.

"Nope." Maedhros snickered, "Apparently the poor sod had convinced my papa that i was blackmailing him, forcing him to do these unnatural acts." Maedhros ran his hand through his short hair. "I never blackmailed him, I might have let a comment fall about how my dad would kill him if he knew that he was fucking his firstborn. But hey it was not like he was complaining, more like screaming my name in ecstasy." He laughed.

Haldir blushed a little. And turned his head so Maedhros wouldn't see.

"Papa's anger didn't last, it never really did." Maedhros shrugged, "He had these tantrums, and if you were smart you ran and hid till it was over. But he never really punished any of us. But i suppose that would require a minimum of attention from his side to follow up on something like that." Maedhros said, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. "We wore clothes that was more expensive than what our servants would make in a year, we had the best horses and the best help. And i suppose that every time my mama got too difficult to deal with, he'd knock her up or something." Maedhros looked away and down at the ground, "Maybe it's a good thing i never had a wife or children."

Haldir almost agreed vocally, but opted against it. Strange to hear this tone in Maedhros' voice, he didn't know why, but he just didn't expect to find it there.

Maedhros looked up at Haldir who was poking the rabbit on the fire, trying to find out if it was done. "You have family?"

Haldir nodded, "Two brothers, Rumil and Orophin." He smiled a little sad, "And our mother. If you can even call her that."

Maedhros nodded in understanding. But something in Haldir's voice told him not to pursue the topic. Maedhros looked up into the starry sky. "It's just so fucking surreal that Maglor should end up being the reason for the end of days." He smiled sadly, "He loved life. I mean isn't that poetic justice?"

"Maybe." Haldir said pulling the rabbit off the fire, starting to eat. "I didn't know him."

"I was told that he had been buried somewhere around Mirkwood, and that some mortal scientists had found his grave by accident." Maedhros said, finally picking up something else from his pile and eating it.

"That is what i was told too." Haldir mumbled while munching.

"It's just so fucking funny that he of all should end up infecting the world with a deadly virus." Maedhros snickered. "He who wouldn't even fuck a hooker because he was afraid of disease. I swear i don't know how he dealt with the blue balls he must have had." Maedhros shrugged again. "It's impossible to jerk off that much, man. And i should know after -"

"Tmi!" Haldir held up a hand slick with meat juice to stop Maedhros from talking. "Eru!"

"Sorry man." Maedhros snickered, and Haldir was sure he wasn't sorry at all.

Haldir finished eating the roasted rabbit as he sulked. Why had Maedhros told him all that? Surely he could have gone the rest of his life not knowing any of that. Was the reborn elf trying to actually open up to him, or was it just another game?

His life growing up had been so different than Maddy's. It seemed preposterous. How could anyone be that rich?

Still mulling over what Maddy had told him, Haldir began checking and cleaning the guns he carried with him. He gave Badger a glare over the fire. Maedhros had laughed at him when he said the horse had damaged his motorcycle on purpose, but he was certain there was malicious intent in the beasts eyes.

As wood elf, he had never had much use for horses, and he did not trust this one at all. Even if it was a Meara. Especially since it was a Meara.

"So tell me how this works," Maedhros interrupted Haldir's train of thought. "We go out and find poor sods who have somehow managed to not become zombie chow, and swoop in to save the day and whisk them off to a fulfilling life of poverty and despair at the Havens?"

Haldir stared at his companion in shocked silence for a moment, his mouth actually hanging open. "No, dipshit," he finally snapped, his wits returning. "We find uninfected survivors and escort than to the Grey Havens where they can be defended more easily. It is a mess right now, but once we start moving people across the ocean, things will improve."

Meadhros rolled his eyes theatrically. "Same difference." Haldir put aside the weapon he had been cleaning and looked at the elf across from him. "If you don't want to be here, just say so, you can get on your psycho horse and ride your merry ass into the sunset for all I care, I have been doing just fine with out your help, thank you very much."

"Apparently the Valar did not think so, since they sent me." Maddy snapped back.

"Fuck off!" Haldir shouted and leapt to his feet. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but Meadhros stood up too, and now they were face to face over the camp fire. "You have no idea what has been happening out here. And you certainly have no idea what I've been doing so you can either shut the fuck up or get the fuck out." He expected the Fëanorian to get angry, take a seeing at him, shout at him, something. What he didn't expect was the deep warm laughter that bubbled up put of the handsome elf's throat.

"Then tell me, or great one of the unimaginative profanity," He snickered again and sat back down on the rocky ground. "Tell me what has been happening. Tell me what you have been doing."

Haldir sputtered and floundered for a second. "What difference does it make?" He finally said petulantly. "You do not really care what happens to these people." Haldir sat heavily again and put his face in his hands. "This is just a vacation from being dead for you."

"Good point," Maddy said almost cheerfully, "But tell me anyway."

"Well." Haldir said hesitating a little, "When the infection hit, we all thought it was only the mortals that would be inflicted, so we didn't worry. After all it would solve a shit load of problems amirite?" He smiled a little amused, "But when the first information about infected in Rivendell came, we worried. When it hit Mirkwood, we were scared, and when it completely consumed Lothlorien, we were doomed."

Maedhros opened his mouth to say something smartassed, but decided against it, and resigned to just listen, which wasn't exactly his strongest feat.

"We tried to fend it off, but in the end it was just impossible, i was on patrol with my brothers when we got separated, i searched, and Eru i turned over many silver haired dead elf to see if it was them, or hesitated shooting one for the same reason. -But.. When i got back to Lothlorien everything was gone, everyone was dead or uhm.. shall we call it reanimated. I can only assume that the infection spread like wildfire there, after we left to defend the borders. Somehow one of those foul things slipped past us." Haldir paused, "I mean the place was obliterated! Nothing left. I searched for my brothers but found pockets of other elves i knew cowering, praying."

Maedhros nodded, he could somewhat relate, even if the whole undead part was new.

"So i took them with me, rounding up as many weapons as we could, and set out to find a safe place. We came by a human village where none of us would normally go, but this day we had to go through, and a woman came running at me, i almost shot her because she startled me. But then she hugged me, holding on so tight i had to peel her off. She talked plenty rubbish, but as she dragged me along i saw she had hidden a bunch of kids in a house." He smiled a little, "And so we took them all with us."

"How did you know to go to the Grey Havens?" Maedhros asked.

"I read a notice." Haldir chuckled, "They are all over the place. Apparently as the whole thing hit, the Valar was already trying to round up their own."

"Ah okay." Maedhros nodded again.

Haldir's expression hardened, "We were twenty that set out from Lothlorien, and with the woman and children, we were twenty eight. Six of us made it to the Grey Havens quarantine. Six! It was a bloody massacre, those who weren't killed by stray undead, subcame to disease and being exposed to the elements." He looked directly at Maedhros, "Did you know that elves could contract pneumonia?"

"No." He said, "Maybe you guys interbred so long with the mortals that-"

"Very funny! But this is not fucking funny! Are you even listening to what i am telling you?" Haldir spat angrily. "Out of twenty eight only six made it."

"Admitted that is a shitty prognosis." Maedhros scratched his chin. "What about the elves from Lothlorien? Were they all in good health?"

"No." Haldir admitted, "Some were already infected, but we didn't know how it worked at all, so we just thought they were in shock or something."

"See?" Maedhros said with a big smile, "Had they been twenty eight soldiers you would have made it with a minimum loss. So all things' relative."

"Children woke from that catatonic state and tore pieces of their grieving parents!" Haldir yelled, pointing accusing at Maedhros, "Don't you fucking give me the 'all things' relative' speech, you weren't there!"

"Look, buddy. It's not like i never saw what war and death looks like." He said in a moments seriousness."And you can scream at me all you want, it still doesn't change the fact that I'm right. And you know it."

Haldir just stared at Maedhros, mouth agape.

"Don't look at me like that."

Haldir shook his head in disbelief, and got up and walked to his bedroll, "You take first shift."

-TBC-


	5. Fuck me i'm famous

Play dead 5/? - Fuck me i'm famous.

My ego is big  
>I don't give a shit<br>And it goes like this 

Take me by the tongue  
>And I'll know you<br>Kiss me 'til you're drunk  
>And I'll show you<br>All the moves like Jagger  
>I've got the moves like Jagger<p>

Maroon5.

"No way in hell!" Haldir huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's just a horse." Maedhros snickered, "He ain't gonna bite you."

"I'm not getting on that monster, and that is final." Haldir growled, and defiantly started to stomp down the road.

Maedhros shook his had amused and jumped on Badgers back with ease, "Haldir!" He called, "Don't be a fuckwit." Badger trotted up on the side of the furios elf, Maedhros held out his hand down to Haldir, "Come on man, don't be such a pussy. We're never gonna get anywhere in your tempo."

Haldir eyed Badger and his rider, "i'm fine."

"Dude, i don't feel like being stuck on this road for longer than i have to." Maedhros whined, "Get on the fucking horse." When Haldir didn't answer, Maedhros sighed, "Don't make me come get you."

"Yeah, you and what army, cripple?" Haldir spat, knowing it was very stupid the second it left his lips.

Maedhros flung himself from the horse, and had Haldir face down on the ground before the Galadrim even got to complain. Maedhros had a hard hold on Haldir's hands and neck hoisting him to his feet. "I wrestled the hookers of Balar Bay, what makes you think i can't take a elfling like you."

"Beca-"

"Aw Cupcake" Maedhros laughed hoarsly in Haldir's ear, "Clearly you never saw those whores." Maedhros laughed louder, "You had to have balls of steel to get close to one of those things, and well, honestly you had to have a cock of steel too, odds were those crazy fucks bit it off. But then again, that was a part of the package."

"Ma-"

"But if you could get one of them where you wanted them, goddamn boy, i am telling you it was the.."

"Mad-"

"And that was of course where the wrestling came in, not that i am gonna stick my cock in you though, because that would just be robbing the cradle a little, wouldn't it?"

"Maddy!" Haldir yelled annoyed.

"And look at you, sitting on Badger without you noticed." Maedhros chuckled knowingly, and starting laughing in earnest when Haldir grew beat red from anger. "Lets go, huh? Maedhros swung up behind Haldir.

A little down the road, Haldir had come to terms with sitting on this killer beast, and started to grow accostumed to the pace. "Were there really hookers at Balar Bay?"

"Dude." Maedhros shook his head, "You think i'd make something like that up?" He rested his chin on Haldir's shoulder, "Seems like you missed out huh?"

"Pfft!" Haldir huffed, "On what? The diseases?"

"You got a point." Maedhros admitted sitting up straight again.

They had travelled in silence for a little while when Haldir saw soemthing in the horizon, he squinted his eyes, "Rivendell." He said.

"Finally!" Maedhros sighed, "I thought we'd never fucking get there!"

"You're forgetting who's your guide." Haldir said with a haughty tone.

"Well Ranger Cupcake, till now you just proved you know the difference between north, south, east and west." He said trying to sound indifferent, but really just happy he didn't have to fumble around on his own.

"Valar!" Haldir gasped.

"What?" Maedhros leaned to the side, holding on to Haldir by his waist. "Wow man, that is brutal." He said looking up on the zombies hanging from trees, some had died a second time, and some still snarled vaguely as they passed them by, "I could have learned something fromthis back in the days man, would have kept those pesky relatives away."

"Do you have to make everything a joke?" Haldir said clearly disgusted by the display of violence as they came closer to the last homely house.

"And do you have to be so serious all the time?" Maedhros sighed.

"Look at this!" Haldir yelled outraged, but not trusting Badger enough to turn around while on his back. "I knew some of these people and elves!"

Maedhros nodded silently, "War is never pretty." Was all he said, but rested his hand on Haldir's shoulder, letting it linger for a little while before he took it back.

Trying to ignore that out of character touch, Haldir sat in silence watching as the last homely house came closer, "Do you think there's anyone still alive?"

"I don't know." Maedhros said "But expect the worst."

"Look!" Haldir pointed at an zombie-elf that hung dangling from pole on the side of the path. "That is Lindir!"

"Stop." Maedhros said, causing Badger to stop instantly. Chosing his words, Maedhros licked his lips, "Friend of yours?"

"No man, I always hated that fucker!" Haldir said without taking his eyes of the snarling, spitting parody of the elf Lindir he had once known, "He was such a fucking know-it-all."

Maedhros cocked his rifle, "Alright." He aimed and shot Lindir straight through the forehead. "Lets just go."

Badger started to walk again, and Haldir sighed sadly, "I would hate to see what you'd done to someone i liked."

Maedhros laughed again, "The same." He admitted with a shrug.

Finally they arrived to the once beautiful courtyard of the last homely house. Maedhros slipped from the horse, and without thinking of it, observing the windows for movement, holding out his hand to Haldir who grudingly took it and he too jumped to the ground. "I don't see anyone." Maedhros whispered.

Haldir scouted the windows too, when to both their surprise the front door opened, "Put down your fucking weapons!" They heard someone yell.

Maedhros and Haldir looked at eachother, and then Maedhros put his rifle down. "There."

"Hands in the air! Now!"

"Dude!" Maedhros sighed, but none the less raised both arms over his head. The elf stepped out, Maedhros "Noldorin, huh? They-"

"I don't wanna know." Haldir hissed, "That is Elladan or Elrohir, Elrond's sons. I regocnize him, and there is someone else too in the shadows of the door."

Maedhros nodded, "Kid." He said, "I came here to see Elrond."

"He's.. uhm.. undisposed." Elladan said slowly making his way to Haldir and Maedhros. He stopped still with his shotgun aimed at them, studying them, "You one of my grandmothers Galadhrim?"

"I am." Haldir admitted. "Haldir."

"Ah, i remember you." Elladan said lowering his shotgun a little, "How are things, how's my nana?"

Haldir took a deep breath, "Could we perhaps do this elsewhere?"

"Who are you?" Elladan asked, "You don't look like no Lorien elf."

"By all means," Maedhros said with a smile, "I think i will take that as a compliment."

Haldir rolled his eyes, tired of Maedhros' bullshit, he just wanted coffee, and to sit on something that was not that damn horse. "You should have listened in your history lessons." He spat, "Can we just go inside?"

Elladan eyed Maedhros, trying to figure out who he was, but none the less lowered his shotgun, "Alright." He picked up Maedhros' rifle as well and as he turned yelled, "Erestor, they are okay, i think."

Erestor peeked out from the last homely house and smiled at the trio walking up the stairs, "Welcome to the-"

"Oh stuff it." Elladan growled as Erestor silently started to board up the door behind them again. "Sorry about that whole thing outside," Elladan opened a door letting light and warmth out into the dim hall, "You could be looters."

"I'm sure that the dead elves and men on parade sorta would have scared them off." Haldir said with barely hidden disgust.

"Good to know it works." Elladan said with a charming smile, "But as Erestor said, Welcome, I'm Elladan, and these elves are the last survivors of Rivendell." He gestured to a handful of elves who sat listlessly littered around in the room staring at the two newcommers.

"I know you!" A elf shouted, pointing at Maedhros, "You are the Fëanorian!"

"Yeah, well." Maedhros squirmed slightly, "Some have called me that."

"The kinslayers." The aggitated elf said to the room.

"Yeah that too." Maedhros smiled charming, "My name is Maedhros though, my friends call me Maddy, and you get to call me sir." Maedhros shook his head amused, "Alright folks." He cleared his throat. "He's right, i am the eldest son of Fëanor, once the high king of the Noldo. I have been locked away by the Valar for an eternity or two, and now i'm here to get you good elfs back home." He walked casually down into the other end of the room, feeling all the elves eyes on him, "I understand if you have a hard time with this, believe me, i wasn't too happy when i got this deal either. And i am not going to force any of you to leave if you wont, but i am telling you that you will die if you stay, that good looking fella over there." He pointed at Haldir, "-And me, we are your best shot at getting back to Valinor unharmed, take it or leave it."

"But you-" The elf argued a little less vocal.

"Dude." Maedhros turned to the elf who kept talking, "It was politics, what can I say?" He looked over at Elladan, "Where is Elrond?"

"He's downstairs." Elladan admitted, "But you ain't gonna like it."

"Take me there." Maedhros demanded.

Haldir and Erestor just stood and stared at the Fëanorian from the shadow, "Hey Erestor, got any coffee?"

"Have we ever." Erestor said with a little timid smile, glad to finally be able to be of use.

"Maddy, go find Elrond, i will get me some coffee." Haldir called over his back as he walked after Erestor to the kitchen.

The kitchen was warm and sunny. The bright, airy room was so incongruous with the carnage on the path to the valley. A gentle breeze moved the lacy curtains as Erestor pulled a large can of coffee out of a cabinet and started scooping large spoonfuls into the filter. It was as if none of the insanity of the previous months had ever happened. Just a calm morning, two elves sharing a cup of coffee. Never mind the blood and dirt under his nails, and in his hair.

As the squirrley little couselor started the pot, Haldir had a memory of them here before. It had been decades before, times were still good. He remembered sitting in the same chair, looking out the same window. Erestor had. . .

Haldir blushed at the memory. Time to shut that down. The dark haired elf had attempted to seduce him that morning. It had ended awkwardly for both of them. He needed to get the memory out of his head.

"How had you been, Erestor," Haldir tried to make polite conversation. The couselor shrugged and brushed his hair back briefly exposing the side of his long neck. A bruise with the unmistakable imprint of teeth came into view and was quickly hidden by the long black hair. "Fine," Was his only answer.

"Who bit you?" He asked, alarmed. He started to stand, to go look at he mark more closely.

"What does it matter to you," Erestor snapped, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "You made it quite clear that you were not interested before."

Haldir blushed again. He obviously had not been the only one who remembered that unpleasant moment. "It's not that!" Haldir stammered. "If one of the infected ones bit you, you could be infected to!"

Erestor rolled his eyes. "Well then, do not concern yourself. I can assure you, he - " He paused briefly, trying not to let the emotion show in his vocie. " - Is. . was. . fond of biting while fucking. He was NOT sick at the time."

Haldir felt his face get impossibly hotter. He felt foolish for prying and embarressed to hear such a frank description from the nervous little elf. He stammered an apology and started to sit down again.

Erestor stalked toward the embarrassed Galadhrim. "You need more details. Want to know how big his dick is?"

"Enough!" Haldir got up from his chair so fast he kocked it over. He had to resit the urge to cover his ears.

"Calm down," Erestor returned to the coffee pot and poured two cups. "I wouldn't tell you even if you asked." He handed Haldir one cup.

The cup shattered on the stone tiles when the gun shot rang out. Erestor turned a shade of pale that should not have been possible and clutched his chest in surprise. "Oh no. No, no.  
>He moaned as he staggered toward the hall.<p>

Elladan walked down the basement, and slowly opening a door to what Maedhros thought might have been a pantry once. "Eru!" Maedhros gasped, clasping a hand over his own mouth, not having taken the creators name in his mouth for decades. "What the fuck is that?"

"My dad." Elladan admitted with a little sad sigh.

"Oh Elrond." Maedhros said and a strange serious and sad expression flashed over his features and crept into his voice. "Why is he here?" He asked with a voice so low Elladan had to step closer to hear.

"We didn't know what to do with him." Elladan admitted.

"YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM?" Maedhros bellowed angry, "That must be the lamest fucking excuse i ever heard." He gestured towards the flesheating Elrond-thing that struggled in his shackles to devour his son and fosterfather. "He is a fucking zombie, do you treehuggers all go around and preserve them? Next we know you might fight for their rights and feed them organic elf meat."

"But." Elladan looked down at the ground between his feet, being scolded like a child.

"Shit, i hope you take after your mother, because Elrond was never this fucking daft." Maedhros growled, "Shoot him kid, what are you waiting for?"

"I can't.." Elladan admitted, "I tried a million times." He looked up at Maedhros miserably, "He's my dad."

"He's my son." Maedhros stated, "Give me that rifle."

"You can't.." Elladan started, but didn't struggle as Maedhros took the shotgun.

"Watch me." Maedhros hissed, he aimed at the Elrond-thing and stepped a little closer so he wouldn't miss the shot. "I'm sorry kiddo." He mumbled, not sure if he said it to Elrond or to Elladan. And pulled the trigger, painting the pantry with Elrond's brains. He wiped some blood splatter off his cheek and handed the shotgun back to Elladan.

Elladan took the shotgun with tremblings hands.

Maedhros pulled Elladan in for a hug, "You're gonna be fine." He whispered, "I have a habit of picking up strays."

Elladan just buried his head in Maedhros' chest and wept.

Maedhros caressed Elladan's hair, soothing him. "It was the right thing to do." He whispered, "Elrond would have done the same thing."

Elladan nodded "He got bit trying to save me."

"Sounds like that little fool, alright. We taught him well." Maedhros smiled, "Come on, lets get upstairs and get some of that coffee that Haldir and his cute friend wanted to make, and see if we can find Elronds liquor stass." He gently guided Elladan up the stairs. At the top of the steps, Maedhros pulled the distraught Elladan in for another hug, ignoring that they got Elrond's blood smeared in the process. "Chin up, I'm here."

Erestor came running, seeing Maedhros and Elladan at the top of the stairs. "I heard a gunshot." He said nervously fideting his hands.

"Dad is dead."

Maedhros smiled awkwardly at Erestor's shocked expression. "The king is dead, long live the king."

Erestor just stood there and stared at Elladan, "I'm sorry."

"Sure you are." Elladan sighed sounding tired to the bone, "Give me the keys to his study."

"But." Erestor argued.

"Just fucking hand them over!" Elladan demanded, holding out his hand, waiting for Erestor to find the right key in his keychain.

Erestor put the key in Elladan's hand, "Never thought i'd see the day." He muttered displeased.

"Well, neither did I." Elladan huffed and stomped off in a bee-line to Elronds study.

"Zombie apocalypse and shit. Does crazy things to an elf," Maedhros said, winking at Erestor who was completely baffled. "Want a drink honey?"

Erestor just blinked, "But Elrond..." He narrowed his eyes for a second, "_You_ shot him?"

"He is dead honey, and that is what matters." Maedhros said pocketing his hand, leaning casually up against the wall, studying the elf infront of him, he dressed old fashioned, traditional, but he wasn't that old, his eyes were young, and his face innocent. Damn he was a cute little thing. "He wasn't Elrond anymore, you know that."

Erestor nodded weakly.

"Now, want that drink? We shouldn't let the kid drink unattended." Maedhros pushed off the wall and walked upstairs after Elladan, and grinned to himself as Erestor reluctantly followed.

Maedhros sat in a comfortable chair, looking at Erestor and Haldir we were going through the medical stuff that Elrond had tucked away in his study. Maedhros craned his neck and looked at a finely painted picture on the wall, "Damn." He laughed, "That's me and my brothers" He cleared his throat, "Back when i was young and attractive, that is. And Maglor hadn't unleased a damn plague on the world."

Elladan looked up and for the first time in some time he smiled, "You look like a idiot on that painting."

"Yeah well that was fashion back then." Maedhros said with an embarassed grin.

"You never answered me Haldir." Elladan suddenly said, "What about Lorien."

Haldir took a deep breath and put down what he had in his hands and reached for his drink. "Truthfully, they are all dead, your grandparents too."

"Oh." Elladan sagged down in the windowsill and started to hyperventilate.

"Don't just stand there, give the poor kid a bag to breathe in." Haldir yelled.

"I'm fine." Elladan whispered, "I was just.. surprised." He wiped fresh tears off in his sleeve. "It was just a month ago my life was normal, and now, my brother is missing, but dad is dead, my grandparents are dead, and the world is falling apart.. What the hell man?"

"I admit it is a lot to take in." Haldir admitted.

"And Glorfindel." Erestor said with a tiny voice.

"What about Glorfindel?" Haldir asked, remembering the warrior from visits, he had seemed like a jovial fella, a little too happy with the girls, but who could blame him? Every female and male elf for that matter had thrown themselves at his feet.

"He is in his room." Erestor started, "- Dad bit him." Elladan finished.

"Dude," Maedhros groaned and downed his drink, filling another. "Don't tell me you got more zombies chained up here."

"Technically not." Eerestor said, "He isn't dead yet. Just very sick."

"You people are twisted." Maedhros mumbled, earning himself a sharp glare from Haldir, "Well if keeping zombies chained up ain't twisted, i don't know what is!" He argued in a childish defence.

"Shut up!" Haldir growled, "Just shut the fuck up!"

"Alright." Maedhros yielded, returning to his drink.

"We have to go by Mirkwood when we leave here." Elladan said with a determined pose, every bit as regal as his father had been. "Elrohir went there with Legolas and the other Mirkwood elves when they came here for help." He filled his glass again too, "I am not going anywhere without Elrohir."

"Fair enough." Maedhros said fatherly.

A couple more drinks and Haldir was ready to go look at the elf in the bedroom.

Apparently Maddy had a few more drinks than Haldir had realized, and when Erestor asked him to go check on Glorfindel, the Fëanorian had go into a laughing fit and grabbed Haldirs ass and squeezed leered, "Nurse Buttercup to the rescue, Tell me, do you make house calls?" Maedhros winked.

He had no idea what other obscenity might some out of Maddy's mouth because he hit him in the left eye hard enough to stagger the bigger elf. The resulting string of profanity was both colorful and imaginative. And before Maedhros had time to collect himself, but hopefully sober up a little, Haldir left Elrond's study.

Haldir wasn't sure what to expect as he walked into Glorfindel's bedroom, but it wasn't what he saw. The large blond warrior lay on an impossible huge bed, his muscled form covered in sweat, his skin a pale grey. The breath rattled in his lungs like he was drowning. Deep sores dotted the once flawless skin. Haldir was relieved to see the chains holding the elf to the bed. He would not have wanted to get any closer if he had been free to move about. There was no doubt, Glorfindel was dying and it was as ugly a death as you could have. It probably made getting dragged down into the bowels of the earth by a balrog look like a picnic. Haldir had seen enough, but he also was not in a hurry to go back out in the hall. Not only did he dread giving Elladan and Erestor the news that Glorfindel was dying, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to face Maddy just yet.

Haldir went back into the hall, grateful to close the door behind him. "I'm sorry," he said to the pair of dark haired elves that huddled outside the door. "He is infected, and will die soon." He refused to look up when he heard the sniffles and stiffled sobs.

Maddy pushed away from the wall, and grabbed the shot gun from its place propped against the doorframe. "Then it's time to do a little light housework." He checked the slugs were all counted for in the chamber. "A dead zombie is the only good zombie, bro." the flamboyant red head announced as he pushed the door open to the bed room.

Erestor and Elladan kept their arms tightly arounds each other as they waited for the gun shot.

When it came, thay all jumped in spite of them selves. More tears came and even Haldir was starting to feel misty eyed over an elf he barely knew when Maddy reappeared. "Check ito ut," he ammounced in the most horribly an inappropriately cheerful voice. "This guy had all sorts of crazy shit!" He was wearing a skin tight baby blue tee-shirt with the words "FUCK ME I'M FAMOUS" in bright red letters silk screened across the front.

All three elves in the hall stood appalled, unable to speak.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Haldir managed to squeak out. "Are you raiding the closets of the dead?"

"Look here," Maddy snapped, annoyed. "You need to get that stick out of your ass, and chill the fuck out." He flung open the door to show the bed across the room. The body on the bed had been tastefully covered by a heavy comforter. "I could either walk around wearing my adopted son's brains as a fashion statement, or I could find something else to wear." Maedhros indignated expression made way for a huge shiteating grin, "You might also be pleased to know, he had a fantastic collection of porn to go with some of those fabulous cat suits."

"You are truly reprehensible!" Haldir spat out before crossing his arms and leaning against the far wall.

"Really?" Elladan asked cautious, but a little too cheerfull, all things taken into consideration.

"Yeah man." Maedhros chuckled, entering the room, roaming around a little untill he called out, "All anal on the western front," He chuckled, "Or what about 'Dude where's my dildo." He paused, "I swear it's called that!" Maedhros had a hysterical laughing fit which made the elves step closer out of morbid curiosity, "What about.." He had to collect himself in his laughing fit, "Dead men don't wear rubbers', He laughed harder, "Or, 'Let's play anal twister'."

"Maddy." Haldir said, rubbing his face tired.

"Big trouble in little Vagina? Maybe that is more you?" Maedhros chuckled, appearing in the door waving a video.

"Maedhros! Leave the elf's pityful porn alone." Haldir groaned.

"Alright." Maedhros sighed, "But i am so taking some of these with me." He tossed a couple of casettes at Elladan who caught them with a grin and a blush. "See? He understands, one elf's misery is anothers goldmine!" He eyed Haldir, "Are you sure? There is also 'topless brainsurgeons'."

"You are..." Haldir sighed, "You build their pyre, I want nothing to do with this shit. I need a nap."

"Naaaah!" Maedhros whined childish, "Shit!" He pushed the porn he collected over in Elladan's arms, and hurried after Haldir. "No way i am gonna... Haldir! Are you listening?"

"Nope!" Haldir answered clipped, but a smile spread on his face. "Ask your new best friends to help you out with that one."

"Aw.." Maedhros whined again, "Alright, I suppose i can do it for Elrond. Family and all." He pointed at Haldir's back, "But i am 'so' gonna get you for this, you know that, don't you?"

Haldir just shut the door to a bedroom with a lound slam, ending the conversation right there.

TBC


	6. Prude & Prejudice

Authors; azzy & erestorjunkie

Title; Play dead.

Fandom; LoTr

Rating: M

WIP; 6/?

Warnings: Language, crack.

Summary; When zombie apocalypse hits Middle earth, who will they call upon to set things straight? Well the finest of the finest of warriors of course.

AN; Okay so I had this silly idea of Zombies and Elves, and since EJ jumped right onto that idea, we decided to try and write it. It's been too long since any of us wrote a crack fic.

emBaby..did you forget to take your meds?

Baby..did you forget to take your meds?

Baby..did you forget to take your meds?

Baby..did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone, falling free, trying my best not to forget.

-Placebo/em

Cursing under his breath Maedhros found himself in the garden of Imladris, he sighed and looked at Elladan, "I think it would be real stupid to build a pyre." And before Elladan could object, Maedhros continued, "A fire would maybe attract more of those things."

Elladan nodded as it made sense but he wasn't really buying it.

"Look kiddo." Maedhros said and in a genuine affectionate moment laid his hand on Elladan's shoulder, "We should bury them as men, like the Dunedain did. Practical, and much less flashy than a huge fire."

"It makes sense." Elladan reasoned, "But i don't think any of the other elves here will accept it."

"Hey man, we could always torch the last homely house instead. Would save us the trouble too." Maedhros smiled, ruffling Elladan's hair. "In case you didn't notice, you are the lord now, and you can do as you fucking please." When Elladan still looked a little insecure, Maedhros shook his head amused, "Take it from me kid, it doesn't make you popular to rule, but why the fuck should you care what those dipshits in there think? You have to think about what is most practical, and this are times of war, you don't have enough warriors in there to risk attracting a fuckton of those undead things, do you?" He smiled, "Not unless you hid some away in the basement or something."

Elladan chuckled softly. "You're right." He admitted, "Let's go fetch those shovels."

"Of course i am fucking right." Maedhros snorted, "I'm always right, kid."

They walked to the gardeners quarters, thinking that a shovel had to be there. Suddenly something struck Elladan, "Uhm.. can you even.. you know, dig?"

"If i can dig?" Maedhros laughed amused, "Dig what?"

"I mean dig a hole you idiot." Elladan sighed.

"If i can hold a shovel?" Maedhros answered clipped, absentminded rubbing his armstump. "Oh i don't know, try handing the cripple a spoon, and he can try and dig you a hole." Maedhros frowned but didn't stop walking towards the shed.

"Sorry." Elladan offered lamely, "I just wasn't sure."

Maedhros bit down a bitter reply and shrugged, "Beats me, kid. Can't say that digging holes is what i did the most."

Elladan tried the door to the gardeners quarters, and found it locked. "Crap." He growled. And to Maedhros' delight, the young elf just kicked in the door instead. "He wont mind." He said softly, "He died as one of the first."

Maedhros didn't answer he just walked into the darkness with Elladan. Maedhros picked up a big meat hook that the gardener had used to hang stuff on from his ceiling. "Dude, I always wanted a hook, that would be fucking fierce!" He turned the meat hook in his hand.

Elladan just rose a eyebrow and returned to his search for shovels.

"Figure it would get stuck in everything tho." Maedhros looked thoughtfully at the hook, "Maybe it is a crap idea."

"You think?" Elladan laughed, as he finally found a couple of shovels, he handed one to Maedhros, who just silently took it, abandoning the hook.

Despite being terribly cocky earlier, Maedhros had to admit that he couldn't operate a shovel, and with an annoyed snarl he gave up. "You know what kiddo? Best part of being lord is that you can get your subjects to do the manual labor." He tossed the shovel and stomped into the hall of the last homely house, he scanned the room and picked out an elf that looked like he was fairly healthy, "You got dig-chore. Come on!" He had a hold of the elf's neck, guiding the more than surprised elf out the house, and as they came to where Elladan was painfully slowly digging a grave, Maedhros pushed the elf forward. "Now dig."

The elf just stood and stared at him, completely baffled. Even Elladan stared at Maedhros in shock, he then placed a hand on the elfs shoulder, "I'm sorry friend, Maedhros apparently walked with dinosaurs, and doesn't get out much." Elladan shot Maedhros a sharp glare, and Maedhros didn't even have the dignity to look guilty. "Would you please help with this?" Elladan asked the elf. The elf shrugged, but looked nervously at Maedhros as he started to dig.

Erestor came running out of the last homely house, "What do you think you're doing?" He asked upset by the power display of the old elf.

"You too?" Maedhros sighed, "Look we need someone to dig a hole, and i found someone to dig it, end of story."

"Just.. just leave it be." Elladan said directed at Erestor.

Maedhros stood there for a moment in silence, "Why don't I carry them here?" He opted for a boyish smile at Erestor, "Lend us a hand?"

Maybe he had been a little rash, but not even the Valar themselves would ever get Maedhros to admit that, he just hated to admit his shortcomings. "So?" He heard Erestor say softly from the other side of the bed, and realised he might have drifted off for a moment, but he was just so damn tired now. "So?" Maedhros said looking at Erestor with an inquisitive brow.

"I mean, what now?" Erestor quickly glanced down at Glorfindel that was rolled completely in the comforter.

"What the hell do you mean; what now?" Maedhros leaned in over dead Glorfindel, "Now we haul his dead ass down into the garden and dump him in a hole. For an advisor you sure are stupid."

"No rites or anything?" Erestor asked a little timidly, not wanting to anger Maedhros that towered a good bit taller than him, not to mention his fabled temper.

"If you want to, i suppose." Maedhros shrugged, Erestor nodded and they grabbed the dead elf by shoulders and feet, Maedhros struggled with getting a decent hold, but in the end they managed to carry Glorfindel downstairs and outside. And without a word they went inside again to get Elrond.

As they came out again, Elladan wiped his forehead and leaned on the shovel, "I don't know, it feels wrong to not give them a proper pyre."

"We could always have a decent wake." Maedhros said. And when all elves just stared at him, Maedhros took a deep breath, but stopped again as he saw Haldir walking towards them, he looked at the hole and up at Maedhros, he wanted to voice his disagreement, but he couldn't argue with the logic, so he kept silent, instead he leaned over and whispered to Erestor, "Go fetch the others in the hall." And helped Elladan hoist the bodies into the hole.

Erestor came back with the handful of surviving Rivendell elves, and looked at the grave. And as Elladan had predicted most were mortified that their beloved lord and his seneshal didn't get a decent pyre. Elladan looked over at Maedhros for help, who in turn looked over at Haldir who just shook his head. Maedhros stepped forth, clearing his throat. "Alright folks." He announced, "I realise that some of you, okay so -all- of you find this slightly unorthodox, but you have to put your faith in Elladan and that he does what is best."

"With all do respect," An female elf said, "We have faith in Elladan, we just question his council."

Maedhros' eyes flared with anger, "Look lady!" He pointed at the female elf, "He doesn't risk a pyre to keep your ass safe, and it's not like those two." He nodded at the grave with the two dead elves in. "-Gives a flying fuck, they are dead, we are alive, and lets keep it that way, shall we, miss?"

The Female elf didn't argue, but she didn't look happy about it. And Maedhros just looked at Elladan and turned around and walked towards the last homely house.

A good thirty minutes later Haldir came back into the hall, spotting Maedhros who sat and slept in a armchair. "YO!" he yelled, causing Maedhros to jolt back to life.

"Maan, that was a dirty trick." Maedhros grumbled and sat up straight, rubbing his face.

"I could have yelled BALROG." Haldir snickered and sat down next to Maedhros in front of the fireplace, "So why did you leave? Don't tell me that chick drove you off."

Maedhros took a deep breath and reached for the bottle of wine at his feet. "I just didn't see the point in staying."

"Come now, can you blame these elves for not trusting you?" Haldir said softly.

"No." Maedhros just stated, taking a sip of his bottle.

Haldir just stared deadpanned on Maedhros, who frowned, "What do you want from me? I just shot my foster child square in the face." A little stupid smile tugged in the corner of his lips, "And all i got was this lousy t shirt."

Haldir groaned, "Gimme some of that." He held his hand out for the bottle.

"No way, get your booze where you get your ass." Maedhros clutched the bottle, but then laughed and handed the bottle to Haldir who just waited patiently. "You're no fun, you know that right?" Maedhros whined.

"So I've been told." Haldir said annoyed, tasting the wine. "And you are the most annoying elf i ever met."

"My cousin Turgon once beat the crap out of me for saying the same annoying sound during an entire dinner service." Maedhros chuckled, "Papa was furious that i lost to that girly-boy."

Haldir wet this lips, "That other elf you buried used to live in Gondolin."

"Oh." Maedhros looked thoughtful for a moment, "Then he was probably a fuckwit, they were elitist, cowardly, bastards the lot of them."

Haldir just shook his head, "He was a hero. The Valar granted him.." He caught himself before he finished that sentence, and just took another sip of the wine.

Maedhros chuckled amused, "My point exactly."

"Why are you such a judgmental, asshole," Haldir grimaced as he swallowed the wine. It wasn't Elrond's best, hell, it was probably the stuff he saved to serve to annoying dignitaries he couldn't get to go home. It was half vinegar.

Maddy snorted with laughter at Haldir's sour face. "And why are you such an uptight prude?" He took back the bottle and tossed it aside. He knew there had to be something better around here. As he looked for better wine, he kept poking at Haldir. "You afraid that if you get laid, you'll like it too much or some shit."

He tossed an unopened bottle at Haldir, who surprised him by catching it easily. "Gods, have you even even had sex?" It was actually an honest question.

Haldir blushed deeply and snapped back, "I'm married you fuckwit, of course I am not a virgin."

Maddy let the second bottle he held in his hand drop to the floor. He mouth hung open. "M-married?" He stammer. "You are married? And you didn't even both to mention you had a wife until just now?"

"Husband actually," Haldir admitted, still blushing.

"Now I know you are shitting me," Maedhros grabbed the bottle again and sat back in the chair as Haldir pulled up a second one.

"Why do you say that? Being judgmental again?" Haldir tried to sound casual, but he was actually a little hurt that Maddy was so shocked.

"Yes, I am," maddy said proudly. "You try so damn hard to come across all stuck up and perfect, and now I find out you're just another damned ass pirate like everyone else."

It was Haldir's turn to look shocked. "There is no need to talk like that," he said primly and took another swig from the bottle in his hand. This stuff was MUCH better and much stronger.

"And THAT is what I am talking about!" Maddy said with triumph, as if Haldir had just admitted to something big. "You act like you never heard of sex, and then tell me you are married? It is absurd!"

Haldir glared at him and kept drinking. He was beginning to wonder if he drank enough, if Maddy would go away.

"What in the hell happened to you to make you such a prude," Maddy pressed on. He never really cared if he pissed anyone off. However, he got more than he bargained for.

"You really want to know?" Haldir asked. "You want to know what my life was like?"

Maddy made a carry on gesture and leaned back in his chair, drinking from his own bottle of wine. "Do tell," he said mockingly. "Tell me about your pathetic life as some rich guys son."

Haldir snorted and rolled his eyes. "I wish," He said bitterly. "I had two brothers. Well half-brothers," he admitted. "My mother was not known for being monogamous. I cannot tell you how many different ellon and even men she brought home. Every night it was someone new." He refused to look up at the now quiet Maddy. "For a while, we were not even sure that my youngest brother, Rumil, was even an elf. We were beginning to think he father had been a human. Turns out we were wrong, he was just an unusually clumsy child." - "It probably had more to do with how much she drank while she was pregnant with him then who his father was. She drank all the time, pregnant or not." He blushed harder, as if telling the story embarrassed him. "She lived for sex. The noises that came out of her room every night were enough to make any elfling blush!" He glanced up quickly, expecting a snide comment or another jibe.

Maddy was quiet, listening. "Where are your brothers now?" He asked when the pause went on too long.

Haldir looked down again, but it was too late, Maddy saw the tears in his eyes. "They died. They were both some of the first to catch it in Lorien." He finally managed to get out and took another drink. "All three of us were on the border when the first infected came across. Of course we had no idea what was wrong with them when that came staggering into the forest. Orophin immediately went to help them and got savagely bitten in the process." Haldir had to pause again, took another swig, the bottle was almost empty, so he reached across and grabbed Maddy's and took a drink from it. "He died that night, but not before he infected Rumil."

"How did you not get infected?" Maddy asked, surprisingly gently. "How have you managed to stay uninfected all this time?" it was a question that had been bothering him. It seemed like more than good luck that had kept Haldir healthy.

"It seems that I may be immune to at least most strains." He admitted.

"I didn't even know that was possible!" Maddy sat back to think. The implications were huge. They could maybe use Haldir's blood to make others immune. His mind wandered over the possibilities until he realized that he was drunk and had no idea how to go about making a vaccine. What a shame, he thought. It was a great idea. "So you are telling me," Maddy tried to get back to the matter at hand. "That you are a stuck up prude, because your mother was an alcoholic nymphomaniac?"

Disgusted, Haldir got up from his chair and tried to get his balance. "I know you would just end up making a joke out of it. I should have never told you." He snapped, as much as was possible when you were slurring as badly as he was.

The inebriated ellon started to make his wobbly way across the room when Maddy realized he had another question. "Wait! Where is your husband, and better yet, who is he?"

Haldir made a rude gesture and and uttered what may have been an obscenity, but it was too slurred to tell. Maddy started to laugh.

"I do not believe I have ever seen him that drunk," a soft voice said behind Maedhros.

Maddy turned around to find Erestor standing just inside the door way, staring after the weaving Haldir.

"We've all had a bad day," Maedhros said.

"Yes," The soft voice again. "There is that." The counselor seemed distracted, still staring the way the Lorien elf had gone.

"Where you here for a reason?" Maddy was feeling pretty drunk himself right now and wasn't in the mood for a long conversation.

"I had been looking for you, actually" Erestor finally said.


	7. I am Maddy's lack of empathy

Daddy-O

You got the swagger of a champion

Too bad for you

You just can't find the right companion

I guess when you have won too many, makes it hard

It could be easy

Who you are, that's just who you are, baby

But no way I'm ever gonna fall for you, never you, baby

-Britney Spears.

I am Jacks lack of empathy.

Maedhros rose a puzzled brow as Erestor circled him till they were face to face. "You were looking for me?" He asked with a little dismissive smile, and then reached for the bottle again, "Suppose I owe you some sort of apology, I'm sorry if i was a hard ass, but I'm having one bitch of a week."

Erestor just nodded, listening. "Thanks." He said softly, "But that wasn't why I was looking for you."

Now Maedhros was truly confused. "Really?" He saw the dirty little smile that tugged at the corner of Erestor's lips. And finally the dime fell, "Oh." And he mirrored Erestor's smile, leaning back in the chair, leaving it to Erestor what he wanted to do.

Erestor didn't say anything, he just dropped his robe standing naked in the room feeling Maedhros' gaze on him. But Maedhros didn't reach for him like any other elf would have done, he took a sip of his bottle, just looking at Erestor, "You gotta work harder than that, sweetheart." He said with a predatory grin.

Maybe Erestor should have been offended, but instead he chose to take it as a challenge. He had rarely heard a 'no' from anyone, not if he really wanted it. And so he sat down at Maedhros' feet reaching up for the zipper in his pants.

Maedhros didn't move a muscle, he still just looked at the naked elf between his feet, "I had imagined a dance, but this works too." His laughter was a deep rumble of amusement, this night was looking up that was for sure.

Erestor freed Maedhros' erection, latching on to it before the red haired elf could protest. And when he finally retreated his mouth, letting Maedhros' painful erection flop back unto the elf's abdomen with a wet, meaty sound. Maedhros slowly opened his eyes, looking at the dark haired elf at his feet, his lips slightly swollen, but the smile was about the most deliriously wicked Maedhros had ever seen. And for a moment they just stared at each other till Maedhros whispered, "Come." and held out his hand which now bore deep bite marks from his effort to be silent. Erestor crawled into his lap in the large chair.

Before Maedhros even knew what the hell went on, Erestor lowered himself unto him, steadying himself with his hands on Maedhros' shoulders. "I prepared." Erestor whispered, blushing slightly at his admission. Which Maedhros thought was both ridiculously sexy, and slightly silly since they were fucking in a public room at Elrond's house. What the hell would he blush for?

"Prepared is good." Maedhros answered lamely, sucking in his breath, swallowing the sinful moan that tried to make it past is lips. Erestor was perfectly silent except from his heavy breathing, it was not till Erestor finally closed his eyes and let his head fall back, never loosing the pace of his riding Maedhros, that Maedhros couldn't hold it in anymore, and let out a moan, "Fuck yeah." He muttered under his breath, not taking his eyes off Erestor who worked them both towards orgasm as best he could. In the end Maedhros closed his eyes, listening to Erestor's irregular breathing, and his own blood boil in his veins. "Shit." He hissed through clenched teeth, he didn't get around to say anything more as Erestor hit his orgasm, letting out a series of moans, just about the dirtiest moans Maedhros had ever heard, but then again, it seemed to go very well with this less known side of the buttoned up, very traditional elf. But damn did he have his talents. Maedhros felt Erestor spasm, milking his own orgasm out of him, but unlike Erestor, Maedhros clamped down on his hand so hard he drew blood to muffle his sounds.

Erestor panted and smiled a uncomplicated smile at Maedhros. "Thank you." He said softly.

Maedhros tried to catch his breath, and just nodded, "You're.." He took a deep breath to steady himself, "You're welcome, man."

Slowly Erestor crawled off Maedhros again, and picked up his robe. "Hey you." Maedhros said with a flat tired voice, "Anytime."

Erestor stopped as he buttoned his robe, "Excuse me? Anytime what?"

"You can sneak up on me anytime." Maedhros said, unceremoniously tucking himself into his pants again.

"I'll remember that." Erestor said with a new blush, which Maedhros found was just as bizarre as the first.

Haldir circled back to the room to pick up his mostly empty bottle of wine that he had left when he stormed out. It was childish of him to leave the bottle lying there just because he was mad at Maddy.

He really wasn't prepared for what he saw. He couldn't even make a sound he was so shocked and quickly backed back into the hall. He was still pretty drunk, and was having trouble getting his head around what he should do when Erestor, now redressed, came out of the room, nearly walking into him.

"Is that how you do it?" The words slipped out before he had time to think about it. The dark haired elf startled and looked at him, puzzled. "Do what?" He sounded calm and collected, probably hoping that Haldir hadn't seen. His pretty face and jade green eyes were tranquil. Haldir was almost breathless, but the slightly swollen lips and mussed hair reminded him why he was angry.

"That's how you get by isn't it. Crawl into the bed of the first self important elf that comes your way." He sneered at the blushing counselor. "Or should I say lap? I guess it really doesn't matter to you, does it?" Haldir was shocked at the venom in his words. He hadn't meant to be so cruel. It was true, he had turned Erestor down a few years ago. It wasn't lack of interest on his part, he had just not wanted it to be like that. It felt so dirty, so wrong. It looked like that didn't matter to Erestor. For years after his husband left, Haldir had waited in Rivendell, hoping in vain that he would see the error of his ways and come back to him. The incident in the kitchen had not been the only time that Haldir had been cornered by the elf he desired so much, but it was the last, and the one that had made Erestor give up trying all together.

"I don't see why you should care," Erestor replied coldly and pushed by the still intoxicated former marchardern. "It isn't like you would even know what to do with an elf like that."

Haldir wanted something witty. To say, something that would prove that he DID in fact know what to do, but he wasn't enough of a slut to actually go and do it, but his wine addled brain failed him and Erestor glided away like a dark ghost. He knew he had lost any chance he had ever had with the pretty elf. He had wanted him for so long, and if he was being honest with himself, even before Melpomaen left. But he didn't want to just be another mark on the bed post. He wanted something real.

Haldir shook his head and regretted it as the world swam in front of his eyes for a moment. Erestor really would sleep with anyone. He was determined not to cry when he went back in the room, hoping that Maddy had gone to sleep. No such luck.

Maddy was sprawled in his chair the same as the last time Haldir had seen him, but this time, a little more disheveled. Haldir attempted to walk in purposefully, but there was still too much weave in his step and Maddy smirked at him knowingly. "Still a little unsteady there, sport," Maddy chuckled.

"I don't want to hear a single word out of you," Haldir said impatiently. "I just came for my bottle, I am not a slob like some elves" he announced and made his way to the empty glass bottle. "You can go back to seducing innocent elves when I'm done."

Maddy laughed out loud at that. "I can assure you, I wasn't the one doing the seducing here. It was all Erestor." He snorted. "Though I have to admit, I am not complaining, he is really talented, not that you would know." The last was said with a wicked tilt to his eyebrow.

"That's right, Maddy." Haldir glared at the smug elf across from him. "I respect him too much to just crawl in his bed. You on the other hand apparently don't even care who you fuck."

Maddy laughed again. "Give me a break, you cannot expect me to buy the 'respect' line. That elf has probably fucked more world leaders than you can even remember from your history classes. Valar and demons, I probably got Gil-Galad's crabs from that slut."

Without thinking, Haldir swung out his hand and connected with Maddy's jaw, sending the red-haired elf backwards, chair and all. "Don't call him that!" Hearing Maddy call Erestor a slut hurt him more than he expected. It was true, Erestor wasn't exactly picky when it came to his lovers, but to hear the words made his blood boil. He remembered a fight with Melpomaen over the same thing. They had accidentally walked in on Erestor with both Glorfindel and Elrond. Haldir thought he would have a heart attack and Melpomaen was so fascinated he wouldn't leave. Later he had told Haldir that it wasn't like a whore would care if you watched. The fight had turned ugly, and Melpomaen had accused Haldir of being unfaithful. Sadly, Haldir had not figured out just how unfaithful his husband already was.

He immediately tensed for a furious Fëanorian to come leaping back out of the tipped chair, but was shocked to hear the drunken laughter start up again. "How sweet!" Maddy shrieked with laughter again. "You have a crush on him!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Haldir shouted back, furious. "We are not elflings! You need to learn to treat others with more respect!"

Maddy sat up and pushed the tipped chair back up. "Is that so, mister moral high ground?" He dragged himself back into the chair and rubbed at his jaw absent minded. "You throw that word around so casually. Do you even know what it means?"

"Look here you self centered bastard," Haldir tried not to show how nervous he was about talking to Maedhros like this. "He was only doing that so you would feel more kindly toward him and protect him. Not because he really wanted you."

"So clever!" Maddy crowed. "Of course, you twit, that's what all of them do. They all hope to impress me with their tight asses, and lack of a gag reflex or whatever talent they think will work so that I will look after them first when things get bad."

He grabbed the bottle of wine again, checking to see if any of it had spilled when he had tipped back. "And guess what cupcake," he took a big swig. "Things are bad, and he has the nicest ass I've seen in ages, so yes, I'll take care of him as long as he puts out, or until I get bored. Which ever comes first." He finished the last of the bottle's contents and tossed it to the side, watching it roll into a corner. "Maybe it is time for you to grow up, Haldir. This is how it really works."

Maddy leaned forward and looked Haldir in the eye. "If you are jealous, you can crawl up here in my lap and see if you have something better that will put you in the top spot instead."

Even more annoyed, Haldir fled the room a second time, still without the bottle.

~.~

Maedhros groaned as he carefully walked down the stairs to the hall where the other elves were gathered for breakfast, or maybe dinner, he didn't know, didn't care. All he knew was that he'd trade his family jewels for a painkiller. "Coffee.." He whispered hoarsely as he let himself fall into a chair whimpering.

"Hung over?" Elladan laughed softly, handing him a cup of hot coffee.

"Does a fish swim in water?" Maedhros whispered, taking the cup with something that resembled a grateful smile.

"You and Haldir -did- kill quite a lot of papa's wine last night." Elladan said. "That reminds me, have you seen where Haldir has gone off to? He hasn't come down yet, and his bedroom door is locked."

Maedhros raised a brow,"Don't worry kiddo, he's probably just catching up on those porn flicks."

"Hardly."

Maedhros laughed and coughed,"Nice catch, kid." He downed his coffee and held out his cup for a second serving. "I'm gonna go get him up, you make your people pack up what they need, and only what they need, we should get out of here."

Elladan nodded, and Maedhros stood from his chair walking towards the bedroom he knew to be Haldir's. He didn't even test the door if it was locked like Elladan said; he just kicked it straight from its hinges. "Peek-a-boo, it's the coffee express." He said with a grin.

"Go away." Haldir growled from under his pillow.

"Aw... why are you such a sourpuss?" Maedhros laughed softly, coming over and sitting down on the far side of Haldir's bed. "I actually -did- bring coffee."

"Go the fuck away." Haldir sounded mostly like he was about to cry.

"You're right." Maedhros said softly, staring down into the cup,"It needs rum."

"Will you just shut up!" Haldir threw the pillow he had been holding over his head at Maddy and attempted to get up from the bed but found his feet tangled in the sheet and instead only managed to throw himself on the floor.

"You mother fucker, get out of here!" He yelled after he could breath again and began to frantically kick the offending cloth from around his legs. "I do NOT want to talk to you right now, so get the fuck out of my room!" He said more, but Maddy was laughing too hard to really hear.

"Dude, you are going to bust a blood vessel or something!" He wrapped his arms around his middle laughing hysterically and the hot coffee sloshed over the rim and splattered on Haldir as he struggled to his feet.

Another string of profanity and Haldir was on his feet. Another second and he would have hit Maddy a second time in only a few hours, but he was stopped by the sudden violent turning of his stomach.

Maddy was saved only by luck as the Lorien elf tripped on his own feet and fell across the son of Fëanor's lap, sending the contents of his stomach away from the startled elf.

After the last heave was over, Haldir covered his face and sank to the floor, embarrassed beyond anything he could ever remember.

"Nice one, kid," Maddy scooted to the other side of the bed. "If we were staying another night I would tell you to move to another room, but since we are leaving, you need to pack instead."

He left a mortified Haldir still sitting on the floor.


	8. Elvish, motherfucker, do you speak it?

_What's the meaning of_

_Covering up yourself when_

_You are who you were born_

_What's the meaning of_

_Doing things that you_

_Obviously think are wrong_

_-Veto_

* * *

><p>Getting the scattered remains of Elrond's household together was harder than Maddy had expected. He really had thought that most of them would obediently pack a few simple necessities and be ready to leave in a couple of hours. He had been dead wrong.<p>

First, Haldir had not been moving very fast. He had never seen an elf with a hangover that bad. If anyone had asked him before that morning, he would have sworn that elves were not capable of getting hangovers so debilitating. Without the seasoned traveler helping him organize, Maddy soon discovered that he was surrounded by fools who had never had to run for their lives before.

"Pathetic!" He shouted loudly to no one in particular as he stood in the main hall. "Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you think you needed to bring a gods forsaken ball gown?" He shouted at the prissy young elleth with the 4 large bags at her feet. "We are not fucking going dancing, we are trying to stay alive you twat!"

Big shimmery tears started in the pale blue eyes of the elleth, but before they could begin to fall in earnest, Haldir appeared at the top of the stairs calling her name.

"I am sorry, dear," he said calmly, no trace of the grievous illness earlier. We will have to come get most of this later once things calm down."

He opened one bag and emptied it out. It was full of shoes, none of which would last 10 minutes walking in the wilds. "Let's start over and only pack things that will be useful for the next few days and worry about the rest later. He patted her on the back as she nodded meekly.

"When things calm down?" Maddy shouted again, unreasonably pissed off that Haldir was not only obviously feeling better than he had any right to considering, but that he had calmed the silly elleth and gotten her to start packing correctly after he had screamed at her for over half an hour trying to get to agree to leave so much as a pair of stockings behind.

"I hate to break this to you, sunshine," he sneered. "Things are not going to calm down. This entire world is about to become a zombie play ground." Haldir boldly reached up and covered Maddy's mouth with one hand. "Will you shut up?" he hissed. "There is no need to start a panic; this is going to be hard enough without you telling them that."

Maedhros, peevishly, bit Haldir's palm, causing the younger elf to hiss and jerk it back. He had a witty and scathing reply on the tip of his tongue when a frantic guard, hardly past his majority, came running in through the front doors.

"They are coming," he squeaked out between gasping breaths. His pale hair was stuck to his forehead, and his face a combination of flush cheeks and grey complexion. Everyone had been inside too long. "They are coming up the road, a whole lot of them."

Haldir and Maddy exchanged worried looks. "Which road, Child?" Haldir asked as calmly as he could. The frightened youth pointed to his right.

"OK that settles it," Haldir clapped his hands loudly and started calling out orders, and to Maddy's disgust, many of those present obeyed.

"That is it!" He called. "We are leaving now. No time for any more packing, no time for more stuff. Get to the stables immediately!"

A muffled shriek from a hallway told them all they needed to know. The zombies were moving fast and they were out of time. A flood of panicked elves came rushing through the main hall and out toward the stables. Haldir had hoped there would be enough horses that they would not have to leave anyone on foot, but as he and Maddy came out after the group he saw that plan go up in smoke. Literally. Either a frantic horse or an elf that was beyond thinking had knocked a lantern in to the hay. The entire structure was rapidly burning.

The moaning of the undead and crashing of shambling feet was mixed with the crackle of burning wood and hay and the shrieks and cries of the pitiful few left of the once proud household.

Elladan was doing his best to get the wildly frantic horses out of the barn, but so far only half a dozen were free and half of those were moving away from the chaos in the courtyard. Of course Maddy's beast was there and fine. Haldir suspected the animal was nearly indestructible.

It stood calmly in the middle of the chaos, a couple of horses from the stables nearby. One of those was quite clearly Asfaloth, the stunning white horse waited patiently in the madness for his master to come tell him what to do. For a second, Haldir felt sadness, Glorfindel was beyond running.

Maddy grabbed Asfaloth's reins and Erestor's hand. "Get up!" He demanded as Elladan mounted another milling steed. "It is time to move, forget the rest of this." He waved his hand vaguely at the burning stable and dark empty house. "Everyone get moving for fuck sake!" He shouted.

The confusion, smoke fear, and undead made the next few moments a blur in Haldir's mind. Later, he would not remember how they had managed to get out of the valley with as many as they did.

The final steep climb out of the valley came just as the sun set. Haldir looked over his shoulder just as the last rays fell behind the mountains and saw winking orange lights of the now massive fire. Imladris was no more. The only thing he could hope for was that the fire would destroy some of the infected that were still wandering around the valley.

The wind had changed directions several times as they fled the dual threat of fire and zombies and there were times where the staggering coughing refugees were so disoriented, Haldir had felt like herding dog, nipping the heels of flagging sheep.

Twice, infected had shambled out of the trees and fallen on the hapless survivors. Both times, Elladan and Maddy had helped destroy the creatures, but both times had ended with more than one non-infected casualty. The last had been the worst. It was the pretty young elleth who had wanted to bring her shoes.

Haldir was afraid he was going to see the image of her face as she pleaded for Maddy not to kill her while she fanatically tried to stop the blood from flowing from the gaping hole in her arm where the zombie had bitten her. He was actually grateful to have the cold-blooded son of Feanor with them. He knew he would have faltered and put them all at risk. He had known her since she was an infant, the child of his husband's sister.

With the sun down, there was no way for the ragged pitiful party to keep moving forward. Even Maddy had to agree, and called a halt for the night. Four of the least damaged elves were given shotguns and set as guards.

No fire was started, not that there was any food. The exodus had become too chaotic to get the few bags that had not been trapped in the fire. Not that anyone had much of an appetite, most were so shell-shocked they stood in place like the zombies they were running from. They had to be guided to rocks or logs to sit, where they continued to stare off into nothing.

With a sinking feeling, Haldir counted the survivors. Counting both himself and Maddy, there were still fewer than 2 dozen. Imladris was down to 22 elves.

The next two days was pretty eventless, and Maddy was getting slightly bored. The Rivendell elves largely ignored him, and would turn to Haldir for any advise, even small questions as 'where is my shoes'. Maddy was mostly invisible. He wasn't about to complaint though, he had Erestor to keep him amused, and he had to give it to little Noldo, he sure knew how to entertain. A lazy smile spread on his lips as he sagged down on the ground, happy to not travel any more for that day.

One thing worried him though, Elladan seemed to sink deeper into a dark mood, Maddy had argued with himself if he should try to talk to his grandson, but decided against it. He felt slightly guilty for everything, even if he did a hell of a job covering that up.

Well, Maedhros thought to himself, at least he got Haldir to be at his side. He watched the two elves in what seemed deep discussion. He couldn't really hear what they said, and he didn't have to. Haldir had apparently lost his patience with Elladan's brooding.

"Fuck you!" Elladan suddenly yelled, pushing Haldir aside, and stomped off into the forest.

For a moment Haldir just stood there, paralyzed. He turned his head and looked over at Maedhros who just sat there and stared at him with that damn self entitled grin. "What?" Haldir growled.

Maedhros just shook his head, "Fuck no. You made him storm off, you go fetch him." Maedhros' smile widened wolfish, "Don't worry, i'll manage your flock while you're gone."

Haldir pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "Why do I even.."

"Now scoot!" Maedhros grinned, "Go protect the princeling before something eats him." The red-haired elf chuckled, "Something other than you. That is."

"What the.."

"Dude, how stupid do you think I am?" Maedhros shook his head amused. "I know what's going on here. Hey man, go for it!"

"I would never!" Haldir protested.

"Sure." Maedrhos laughed, getting up from where he had been sitting. "I believe you." He said, and his lie so obvious that Haldir clammed up in anger, before he too stomped off into the forest after Elladan.

Erestor sat between Maedrhos' legs, looking up at the tall elf, "They've been gone awfully long."

"They're fine." Maedhros answered, idly fiddling the zipper in his pants, smiling down at Erestor.

Ersetor caught on, looking over his shoulder at the sleeping rivendell elves, gingerly pulling Maedhros' hardening cock out from under the fabric. Giving it a light lick, he looked up at Maedhros again, "If you really was sure they were alright, you wouldn't sit up all night. You look exhausted."

"I'm fine." Maedhros leaned back against the rock and wiggled a little out of his pants, just to give Erestor better access. "Are you gonna talk, or suck me off?" He asked bluntly. Ersetor blinked a little hurt? Annoyed? Maedhros couldn't tell, but what he could tell was how delicious it felt when the other elf took him in his mouth. "Besides.." Maedhros said, petting Erestor's hair. "You shouldn't worry your pretty little head with things like that." He grabbed Erestor's hair, and tugged.

He heard them when they entered camp, he opened an eye and smiled at Elladan's tussled hair, and Haldir's dishellved appearance. He had been right, alright. He closed his eye again, his hand still resting on Erestor's head, he tried to hear what Haldir and Elladan said, but he couldn't really focus on it, not that he really cared. But one thing was sure, he would never let Haldir hear the end of it. And just out of spite, he didn't warn Erestor as he came. Instead he grabbed a hard hold of the elf's head and held him in place, shooting his load in Erestor's throat. He let go of the furious Noldo right away, smiling at Erestor's expression. "Hey, you got something between your teeth." He said, blinking.

Erestor was less than amused. "Asshole." He hissed.

"So i've been told." Maedhros said, watching as Erestor went and laid down at the far end of camp.

"Do you think he saw us?" Elladan whispered, lowering himself down on his sleeping mat.

"Don't be naïve, Elladan." Haldir answered in a clipped tone. "Of course he saw us."

"Come on man, he was sorta busy." Elladan agued in a hushed tone. "It is kinda nice of him he took the guard shift."

Haldir had laid down, and now popped up on an elbow, staring at Elladan. "Nice isn't the word i'd use." He laid down with a soft sigh. "Besides if he didn't see anything, that damn horse of his did, and i'm sure it will have a field day."

"Badger?" Elladan asked, he was too tired to question a ludicious statement like that.

"I swear that thing has had it in for me since day one." Haldir whispered.

"Go to sleep, you're being paranoid." Elladan mumbled, turning his back on Haldir.

-TBC.


	9. I love the smell of zombies in the morni

_You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can_

_I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am_

_I thought if I could touch this place or feel it_

_This brokenness inside me might start healing_

_Out here it's like I'm someone else_

_I thought that maybe I could find myself_

_If I could walk around I swear I'll leave_

_Won't take nothing but a memory_

_From the house that built me_

_-House that built me –Miranda Lambert_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 - I love the smell of zombies in the morning.<strong>

Maedhros was in a foul mood. He had not slept the night before. At first, he had found it enduring to see the young peredhel snuggling up next to Haldir like a kitten, but when Haldir wrapped his arm around the younger elf, felt something he had left far behind. Jealousy. Not that he would ever admit it.

The sun dawned weak and cold and the few pitiful remaining Imladris elves woke to another day in their new reality as refugees. No fire was lit, no food shared. Most didn't even speak to one another as the gathered their meager possessions and prepared to walk for yet another day.

Most of the Imladris elves had lives quiet lives since the end of the last age. Some had fought in the war, most had not. Imladris attracted those of a more academic bent. Maddy mused on this as he watched his pitiful crew.

Thinking of academics, Maddy looked around for Erestor. The dark-haired elf was usually up for a little fun before they started for the day. The slowly milling elves obscured his view of the camp and at first he did not see Erestor at all. Ready to curse the Advisor for a fool, thinking he had wandered off, Maddy was about to start looking in the woods when he spotted him.

Erestor sat to the edge of the camp, staring dully ahead, not seeming to notice the others. He looked tired. Too bad, Maedhros thought, he could be tired some other time; he was not in a good mood and needed a little lift to get him through the day.

Maddy pushed his way through the makeshift camp and stood over Erestor. The pretty face was now buried in the ragged robes the former Advisor wore. It was because of this that he didn't understand what the other said to him as he stood looming.

"There is fine, cupcake," Maddy smirked, "but you have to get your face out of your damn sleeve if you are going to suck me off."

Erestor didn't look up, but said in a louder voice than the first time. "I said fuck off, Maedhros." Maddy was almost as shocked by the profanity from the prissy elf's mouth as he was the thought of anyone telling him to fuck off.

"Excuse me," he said, startled.

Erestor looked up from his crossed arms. "What part of 'fuck off' are you missing?" He asked bitterly. "I don't want you anywhere around me."

Anger surged through the red-head and his hand shot out and tangled in the dark hair of the elf in front of him. It only took one good yank to get Erestor to his feet, yowling in pain and anger.

"Listen to me, bitch," he snarled, face pressed close to the pale face. This close, he could see how red the once pretty jade green eyes were, as if he had been crying. "You will never speak to me like that again, do you understand?" Erestor just spat at the enraged Fëanorian, earning him a rough shake. "Do. You. Understand?" He shouted as he shook the frightened elf.

"Get away, you bastard!" Erestor was screaming and sobbing at the same time. "Don't speak to me again, don't look at me, and don't fucking touch me again!" His voice broke and spittle flew from lips now covered in froth. "I am done with you, you asshole. I am not going to let you treat me like this anymore. None of you." He added with a sweeping glance around the tiny crowd of staring elves. "I am done. No more." He turned his attention back to Maedhros, "I am not going to be your surrogate while you mope around because you can't have the one you want."

Maedhros stiffened and pulled Erestor closer to him. "You think you can change that now, slut?" Erestor struggled weakly, not wanting to tear his own hair out where it was wrapped around the red-head's fingers. His tear streaked cheeks were blotchy and his eyes puffy. Maddy pushed him away just as abruptly and he had dragged him close. "You look like shit. Go wash your face."

Erestor stumbled and failed to keep his feet, landing in an undignified heap on the ground. It was then he realized what a scene he had caused, and started to blush. Embarrassed and still not a little angry, he picked himself up and pushed past Maddy and to the other edge of the camp.

The other elves parted before him, no sure what to think, but none knew what to do. Only Haldir followed the distressed elf.

Nervously, the rest of the refugees continued preparing to leave.

"We need to move out quickly," Elladan said quietly from behind Maddy. "The noise might have attracted some of our undead friends."

"Yeah." Maedhros said in an oddly docile tone, "Tell your elves to pack their shit." He pushed past Elladan and snatched a bottle, "Always the psychos, always. When will I ever learn?"

Sitting in the dark with his shotgun in his lap, and a bottle in his hand, Maedhros watched the elves pack the makeshift camp up like crazy ants. "Maddy?" A voice said in the darkness next to him, "Are you okay?"

Maedhros smiled and took a sip of his bottle, "Just dandy, kiddo."

"I didn't even know Erestor had it in him." Elladan admitted as he sat down next to the Fëanorian.

Maedhros didn't answer; he just stared at the elves packing. "You should be packing." He just said, "Show some good example to your subjects." He winked at Elladan in the dark.

"Yeah, well." Elladan took a deep breath, running a clammy hand through his tangled hair, "They asked me to check on you."

"That was awfully nice of them." Maedhros said coldly. He turned his head and studied Elladan, "Are you afraid I'm gonna go postal on y'all as well?"

"No!" Elladan said a little too quickly. And then hung his head a little embarrassed as he realized his error. "No I'm not really, it's just... They are afraid of you, and I can't blame them. So they feel better with me staying close to you." He looked at Maedhros with large childlike eyes, "You understand that, don't you?"

"The sacrifices you make for your people, huh?" Maedhros chuckled. Then sobered up a little, "I get it, don't worry about it, kiddo."

"It's not like that," Elladan started, and then stopped. He wasn't sure what it was really. He knew that Haldir had lost his patience with Maddy completely now that the temperamental warrior had treated Erestor so badly. At least that was how Haldir saw it. Elladan was even more confused about that situation. Maedhros had not treated Erestor any differently than dozens of others in the past, so why the dark-haired elf chose now to throw a fit, he couldn't imagine. He just had to assume it was the stress of the last few days catching up with Erestor.

"If I promise to be a good little elfling, will you just get out of here, and pack your shit, sport?" Maddy tried to take some of the sting from his words by giving his grandson a half-hearted smile, but Elladan refused to look at him and just shook his head while picking at a patch of clover between his feet. "I promised Haldir I would stay with you." He admitted.

"Haldir," Maddy sighed. "Everything boils down to Haldir in the end." He groused bitterly. "That stuck up little prude seems to have his fingers in every damn pie in Middle Earth." He looked over at the half elf next to him and glared. "Of course you wouldn't see it that way after last night." He said in a bitter tone.

"You get your shorts in a bunch and he goes off to "comfort" you and instead screws your brains out. Until last night, I wasn't sure he really knew what sex even was."

Elladan continued to shake his head sadly now blushing hotly. "You never knew him before." He said indignantly. "He used to be different.

"Everyone was different before the zombie shit, pumpkin." Maddy sneered. "Some are just deader and into eating living flesh than others, the rest are zombie wandering around looking for a home."

Elladan refused to take the bait. "No. Even before that. A long time ago he was kind of fun." He shrugged. "It wasn't until Melpomaen left that he got so grouchy."

"Melpomaen?" As soon as the name was out of Maddy's mouth, Elladan knew he had messed up. "Who the fuck is that?"

"H-his husband," Elladan stammered. He knew he should not say any more but the words tumbled out as if his mouth belonged to someone else. "He started sleeping around and then took off with an Ellon from Mirkwood a couple of centuries ago."

"Back up, bucko," Maddy held up his hand. "He cheated on him and left him for some ass-hat from Mirkwood?"

"Yeah," Elladan was refusing to look at him again. "It really changed him. Melpomaen said he was no fun, and that was why he did all that, but really, Haldir was just fine. We were really good friends back then." Maddy thought the younger elf might actually cry and couldn't resist a dig.

"As good a friend as you were yesterday," he said snidely.

Elladan cleared his throat and squirmed uncomfortably. "It isn't quite what you think, and no. Not a chance, he would never have cheated on Melpomaen. He was crazy about him." He insisted.

"Well, unless you guys have figured out how to get a long distance divorce, I am going to say he just did." Again the bitter words were out before he could stop them.

"You know," Elladan stood abruptly. "Maybe this is a terrible idea."

Maddy regretted his taunts and gestured with his mangled arm for the other to sit again. "Not so fast, sweet cheeks," he said firmly. "You can't start a story like that and just walk off in a huff."

"I really don't feel like sitting here listening to you bitch and moan about what you think happened between me and Haldir. If you want him, maybe you should try not pissing him off."

"Do not presume to lecture me, pup," Maddy let ice creep into his voice until Elladan looked down again. He was about to say more, but a twig breaking and a crash just outside the camp stopped him. Sadly, Elladan had been right; the undead had been attracted to the camp. Whether it was actually Erestor's tantrum, or just the noise of 20 some odd elves milling about, they were here.

A couple of elves shriek in fear and chaos broke out. Maddy raised the shotgun and the roar of the gun cut through even the loud shouts from the camp. One zombie fell before it even got to the outer edge of the camp, but another was right behind it. And another behind it.

Shouting for Elladan to gather the terrified elves together and get them moving away from the camp, Maddy fired again. Another fell.

Again and again he fired the shotgun and each time undead fell to the ground, dead for real this time. He watched the numbers fall, just to be replaced by more. The woods were filled with them.

The sounds of distraught elves had faded away, all Maddy could hear now was the crashing of the shambling walking corpses that poured out of the trees and the blast of his shotgun. Just as he realized he was out of ammunition another shot rang out from behind him, and Maddy whirled around in time to see another fall, only feet behind him.

Haldir appeared from the tree line. "Don't make this a waste of a bullet, get moving, there are too many to kill all of them, we are better off running."

The archer did not wait for Maddy to reply, just slipped back the way he had come, toward the Imladris refugees.

Maedhros whistled for Badger, who came crashing through undeads and bush moments later. He swung unto the horses back, just about to ride after Haldir when he saw Erestor in the far end of the camp. He had apparently tried to save some female elf and had failed. And now he was valiantly fending off zombies with an iron pot. Had the situation not been this dire, Maedhros would have broken out laughing. But instead he aimed his rifle and shot the zombie that snuck up behind Erestor. "Erestor, come on, man." Maedhros yelled, gesturing for Erestor.

Erestor didn't even turn his head, completely ignoring Maedhros.

"Shit." Maedhros swore under his breath, and made his way to Erestor's side. "Would you just get on the fucking horse?" He yelled again. And like before, Erestor ignored him, Maedhros stuck his rifle in the holster on his back to grab Erestor. He had to use all his might to haul the resisting elf unto the horse. "Why do you insist on being such a cunt?" He gritted his teeth, and pulled the shotgun again, now that Erestor was sprawled over his lap on Badgers back. "You know I didn't mean all that shit, right? You just pissed me off, that's all. I'm sorry okay?" He said, not paying attention to Erestor at all, his eyes trained on the zombies and the easiest way out of the camp.

Erestor wiggled a little in his lap, trying to hold on as Badger tossed the zombies aside like rag-dolls. A sudden sharp pain traveled up his side. "Ow fuck!" And for a moment he thought that he had been grazed by a bullet or something, and didn't pay more attention to it in the moment. It was not until they were out of the campsite, and Badger walked slowly after Haldir's group of survivors, Maedhros curiously lifted his shirt to see what had happened, it was not a bullet, it was a fine set of teeth, right on his side. "What the fuck man, did you bite me? Are you fucking mental? Only 5-year-old girls bite, well and zombies, and you are neither." He shook his head, "Dude." Maedhros kicked Badgers side to make it run a little faster to catch up with Haldir. "If he wants to play nurse, he can fucking have you. I'm done." He surprisingly gently lowered Erestor off the horse, and stared down at Erestor who looked furious, and disarranged. "You're welcome, fuckwit." And with that he kicked Badgers side harder, trotting up next to Elladan and Haldir.

"There you are." Elladan said, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Maedhros said, sliding from the horse down next to the other elves on foot. "Your new best friend is back there" He nodded back in the end of the group as he addressed Haldir.

Haldir suddenly pushed Elladan back, grabbing Mardhros' shirt. "What the fuck was that stunt you just HAD to pull back there?" he spat.

"What ever do you mean?" Maedhros asked with an indignant tone, even if he knew perfectly well what Haldir talked about.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Haldir let go of Maedhros, but didn't budge an inch as they walked side by side. "The caveman act."

Maedhros nodded, "I told him I was sorry." He defended himself with a childish whine. "I don't know what came over me, I don't... It was not me, I just snapped, that's all."

"You slap all your lovers around?" Haldir asked with a disgusted expression.

Maedhros now looked directly at the Marchwarden. "I never hurt a lover, never. Not on purpose at least." And then his smile widened to a lewd grin, "Or without permission."

Haldir just rolled his eyes, "You could have fooled me."

"Look." Maedhros said with a scowl. "Erestor was not my lover, he offered, I accepted. That is all, call it stress relief if you want."

"So the moment he wont perform, you just degrade him like that?" Haldir asked dangerously soft.

"Just let it slide, would you?" Maedhros argued, "I told him I was sorry, also I just saved his fucking ass, which you valiantly left behind." He turned his head and looked directly at Haldir, "I'm not judging you, I'm just telling you that you might want to chill with your righteous fury."

Haldir just stared angrily at Maedhros and turned on his heel, walking back through the rows of surviving elves, aiming at Erestor.

"I hate this place." Maedhros mumbled.

Elladan handed Maedhros some water, walking by his side now. "It's not that bad."

"Really?" Maedhros arched a brow. "I am stuck with prissy queen of Lorien, one of my goddamn cousins little lapdogs. And you, you are the most sane elf around, and you are fucking Elrond's little brat, Just like me.. My dad always said I collected riff raff, I suppose I do." He smiled gently at Elladan, "According to Fëanor that is." He slung his arm around Elladan's shoulders and squeezed the elf before letting go of him again. "Personally I prefer riff raff."

"Why are you doing this?" Elladan asked, "Why did you really come back here?"

"I was given a chance by the Valar, and I'd be a fucking idiot not to take it." Maedhros shrugged.

"Maddy."

"Alright." Maehdros sighed, "I was promised that my family would be released from the halls, and returned to the family estate."

"You think my dad is at the halls too?" Elladan asked in a strange fragile manner.

"I don't know kid." Maedhros said, "All bets are off."

Elladan nodded thoughtful. "We're at Mirkwood soon, I hope Elrohir is okay. It's been so long since we heard anything from the Mirkwood camp."

"Don't get your hopes up." Maedhros said, "If you think the worst, you wont be.."

"How can you say that?" Elladan gasped, "I have to have hope, without that I might as well lay down and die too!"

"Hope is a blanket, kid." Maedhros said sadly. "Believe me when I tell you, you'd be better off without that hippie crap."

"Bullshit! If you didn't love your family you wouldn't even be here!" Elladan argued hotly.

"That's different!" Maedhros spat. "I watched them all die! My brothers, my father, my lover. All of them. All who mattered died, and I couldn't do anything about it, besides trying to not die myself." Before Elladan could say anything, Maedhros continued, "I know what I did. Don't you fucking lecture me." He sighed heavily, "To not have false hopes, and to realize that everything was futile, is two different things."

"I guess so."

"What I'm trying to say is; don't expect your twin to be alive. If he is, then all is good. But if he isn't, you wont be as sad." Maedhros said with a little smile, "If everything should turn out shit, you still have me. Okay?"

"Okay." Elladan said with a tiny voice.

TBC.


	10. I am Maddy's comeplete lack of surprise

Chapter 10 - I am Maddy's comeplete lack of surprise.

Fucked Alabama  
>Fucked the Oak Ridge Boys<br>Fucked Randy Travis with a 12-inch plastic toy  
>I fucked the cast of Hee-Haw<br>I fucked Glen Campbell, fucked him on a see-saw  
>Kenny Rogers thought it crass<br>When I fucked his big white ass  
>I can't help it...<p>

-Puscifier

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Haldir stayed close to Erestor, the elf's behavior was becoming more and more erratic as the day went on. At first, he attributed it to being upset about the quarrel with Maddy, but the more Haldir thought about it, the more he realized that the argument itself had been out of character for the normally calm elf. Something was wrong.<p>

"Erestor," Haldir asked quietly once the other elf had lapsed from manic fidgeting and almost nonstop chattering to a near catatonic silence. "Are you feeling ok?" The high color in the doll like face had faded and left the dark haired elf looking slightly gray.

"Sure," Erestor said quietly. "Just a little tired. I have not been sleeping well," he said with an ironic smile. "I guess the fresh air does not agree with me."

The faint quirk of the red lips and slow blink of large jade eyes reassured Haldir, this was much more like the Erestor he was used to. "We will be to Mirkwood soon," Haldir said with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Can't have you getting too much fresh air." He gave his old friend a wink and was cheered to see a genuine smile in return.

Maddy watched the exchange at the front of the column with a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach. He and Elladan rode at the rear of the meandering column and could see everyone as they trudged toward Mirkwood. Haldir was just too much. Here he was chatting up Erestor while his new lover rode at the back of the line.

Maddy would be the first to admit that he had a problem with filtering what he should say, but even he knew he would regret what came out of his mouth next. "You know he wants him," Elladan blinked in surprise, not sure what Maddy was talking about.

"Who?" He asked. "I am not sure the first part of the conversation was out loud." He tried to smile to take the sting out of his words, but Elladan was not entirely certain that Maddy was anything close to sane.

Maddy threw a dark look at the young half-elf. "Your new boyfriend up there," he sneered. "He's been after Erestor since we got to Imladris."

Elladan shrugged. "It isn't like that." He said firmly, refusing to take the bait.

"Like what, Princess?" Maddy said coldly. "He isn't your boyfriend, or he isn't trying to get in Erestor's pants? Because I can assure you, he is."

Elladan sighed. He didn't feel like arguing with Maddy, and he really did not want to talk about how he wasn't sure where he stood with Haldir. The older elf had made no promises or declarations of undying love and devotion. But he hadn't said it was a one off thing either.

Maddy snorted in annoyance. "Great, you didn't even ask, did you? Puppy, you need to learn some basic rules. First, ask, because if you think he is going to be your devoted lover, you can see you are dead wrong. Looks like your oh so stuck up Haldir is just a slut at heart."

"Shut up," Elladan said, tired to the bone and not willing to fight with the insane elf over Haldir. "He is not like that at all."

"You use that phrase a lot 'not like that,'" Maddy pulled Badger up, making the meara snort in annoyance. "Stay back here a little," he ordered the younger elf. "Maybe it is time for you to finish telling me about our little blond friend."

Elladan sagged. He had hoped that the distraction of the undead horde had made Maddy forget about his slip of the tongue. The more he had thought about it, the more he realized what a bad idea it had been to say anything at all.

"Look, forget I said anything, If Haldir didn't tell you anything about Melpomaen, then it isn't my place to." He kept looking straight ahead and gave his mount a gentle tap to keep it moving when it tried to fall back with Badger.

"If it was that easy, buttercup, I wouldn't have to ask," Maddy said snidely and chuckled when Badger reached forward and tugged Elladan's horses tail until the horse stopped moving. "Now spill it." He demanded.

Elladan considered refusing again, but the look in Maddy's eyes told him the red haired elf was done playing. "Fine, but when he gets pissed off about it, I am making sure he knows you are the one who badgered me about it."

Maddy shrugged dismissively. "Whatever. Talk."

"Haldir really did love Melpomaen," Elladan started. "And at first, it seemed like Melpomaen loved him, it wasn't until about 10 years after they got married that everyone started to notice that Mel was not even trying to hide the fact that he was cheating."

"How did Haldir even end up with this Melpomaen?" Maddy asked. "I thought Haldir and his horde of siblings was from Lorien."

"Horde? Just two brothers as far as I know," Elladan said, amused. "They were really nice too," he added. "Orophin and Rumil." He smiled at a fond memory of the brothers.

"Fantastic, but not what I asked."

Elladan rolled his eyes. "Whatever, you are the one that got off track." It was Maddy's turn to roll his eyes.

"All three of them were in Imladris as guards for grandmother. Melpomaen was one of Erestor's clerks." He shrugged. They met, Haldir stayed, they got married less than a year later. It was the biggest scandal!" He laughed at the memory, making Haldir look back from the front of the line. Elladan blushed and looked down, feeling guilty.

"They seemed to be crazy about each other." He sounded sad now. "They were always holding hands, or kissing in the corner. It was really sweet, but apparently it wasn't enough for Mel."

"You have got to be fucking with me," Maddy exclaimed, delighted by the story. "Frigid little Haldir kissing in public?" He snorted. "I'm shocked."

"It didn't last long," Elladan continued. "Pretty soon people started to whisper about Melpomaen being seen going into someone's room late at night, seen flirting with another. That kind of stuff. Mostly people ignored it, but he got pretty blatant. He went as far as trying to convince my father to sleep with him."

"Elrond!" Maddy snorted. "He was into that?"

Elladan coughed and blushed, looking down. "You might be surprised," he admitted. "He told Melpomaen no, but now everyone knew. Mel said it was because Haldir was too inhibited and not giving him what he needed, but who knows."

"I'd believe that," Maddy said. "That little prick wouldn't know a good time if it bit him on the ass."

"It's no reason to be unfaithful," Elladan tried to defend Haldir. "He didn't deserve that, but he wouldn't leave Mel. He refused to admit it was over. Then Melpomaen left with an ellon from Mirkwood. Just picked up and went. Haldir was heartbroken."

"That Mel fella -does- sound like an asshole." Maddy said a little thoughtful, "Life is just so unfair that way." He smiled a little sad to Elladan.

Elladan could see the treeline from Mirkwood in the horizon. "Tell me story." Elladan suddenly said, and shot Maedhros his most charming smile. "Please?"

Maedhros mellowed and smiled back, "What would you want to hear?"

"Did you ever see Gondolin?" Elladan asked with childish enthusiasm.

"No." Maedhros shook his head, "I was busy waging war, killing everything around me. I didn't have time for pretty things."

"You had time for Fingon." Elladan said, feeling sneaky, "You aren't the only one who remembers stuff you know."

Maddy laughed, "True, I had time for Fingon. So some pretty things I suppose I did find time for."

Elladan nodded, he didn't have to ask if he missed him, Maddy would probably never admit to that, but he could hear it in his voice. Both elves were stopped dead in their tracks when they heard a long howl to their left. So preoccupied with the living dead that they had not really taken the natural wildlife into consideration. Elladan's horse stamped nervously, and when Badger too got uneasy, Maedhros turned in the saddle, but it was a moment too late, a second later he was flying off the back of Badger his arms full of hungry wolf. It wasn't that the wolfs was overly huge, but they were desperate and hungry. When Maedhros landed on the ground, he had landed on his back and on his shotgun. The Wolf tore into his armstump, causing Maedhros to scream in anger.

Haldir who was riding in front had not noticed the commotion, he had heard the howl, but he had heard that so often, that didn't have to mean anything. But when he heard a horse whine in fear, only to be followed by a scream that sounded all too elven he turned around. Chaos errupted around him, elves fleeing, making a wild dash for the border of Mirkwood, making it even harder for Haldir to get through to where the commotion originated.

The wolf had tasted blood, which only made it even more determined to make Maedhros it's meal. It didn't even notice the archer, but it -did- feel the arrow in it's side, snarling, torn between finishing the elf on his back, and turning it's attention to the attacker, he chose the first giving it everything it got. "Kill it you fuck!" Maedhros growled, dodging the wolf's jaws. The wolf got a hold of Maedhros' arm stump again, tugging and throwing it's bodyweight from side to side trying to maim it's victim so it could go for the kill.

Haldir aimed again and this time he hit the wolf direct, and caused it to drop dead. For a long moment Maedhros just lay on the ground and tried to catch his breath, cradeling his wounded arm. "That brought back memories." Maddy laughed breathless allowing Haldir to get him to his feet. Haldir just stared at the wounded arm, and Maedhros shrugged, "Don't look so worried, man. It ain't gonna kill me." He smiled. "Thanks.. And I mean that."

"Don't make me regret it." Haldir huffed before he turned on his heels and tried to catch up with the other elves, not even looking at Elladan who stood behind Maedhros looking rather dishelved himself.

"What did I say son?" Maedhros sighed, "At least you got me." He bounced his shoulder at Elladan.

"Yeah." Elladan whispered, looking around to see if he could see his horse, but it was no where in sight.

"Are you gonna cry now?" Maedhros asked with a chilly stare at his grandson. "My dad always said;" He took a deep breath to impersonate Fëarnor best he could. "This is war son, weakness is death, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir." Elladan frowned.

"He was right though." Maedhros said gently. "Don't let personal matters cloud your judgment in battle."

Elladan nodded, but didn't exactly look convinced.

"Hey man, maybe those Mirkwood elves knows how to make wine like their proper grey elves." Maddy cheered. He looked around for his horse as well, realizing that he and Elladan was all alone now. "Yo Badger, get your ass over here!" He yelled. They waited and eventually they heard hooves getting closer, seeing Badger trot close to them looking mostly like it smirked. Maedhros gave the Maera a huge shiteating grin. "Come on buddy, wanna show those fucking prissy elves how to have a good time?"

His cocky words aside, he still needed help getting on Badgers back, and needed Elladan to sit behind him, or he would most likely fall. The wolf had gotten him a little better than he wanted to admit, doing his best to hide the blood from the bite wounds. At least it was a wolf he told himself, and he hadn't seen any animals contract whatever this was. Silently he worried about what sort of welcome he would get from Grey Elves, he could always be lucky, that there was none left who had the slighest clue who he was.

-TBC


	11. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin

Well sit right down my evil son

And let me tell you a story

About the boy who fell from glory

And how he was a wicked son

This ain't no holiday

But it always turns out this way

Here I am, with my hand

-Pixies

* * *

><p>Chapter 11<p>

The sun seemed brighter than normal, and it made his eyes water. Erestor wiped at his face for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. Haldir had already asked him multiple times what was wrong, assuming the older elf was crying, but he had finally stopped answering. Not only was he in no mood to have Haldir babying him, his throat hurt too much to talk. It hurt too much to swallow really.

Another stab of light made the dark haired elf finally give up and close his eyes. His head ached and the side of his throat itched and ached unbearably. It seemed to be about where that damn love bite from Glorfindel was. He still didn't understand why that damn this hadn't healed.

He could hear Haldir and Maddy arguing somewhere behind him. The wolf had bitten the red-haired elf rather badly and the site of the already mutilated arm, now bleeding, made him feel nauseated. Everything made him feel nauseated. The movement of the horse under him and the sounds of the agitated elves around him, the memory of the food he left lying on the ground at the camp after he had quarreled with Maddy.

Why had he argued with Maddy? He almost couldn't remember. The absurdly pretty Feanorian had just finally pushed him past his limits. He remembered the moss green eyes as they fluttered closed in passion, those perfect coral lips parted while he panted. The long red hair tangled around his fingers and Maddy's perfect long white throat was there, so close to his teeth. The skin so soft, parting under his sharp white teeth, tearing as the hot red blood flowed is fountains across Erestor's face.

Erestor woke with a jerk so violent he almost fell from his mount. The pain in his head and stomach now so fierce he could hardly manage to get down without embarrassing himself. The patient elven beast simply stood docilely by as he fell to his knees at the side of the road, retching and heaving, even though his stomach was empty.

He felt a cool hand on his brow, and then felt his hair pulled back away from his now sweaty face.

"You are burning up," It was Maedhros' voice, not Haldir as he expected and the revelation jarred him into almost falling face first in the brush. He tried to push the offensive elf away, but the memory of the dream made his stomach rebel again and he ended up curled up, arms wrapped around his middle.

"If you are going to be an ass about it, you can just sit there in the dirt for all I care," Maddy huffed in annoyance and moved away, but now it was Haldir next to him. Poor sweet Haldir, stroking his hair and trying to give him a drink of water. Foolish Haldir, so close he could almost taste the hot skin and hotter blood beneath.

The thought made him retch again and the world began to spin in an alarming way. The trees became a swirl of green and gold with streaks of blue.

Erestor didn't remember getting back on his horse, and was surprised to find Haldir behind him, holding him tight. The dark trees of Mirkwood loomed in front of them. The sun was just starting to set making the already dark forest look even darker. He shivered, whether from the fever of from the poorly hidden evil that lurked in the once beautiful forest.

"You awake," Haldir asked, worry evident in his voice. "You scared us back there."

"I am fine, Haldir," Erestor said in a hoarse voice. "I will feel better once we are somewhere safer than out on the open road." He tried to sound firm, but it sounded whiney even to him.

"You have a fever, Erestor," Haldir said quietly. It felt like something that should be a secret, even though Maddy had already announced it to the entire group. Haldir wasn't even sure why he felt the need to keep it to himself.

"Nothing more than too much excitement, I am certain," Erestor insisted, but refused to say more as they passed under the first trees that marked the boarder of Mirkwood. He wasn't the only one who got quiet. The entire group had gone silent. Many had never been to Mirkwood or the Greenwood before the darkness befell the once beautiful forest. All they knew were the stories of the giant spiders that ate their prey alive, wrapped in silk threads stronger than any steel.

At the rear of the small party of survivors Maddy and Elladan watched cautiously as they entered the gloomy woods. "What a charming place," Maddy said dryly and he tried to readjust himself in the saddle in front of Elladan. The pain in his arm was increasing and he was ready to be off the road. He needed to look at the wounds on his arm from the wolf and frankly his butt was sore from riding so long. It had been millennia since he had even ridden a horse, much less ridden that far.

Badger snorted and stamped his feet under him as if reading the elf's mind.

"The trail leads to the right," Elladan observed as he slide off Badger's back and walked to the front of the ragged line. "It has also been used recently; we need to be more cautious, though it doesn't look like revenants."

They continued at a cautious pace until all light was gone. They were all certain that the sun had not set yet, but Mirkwood seemed to eat the light like the remembered spiders once did the unwary.

No fire was lit; the dangers of the forest were too unknown to the band of refugees to risk it. The little group huddled up in a clump just off the road and settled in for a miserable night of cold and hunger. Not enough food remained even for a cold meal.

Erestor lay shivering miserably with Haldir holding him close as the thin frame shook. His pale face flushed and sweating.

"I don't know what to do for him," Elladan admitted. "My healing skills are limited, I did not inherit father's gift."

"But I know enough to have look at your . . uhm . . .arm," Elladan stumbled over what to call the mutilated limb.

"I think you mean stump," Maedhros muttered with more bitterness than he thought he even felt. "Don't worry, cupcake, I am aware I don't have a hand anymore."

Elladan blushed darkly and was grateful for the covering darkness. "If you let me look at the bites, I will tell you more about Melpomaen," He tried to bribe to prickly elf.

"You better have some juicy shit, pumpkin," Maddy snarled, but lay his battered arm in his grandson's lap anyway. "Start talking. I need all the gory details."

Elladan peeled away the fabric that Maedhros had wrapped around his armstump as a makeshift bandage, "He got you good huh?"

"Tell me about it." MAedhros replied sourly. He turned his head and looked down at his mangled arm. "Good thing my brothers and dad didn't see that one, I would never have heard the end of it."

"I admit it wasn't very pretty." Elladan chuckled, slowly washing the blood away from the deep bites. "But you'll be fine, good thing Haldir saved you."

"Yeah." MAedhros looked from his arm over at Haldir who was hovering over Erestor, "Maybe, just maybe." He mumbled, "He isn't as big an asshole as I thought."

"There I cleaned it as much as I can with what I got here." Elladan started to wrap Maedhros' arm in the same dirty bandage again. "I'm sorry but we have to make it to Mirkwood and have this taken care of proper."

Maedhros nodded. "Thanks, kid." He looked down at his arm, wrapped in dirty bloody bandages. "Hey Elladan?" He called as his grandson got to his feet and was on his way back to the fire.

"Yes?" Elladan turned and looked at Maedhros.

"I was thinking.. Maybe it would be best if you took the lead when we find the natives here."

Elladan frowned, "Why?"

"Because of your twin." MAedhros said, dancing over the issue of his own issues with the grey elves. "They are more likely to let us in if we can establish a emotional reason for them to help us."

Elladan nodded, that made sense. "Alright. I'll talk to them."

"Remember you have wounded in need of aid, and we have to get in there. We won't make it to the grey havens like this." Maedhros said with a grave expression, he knew he was right. But he wasn't sure if he talked about himself or the other elves. He felt weak and tired like he hadn't since forever.. since right before he gave up his life.

It was a miracle that they made it to the gates of the elven city in Mirkwood, but as they walked through the open gates, none of them could quite grasp what had gone down. Everything was ruined and in disarry, the living dead had gotten here before them. They had gotten past the defence of spiders that had kept Mirkwood safe from other foes, and almost had claimed the small party of surviving Rivendell elves too. Maedhros looked down at Haldir as he scanned the markets place, he knew that look, he knew that Haldir was looking for his husband somewhere in the remaining dead bodies that remained dead. Winching MAedhros got off Badger's back, and to Haldir's surprise he came over and put am arm around Haldir's shoulders. "Don't." Maedhros said in a near whisper. "Maybe he's not here, maybe they fled."

Haldir nodded, allowing the consolling arm around him. "I hope you're right." He looked up at the talan's high above ground. "But where would they go?"

MAedhros shrugged. "Up." He suggested.

Haldir nodded, "But.. Thing is.." He took a deep breath, "Mel was never a warrior.. How could he have survived this? There is just no.."

"Maybe he got lucky?" Maedhros said softly. "Let's go look for survivors before we check the dead, okay?"

Haldir turned his head slightly and looked at Maedhros at his side, "Assuming there -are- any survivors."

"Assuming there is, yes." Maedrhos nodded with a grim expression on his face. "There are bound to be, from what I heard from Elladan, these elves have fought off the wildlife since they settled here, and so there is a chance that they are decent warriors. Yes?"

"True." Haldir smiled a little bloodless smile.

"Get some of the other elves to help you search up there." Maedhros gestured up towards the talans with his mangled stump. "My climbing days are over, but i'll stay here and look after Erestor." He squeezed Haldir's shoulder. "Believe me, they are frightened and they need to feel like they are -doing- something, it's good for morale."

"Alright." Haldir sighed, "But you promise me to yell if anything weird happens."

"Weirder than the dead walking?"

"You got a point." Haldir admitted with a little grin, "But you know what I mean." Moving out of Maedhros' hold, he looked directly at the other elf's pale face. "I know we aren't exactly friends. But we can trust eachother, right?"

"Right." Maedhros said, biting back every funny remark he might have had, he could tell from Haldir's expression that now was not the time to joke about shit. And Maddy admitted to himself that he should cut the boyscout a little slack, because after all he knew everything about searching the battlefield for the only one you prayed would not be there. An unwelcome image of Fingon's mangled body surfaced and gave him a chill down his spine. "Get going, I'd rather not be stuck here when it gets dark. This place is fucking creepy as it is."

Haldir left to round up any ablebodied elf to search the Mirkwood city for survivors. Maedhros turned around and looked at Erestor who looked like he slept. And with a sigh he sat down next to him, "Leave it to my brother to doom all living." He sighed, "It's hard to believe that he should have unleashed this. But I suppose it's true."

"Why are you telling me this?" Erestor croaked, licking his dry lips.

"Just making polite conversation." Maedhros sulked, and with a sigh resigned to stare off into the air in silence.

Finally Haldir and the other elves slowly began to come back from their search high above. They had not found a single soul alive, some had seen some terrible things, half eaten elflings, and intrails dangling over railings as the walking dead had left them in a hurry.

"So?" Maedhros asked with a tiny hopeful smile.

"Nothing.." Haldir sighed. "Nor dead or alive." He turned and gazed off into the dense forest. "Does that mean he is staggering around out there somewhere?"

"I don't know." Maedhros admitted as he stood to his feet. "Let's not assume the worst, okay? Maybe the survivors found somewhere else to hide." Maedhros called over Elladan, "Hey kiddo, you know Mirkwood pretty well, right?"

Elladan nodded slightly confused. "I do."

"Do you know if there is something like a cave or a second clearing against rocks or something like that, somewhere where these elves would go if threathned?"

Elladan looked thoughtfull in a moment. "Yes. There are some caves not too far from here.. they could go there."

"Excellent!" MAedhros cheered, "Lead on son." He bowed lightly letting Elladan take the lead of the remains of his people.

Elladan led them all to the caves without any incidents, and in the dying rays of the sun, they saw a tall fence with barbed wire with fleshy stuff hanging from it. "I'd say it's a pretty safe asumption that they are here." Maedhros whispered to Haldir. "Love the decor everyone seems to have developed a taste for in Middleearth." He laughed.

Haldir didn't look amused, but he didn't fail to see the bizar humor in it. "Now we just have to trust that Elladan can get them to let us in."

Maedhros' smile widened, "He's related to me! - Kinda.." He shrugged, "He'll get us in if his dad taught him anything about diplomacy. Elrond wrapped Maglor around his finger.." His words dissappeard into nothing, and he took a deep breath. "Plus if his twin is alive he'll let us in. You'd let your brothers in, so would I. Why should Elladan's brother be different?"

"True." Haldir said with a thoughtful nod. "Just a decade ago you would never see one twin without the other. Even their hair and clothes were mirror images."

"I expect there is a -but- in there somewhere." Maedhros said.

"There is." Haldir admitted, "Legolas happened."

"Who's Legolas?" Maedhros asked.

"King Oropher's son."

"Ah.. A grey elf prince.. Yeah that would complicate shit pretty fast." Maedhros chuckled.

"Anyway, I'm sure they are still as close as any brothers, so I wouldn't worry about it." Haldir said with a little smile.

"Sweet." Maedhros nodded.

Elladan looked up at the makeshift gate with deep sigh, "Legolas!" He called, "Are there anyone in there?"

Legolas came into sight on top of the gate. "What do you want?" He yelled.

"I came to seek refuge." Elladan said, "For the survivors of Rivendell. We have suffered great losses and have many injured. We just want to rest up for a couple of days before we continue to the Grey Havens."

"The Grey Havens? Are you shitting me?" LEgolas laughed. "You wont ever make it there with that sorry bunch."

Elladan flushed red with anger. "Where's my brother?"

"Around."

"So he's alive?" Elladan asked unable to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

"Very much so." Legolas said.

"Cut the shit Legolas." Elladan yelled. "Are you gonna let us in or what?"

Haldir pinched the bridge of his nose, and Maedhros had to stifle a laugh.

"No." LEgolas said, "We barely have enough for our selves.. You just have to push on to the Havens Elladan."

"Fuck off. I want to talk to my brother." Elladan yelled.

"Elladan!" Someone yelled from behind the gate. "Open the motherfucking gate! Now!"

"Don't you fucking dare!" LEgolas yelled from atop the gate.

"I said open the.." Elrohir barked from behind the gate, and then the gate slowly opened, revealing Elrohir, no longer the mirror image of Elladan. None the less the twins fell into eachothers arms.

Legolas grumbled something and finally jumped from from atop the gate. He strolled straight to the twins, "If we let them in then..."

"These are my people, my family.. Legolas surely you can't deny them the aid they need." Elrohir argued hotly. He looked out over the rugged and rather small group of Rivendell elves there was left. "Where's my dad? Where's Glorfindel?" He looked at Elladan, "Where's Erestor?"

"Erestor is in the back, badly hurt." Elladan admitted, "Glorfindel and father is a longer story."

"Oh." Elrohir wet his lips. "Lets get everyone inside before it's dark."

Legolas looked up and down Elladan, "If anyone is infected I will shoot them where they stand."

Elladan just stared back at Legolas, "Let's worry about that if it should happen."


	12. Good, bad I'm the guy with the gun

We've got a reason to be holding on

And tomorrow has become today, become today

And we'll fight fire with fire

Fire with fire

Fire with fire

-scissor sisters

* * *

><p>Haldir really wasn't sure what he expected inside the makeshift compound, but this wasn't it. There couldn't have been a dozen elves huddled in small groups, wary, glassy eyes following the newcomers as they filtered in to the small space. Some seemed to attempt to muster some energy hoping to see friends or loved ones, but as soon as they realized these were not Mirkwood elves, they returned to their stupor. None of them looked to be in any better shape than the new comers.<p>

Haldir couldn't help it; he began scanning the lean hunted faces for his husband, or even that wretched excuse for an elf he ran off with. He saw neither in his brief survey.

As soon as the last Imladris elf made it through the gates, the heavy makeshift barrier was closed again. The air here was not pleasant, the smell of unwashed bodies, smoke and fear made it hard to breath. There was hardly enough light to see by, and Haldir wanted to move on from here as soon as possible, but Erestor was too sick to travel yet, just this afternoon the older elf had added a wet sounding cough to his list of ailments. Haldir really wished he had more skill as a healer, but as it was, he had no idea what was wrong with his old friend. His last hope was Elrohir.

As if thinking about Erestor triggered it; the hacking and wheezing started again from near the gate. Haldir could not see Erestor, but he can clearly hear it.

Already beside himself with anger at Elrohir for opening the gate, Legolas now had a new target. Haldir was shocked to see the bone thin frame of the once handsome elf launch himself in the direction of the sick elf. He was too far and separated by too many bodies to get to him before the prince did, but at the last moment Maddy stepped between the two.

"You ass!" the prince screamed to no one in particular. "You have let in disease!" He tried to push around Maddy, shouting almost incoherently. The tall Feanorian simply grabbed Legolas by the long blond hair at the back of his head and held him back. "You," he nodded toward Elrohir, "Come get your boyfriend before I toss him in a hole."

It wasn't all out chaos, the pitiful group of elves was too worn down for that, but it was a constrained kind of panic. Everyone seemed to move at once but without any direct intent. The only thing it accomplished was it prevented Haldir from making his way back to the gate.

Elrohir left his brother's side to try to keep the stranger from doing anything rash. Behind him, he heard Elladan shout, "Maddy, calm down!"

The noise level in the cave began to rise as excitement spread. This was something they could understand, a good old fashioned argument. Elrohir had reached Legolas and wrapped his arms around his distraught lover, trying to pull him back. His bleached blonde hair tangled in his face.

Only after Elrohir had a good hold on the ranting elf, did Maddy let go of the elf. Before he pulled his arm back, Legolas froze, staring at the redhead's arm, then collapsed. Elrohir was not expecting the sudden dead weight, and both went down to the cave floor in a tangle of limbs. Now it was chaos.

Haldir found out that there was more to the cave then the room they could see from the gate, but not much. Elrohir told him that there was two dozen survivors before the ragged little party from Imladris had showed up.

"Melpomaen is here," Elrohir said hesitantly as he pulled a filthy blanket over Legolas after they had taken him to a quieter corner of the cave. Elladan was doing the same with Erestor as far from the unstable prince as possible given the cramped quarters.

Haldir tried to act casual, but Elrohir knew too much of the story to buy it and quickly apologized for bringing it up.

"So, what's his deal?" Haldir cleared his throat and made a pathetic attempt to change the subject. "He was always a little strange, but this is new," he indicated Legolas where he lay, still quiet.

"Legolas?" Elrohir asked with a sigh. "Before or after his dad tried to eat him?"

Haldir rose a brow, "Well he faced down a fucking Balrog, I'm sure he could manage a little zombie, family or not."

Elrohir shrugged, "Apparently not." He guided Haldir away from Legolas, "And well I sorta suspect it runs in the family."

"Madness?"

Elrohir smiled a little weak smile. "Breaking under pressure.." He said, knowing they both were thinking the same, but he chose to be more diplomatic about it. "It's just crazy shit, like the Fëanorians are back to reclaim middleearth and you know.. crazy talk."

Haldir just nodded, and wasn't about to tell Elrohir how close he was to the truth. Well the truth about the Fëanorians at least, maybe not about the world dominion. He looked over at Maddy who sat in a corner, whinching as a elven lady tried to stitch him up. Amazing that he would be such a cry baby, or maybe it was for show, you just never knew with that elf.

"So." Maedhros said trying to make polite conversation with the elf that stitched him up. "That crazy fella, is that your lord?"

"Prince." The lady corrected him.

"Right.." Maedhros smacked his lips.. "Prince."

"He says the Fëanorians are coming, and they are going to reclaim Middleearth with blood." The lady said, "He saved us all from their wrath."

"Really?" Maedhros asked mildly amused, "What are those Fëanorians so pissed about anyway?"

"The curse of course!" The lady said, "They are going to cleanse the world of all elves and man, so they can find the last gem."

"Oh that, yeah." Maedhros chuckled.

"So we will wait here, pray to Elbereth, and the cursed ones wont find us." the lady said in a tired tone, finishing the last stitch on Maedhros. She smiled at him and whisperd, "Because you see, the gem isn't here."

"You don't say." Maedhros grinned. He turned his arm, testing how the stitches pulled. "Thank you."

"Maddy." Haldir said as he walked towards him, twins in tow. "We need to have a pow-wow."

"Yeah I reconned we did." Maedhros sighed. "What now?"

Haldir looked over his shoulder and sat down, so did the twins. "Legolas has apparently lost his marbles comtletely." He rubbed his face with grimy hands. "He thinks that the Fëanorians are coming, and have ordered what is left of his people to hide here and wait it out."

"I know." Maedhros said with a tired sigh. "The Valar have a really fucked up sense of humor. Just sayin'."

Elladan sighed as well and sat down, pulling Elrohir with him. He looked at his twin. "I know you love Legolas, but I am counting on you to be my brother. Because this is really important shit." He cleared his throat. "We are here to take you all to the Grey Havens to be evacuated, because the Valar wish it so."

"The Grey Havens?"

"Yes." Haldir said, "They are calling us all home, and I don't know why you haven't heard the call of the sea.."

Elladan studied his brother intensely. "Or maybe you have, and you ignored it."

Elrohir looked down in his lap and twisted his hands nervously. "Maybe I did.. maybe we all did.. But Legolas said.."

"Fuck that." Haldir argued, "We need your help, if we are to get the Mirkwood elves to safety. And for that we have to travel to the Grey Havens."

Elrohir nodded, "We won't last much longer here, there isn't any food left and he won't let anyone leave. And those who managed, haven't come back."

"We have a deal then? " Haldir asked holding out his hand to Elrohir.

"Yes." Elrohir shook Haldir's hand to seal the deal.

The conversation was interrupted by a commotion in the back, and before anyone knew what went on, Legolas was standing in front of them again, this time aiming an rifle directly at Maedhros, Legolas eyes aflame with righteous cause. "You!"

"Me?" Maedhros asked with a little grin.

Haldir wondered how long it would take to get out his own gun, what the hell Maddy thought he would get out of pissing off the crazy prince.

"I can't believe you managed to trick your way in here!" Legolas yelled "I knew better than to let any Noldorin elves in here!"

"Come on." Elrohir tried, but was met with ice cold silence.

Haldir finally stood up, placing himself between Legolas and Maedhros. "Don't do anything you'll regret Legolas."

"I need to rid the world of this vermin." Legolas yelled, attracting the attention of all other elves in the caves.

"I take it you think that Maedhros is here to harm you?" Haldir said, "I am telling you that we came here, Maedhros and I. To take you to safety in the Grey Havens. You have -all- heard the call of the sea, and if you ask yourself then you know that I am telling you the truth, the Valar have called us home."

"Valar be praised!" An elf hollered from the back.

"Shut up!" Legolas raged. "It's a trick, the Fëanorian have twisted your mind, and now he will try and twist ours, we will not open the gates for the undead hordes."

Maedhros chuckled a little, "No one asked you to. Because that would be a fucking stupid thing to do, wouldn't it?"

"Silence!" Legolas roared. "Stand up! Spawn of Fëanor, cursed snake!"

Maedhros rose a brow, but stood to his feet none the less, he had to admit to himself he felt slightly light-headed as he rose, but ignored it. "Look.." He sighed, "There is no need for all this doom-talk, it's true, we are here to get you safely to the Havens and to Valinor." He paused and looked at the miserable audience he had, "How many of you have ever seen Valinor? It is the most beautiful place, towers with silver roofs, and.." He looked directly at Legolas, "Elves are not meant to live underground, mate."

Legolas seemed to think about it, and then wet his lips, still aiming directly at Maedrhos' head.

"Does it matter why this plague is here? The question is if you want to live or not. If you want to die, fine - Stay here in this hole till you start eating each other too, because you will eventually when you run out of food, and grow mad with hunger. Or maybe you die from polluted water first? I don't know. But what I do know is that I promised the Valar that I would round up all elves still left here on Middle earth and guide them to the quarantine zone in the Havens, and get you on a boat. I do however have no problem with leaving without you, if you insist on staying here to die." Maedhros stopped talking and looked out over the elves around him.

Haldir stood against the cave wall and smiled, no wonder Maddy was once high king of the Noldor, he had charisma and was damn good at turning the situation around. Haldir pushed off the wall. "We'll leave the day after tomorrow, we need to make some preperations first, and those who want to come are free to join us."

Legolas stood and stared at Maedhros for a long moment before he lowered his rifle. "very well, snake." He said, "Tend to your wounds, sleep and be gone." He turned to Elrohir, "And that is only because your brother is amongst them."

"Thank you." Elrohir said with a smile, squeezing Elladan's hand.

The sweet and almost peaceful moment was ruined when a voice behind Haldir made him freeze like a rabbit. "Haldir?" He sounded almost scared.

"They said you brought a group in from Imladris," Haldir turned and couldn't decide if he was happy or angry. It was Melpomaen. His husband was standing in front of him, alive and almost well.

He didn't know what to do. For so many years Haldir had believed that he would be emotional if he ever saw Melpomaen again, but he felt strangely empty. While searching the wreckage of the Mirkwood settlement, he had battled with the mixed emotions of what he would do if he found his husband's body, now he stood only feet from him, dirty, too thin, but undeniably alive.

"I see you are well," his voice sounded strange even to himself. "I assume Bob is here with you," Haldir felt something perversely akin to pleasure at the wince he saw. Was that guilt? Remorse?

"That wasn't his name and you know it," Melpomaen's voice was shrill, and Haldir almost felt bad.

"I really don't care what his name is, you twat," the cruel words were out before he thought, he had just caught the "wasn't". The genuine pain in the eyes of the elf before him made him feel like a monster.

"Did you say wasn't?" Guilt colored Haldir's voice. "Did he not make it here with you?"

"Apparently you don't care!" Melpomaen balled his hands into fists and. "Don't act like you do. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to come talk to you." He turned to flee back into the cave as Haldir mumbled "me either," quietly.

"Well, wasn't that the heart-warming scene of the year," Maddy said from behind the group of stunned elves. "I am sure that it will make a great ballad someday, but I think we have a bigger problem."

The elleth that stitched the redhead's arm stood wild eyed next to him.

"The sick elf you brought in," she squeaked out, "He is worse."

Haldir didn't wait for an explanation; he had not noticed that the sounds of coughing had quieted while he dealt with Legolas and Maddy.


	13. Maddy, I think this is the beginning of

Maedhros just stood and stared as Haldir hurried off into the back of the cave. He turned to Elladan, "Aren't you going after him?" He asked surprised. An awkward smile crossed his lips as he saw the twins in deep conversation, which no one else was invited to. Amrod and Amras had been like that too, like they had something with each other that no one else understood or shared. Maedhros shrugged "Suppose I can take one for the team." He mumbled making his way down the bottom of the cave, ignoring the glares. Haldir was gone when he got there, and Erestor seemed to sleep again, maybe Erestor just had a nightmare or something. Maedhros frowned at the state of Erestor, this shell was a far cry from the inviting Erestor he had met in Rivendell, but it was not something he hadn't seen before. He had seen sane elves succumb to madness, elves falling ill and die within days. This was nothing special, still he worried. He left and searched for Haldir.

He found him in the nook of a smaller cave in the cave system, Maedhros leaned up at the side of the cave, staring down at the silent elf that was sitting with his back to the opening, and had not noticed he had company. "You're a hard elf to find Marchwarden." Maedhros said with a smile.

"Fuck off." Haldir growled.

"Not happening." Maedhros said covering the distance between them, gingerly sitting himself down next to Haldir. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about this whole clusterfuck".

"Why are you here?" Haldir asked tired, wiping his eyes annoyed, glaring at Maedhros' surprisingly soft green ones.

"You know why." Maedhros answered, he leaned back and rested his head against the cave wall. "Shit, I would blow a pirate with gangrene for a drink, right about now."

Haldir sighed, "No I mean, here -here-." He gestured at the room. "We aren't friends."

"Because we have our differences, you think I don't care?" Maedhros said, "I do." He leaned forward leaning his elbows on his knees. "He doesn't deserve your tears, he abandoned you. Love is a gift that you can't return to sender if you suddenly grow tired of the flavor."

Haldir raised an eyebrow, not expecting something like that could even come over Maedhros' lips, but the red haired elf looked dead serious. "I suppose you're right." Haldir admitted with a little hesitation, "I don't know what I feel. Part of me is happy he is alive, another part of me wants to feed him to the hungry dead, and a part of me is upset that I even care."

"He is an idiot to walk out on you." Maedhros said with a little charming smile.

"Just don't Maddy... Now is not the time." Haldir sighed, resting his head on his knees again, looking at the wall.

"I didn't mean it like that." Maedhros said softly. "You are brave and true, and a fearless warrior," He grinned, "And hot as fuck." - Haldir didn't answer, so Maedhros slid down on the floor and wrapped an arm around Haldir's shoulders. "Actually you remind me a little of someone I once knew, the most fierce elf I ever met." Maedhros rested his head on Haldir's shoulder. "Yes it bothers me to see you cry over a loser like your husband."

"I really do not know what you are up to, but stop it," Haldir mumbled into his lap. "You don't know the whole story; it WAS my fault he left."

"Mousy little thing like him? I can't imagine what you did to make him leave. I imagine it must be something really depraved. Children? Pets? Did you try to get him to wear your mother's dress and play bad boy?" Maddy was just getting into the swing of all the possible fringe sexual acts he could think of when Haldir snapped.

"Leave my mother out this!" Maddy was surprised to see Haldir's dark eyes flashing with anger in the dim light. "You don't know anything about that bitch."

"Whoa!" Maedhros actually took his arm off Haldir's back and almost scooted back away from the suddenly furious elf. "I was just trying to make you laugh; I didn't know you had those kinds of issues."

"What would you know about it?" Haldir said bitterly, losing some of the anger. "You had parents that actually cared about you."

"You don't know about that either," Maddy said, trying not to get angry himself. "The books don't tell the whole story there either. How about you tell me your story and I will tell you mine."

"Why would I," Haldir groused. "You will just turn it against me later. Use it to embarrass me when it is convenient."

Maedhros actually stopped to consider the statement. "OK, how about I tell you some of my embarrassing past, and THEN you will have dirt on me so I can't use anything against you." Haldir just stared at him, and so Maedhros took a deep breath. "I told you that my parents were always really concerned about appearance, proper etiquette and flashing their fantastic life. Everyone in Aman envied them; they had lots of children, a beautiful home, and beautiful horses in their stable and unwavering love for each other. And of course wealth and titles... The shit that success stories are made of. And you're right; my parents loved me in their own way. We kids were downright dead afraid of our grandfather, the high king, he was one scary motherfucker. Old stuffy and always barking commands at you." Maedhros sighed again, "All this came with a price, and I can already hear you go 'oh poor little rich kid', but money isn't everything. My parents had such high expectations to each of us, their sons that we could never ever live up to them. I tried I really did, and I know we all did, we all just wanted to see that proud smile on Fëanor's lips and hear some praising words. More often you met the back of his hand though. And my mother didn't care; she would have to actually be emotionally engaged in someone who's not her, to care. She was more busy with perfecting her garden than with looking at her sons... We were just -expected- to do right."

"So when you took the oath?" Haldir asked with a disappearing voice.

"It was because I knew it was expected of me." Maedhros whispered back, "And I can say the same of my brothers, we just wanted to make him proud, crazy huh?" They sat in silence for a while, "Fingon was just about the only thing that made sense, and he was... everything that I am not. And... and... He was always there to keep me sane, and I asked myself over and over if I had ventured into enemy territory alone, searching for him, I am... I am not so sure. Maybe I would?" He looked directly at Haldir with a sad but serious expression, "He was always the brave one, he was calm and collected," He smiled a little "And fierce." Maedhros raked his hand through his hair, "He taught me to fight with my left hand, the patience he needed for that is astronomical, he loved me, and I loved him like I never loved anything in this world. You know the story I suppose, I repaid his unselfish love with persuading him to do a crazy attack that no one believed in besides me, and because I did, so did he. And he paid the ultimate prize for it. I let him to his death." Maedhros' voice was muddled and raw. "I collected him from the battlefield and made him a pyre, even if my brothers told me not to, but I couldn't leave him there to rot between those fucking filthy things. And I sorta went off the deep end afterward... I was told that I would just lie in my tent and stare off into nothing, not even my surviving brothers could get through to me. I hated the world, I hated my father for his fucking stupid oath, and I hated myself. And when I returned from my vegetated state, all I wanted was to get my father's fucking gems so it had not all been in vain. It didn't exactly go down like that now did it? I never found the goddamn things, and I picked up stray kids on the way too."

"Tell me about that?" Haldir whispered, "I always had a hard time imagining Elrond as a child, he was freaking scary."

Maedhros laughed, "What is there to tell? I suppose I spared them for numerous reasons." He closed his eyes, "I killed some other children, and while it bothered me every time, it was a necessary evil, I don't know... It made sense at the time. And when Maglor yelled at me, I froze and looked down at those two. And they had the same huge gray questioning eyes as Fingon, I... I just couldn't do it. I don't know if the Valar was being funny that I lost my own brothers in that battle, loose a pair of twins, gain a pair of twins. I don't really know what kind of parent I was, not much of anything I suspect. Maglor doted on those two little fuckers. I suppose I was more busy with planning war." Maedhros smiled, "I do remember Elrond he would sneak into my study and just sit there and watch me until he fell asleep in a chair, and I would sometimes run a hand over his hair, asking myself if these children were my chance of redeeming myself, until I asked a servant to carry the child to his bed that is. I was a horrible parent, emotionally crippled and crude, never once caring about their education or anything really. They were young elves, barely through childhood when I realized that I was exactly the same as my own father. Elrond and Elros would try and impress me with their skills, just to hear me praise them or correct them, anything to get my attention." Pain flashed in Maedhros green eyes, "And that was when I sent them away. I couldn't live with what they told me about myself."

"As far as I know, Elrond always had high regards of you." Haldir said soothingly.

"I didn't deserve that." Maedhros admitted. "I was a terrible war lord, a shitty king, and an even worse parent. Yup my achievements are many." He laughed bitterly.

"But you had Fingon." Haldir whispered.

"Yeah well, some things aren't in the history books. Some stories are just better off without its end." Maedhros cringed. "He would visit me in prison for a long time; he would always come on the same day of the week, at a specific time. One day he didn't come, and I sat there and waited until I was guided back to my cell, the next two times the same thing happened, and I admit that I cried bitter tears, I didn't understand why he would leave me behind like that. This guard noticed that I was sulking week after week and he told me that it happened all the time, that your spouse or lover would leave you because the outlook was too bleak, to be married to someone you can never hold - Is just too hard. But I wouldn't listen, I was sure that Fingon was not like that, what we had was different, it was true as the song of Eru. 'cept this little voice nagging in the back of my head wouldn't leave me alone. And when I paced long days alone in my cell, I let that voice whisper to me. I would only be let out once a month to talk to anyone else, even the guards were forbidden to speak to me."

Haldir just looked at Maedhros with sad eyes.

"Anyway one day Fingon came back, and while he seemed his normal self, and he was happy to see me, his excuse for standing me up was stupid. At the time I didn't think a whole lot of it, I just thought that it was plausible that he might have been sent on some business far away. But his visits got more and more irregular, until one day where he sat me down and told me that he couldn't do this anymore, he had married this elf and they even adopted some orphan or some shit, they even thought about returning to middle earth and all. I suppose he tried to redeem himself in the eyes of the elven community, he was perhaps fed up with being the mad elf's lover? I don't know. But what I know is that when he left that day, he never came back. And I was left to mourn him once more. Eventually I stopped thinking of him in present, and just remembered him as he was. You have no idea how hard that is, not to live in the past, when you have nothing but your own mind to keep you company. Sometimes I would knock myself out against the wall, just so I could sleep my time away." Maedhros grinned sheepishly, clearly embarrassed. "Isolation plays tricks on your mind; it's a fate worse than death." Maedhros looked away sporting a weak blush, "Imagine having nothing but time and silence. After a while your world boils down to your regrets and your happiest moments, have you ever wondered about that you never know which is which, as it happens, but years later it comes back to taunt you?"

"I know what it is like to replay good moments over and over, wondering how you went from there to here." Haldir admitted.

Maedhros nodded, "If nothing else, then this trip has given me something else to occupy my mind with, when I go back." His voice disappeared to a whisper.

"Go back?" Haldir asked frowning, "Surely you..."

"I asked for freedom for my family." Maedhros whispered, "Not for myself."

"So you go back to prison when we arrive at Aman?" Haldir asked, surprised to hear that Maedhros could be able of such an unselfish deed, he didn't exactly strike him as a self

sacrificing person.

"I do." Maedhros leaned against Haldir again, "And I understand that Fingon couldn't wait forever, and promises of eternity are easy to make, when you don't know what eternity holds. I am not bitter anymore, I just hope he is happy, and maybe I sorta wish that he would come see me though." He placed a hand on top of Haldir's arm. "Would you - would you perhaps write me when we get home? I mean just once in a while to let me know how you are doing? I can't promise you I will write back, but it would be nice to know that someone... I don't know... Someone to remind me of life outside." He paused, "You see I have no windows, and no one to talk to besides myself. So if you would maybe tell me about what you are up to, I could imagine that instead?" For a second Maedhros looked a little worried and terribly vulnerable, "I'm not freaking you out, am I?"

"So that is your secret, huh?" Haldir asked softly with the hint of a smile. "You are lonely."

"I suppose so." Maedhros admitted and then smiled embarrassed again, "Yeah you're right. I am." They sat for a short moment in silence again, until Maedhros asked "So are you gonna tell me why the idiot out there, let someone like you slide?"

Haldir gave Maddy a shy smile and shrugged, not sure he really wanted to tell the elf beside him. "I made a mistake," Haldir admitted. "I thought I could change him."

Maddy just waited patiently for Haldir to go on. After a few awkward moments, Haldir took a deep breath and continued.

"My mother was not exactly mother of the year, any year." He mumbled bitterly. "She drank, she slept with men and elves, and she didn't care enough about us to make sure those pieces of shit she brought home weren't hurting us."

Maddy started to get a bad feeling about where this was going. "What about your father, surely he had an opinion about her letting their sons see this kind of behavior."

"I am sure he would have, if he had still been alive." Haldir picked up a small pebbled and tossed it against the wall, trying to act nonchalant. "In fact, it was his death that she used as an excuse to start acting like a common whore."

"Wait, back up," Maddy interrupted. "What happened to your father? You are not old enough for him to have died in one of the larger wars."

"Yeah, that." Haldir stalled again. There was a reason he didn't like to talk about this. "Don't really know what happened, we never found out. They found his body near the river. Well, what was left of him," The light haired elf took a shaky breath. "I was only about 15 at the time, too small to really understand what was happening, and of course, no one wanted to say anything in front of me, but I heard enough." He shifted uncomfortably.

"They found his head at the top of a tree, and his liver in a cave near the water. Some parts were never found." He shrugged. The actual death of his father had long since ceased making him feel sad, it was so long ago that he almost didn't remember the elf. It was the gruesome details that made him feel so terrible about it. At times, he almost understood why his mother went mad, but then he remembered those horrible hairy men trying to… He stopped that train of thought. Rumil had been OK. He and Orophin had got there in time.

Maddy was still being quiet, which was a small miracle. "She started drinking that day, and by the end of the year, she had a new lover. A pathetic excuse for an elf. He spent as much time trying to corner me as he did in her bed." He stopped again, praying Maddy would not ask him to actually say it.

"Did he…?" It seems even the Feanorian was not willing to say it.

"Yeah, a few times," Haldir blushed and made sure not to look at Maedhros. "She knew about it, but never did anything to stop him. She actually told me to shut up about it, because if I made him mad, he might leave her."

"He is probably Orophin's father. But it might have been the one after. She never let her bed get cold, or her bottle empty. You would be surprised how many men and elves are willing to fuck a drunk bitch with a couple little kids." Maddy gave a snort.

"Probably not. The number of depraved and worthless elves and men is limitless."

"Yeah, well, it was surprising to me. Every night, I would lay there and try to hold my breath hoping they would forget about me. Once Orophin was born, I hid him under the bed so they might forget about him." Now he was about to cry again.

"Sometimes it didn't work. He could barely talk the first time one of those bastards grabbed him from under the bed and took him away. When I finally got him back he cried for two days." Haldir had to fight down a gag. It was one of his least favorite memories, the poor terrified, hurt elfling sobbing in his arms because his own mother let this happen to him. He hadn't been able to help Orophin, but they tried to make sure it never happened to Rumil.

Maedhros was silent. He had no idea what to say, he couldn't even think of a snarky remark. This was even worse than he had thought.

"She got so bad near the end, she had so many different lovers, and we actually thought Rumil was half human for almost 10 years. We are pretty sure he is…was a full elf." He felt a little stab of guilt at the reminder that he had not been there for his brothers at the end of their lives.

"Well, I can see where you might have a few issues, but why would that twat over there get so bent out of shape he would run off to this hell hole?" He indicated the dank cave they were huddled in. Some time while they had talked snow had started to fall and white flakes sifted in through the flimsy barricade.

"I was really crazy for him," Haldir admitted. "We were in Imladris as a guard for the lord and lady. They were there to see their grandsons and all three of us went with them." He gave a sad smile.

"He was Erestor's assistant. He was assigned the task of making sure all of the guards were given rooms. He showed me to a room to share with my brothers, but I never spent a single night there."

"I never went home either. When it came time for the party to leave, I opted to stay with Melpomaen. We got married almost immediately. I didn't want to wait; I had never had a lover before and wanted to be with him all the time." He blushed again.

"Never marry your first lover," Maddy tried to lighten the mood a little. "That always ends in tears."

"Tell me about it," Haldir admitted bitterly. "I really should have got to know him better before we got married, but I was so head over heels, I didn't notice."

"Notice what?" Maddy decided to bite once Haldir was quiet for a long time.

"I noticed that he was too much like my mother. He liked to drink, a lot, and after only a few months, started trying to get me to let him bring others into our bed. It just reminded me of growing up and the endless parade of disgusting creeps coming in and out of my mother's room."

"I tried to convince him to stop it, but when I refused to play, he just went out and started sleeping around without me." He found another pebble, tossed it and watched as it bounced off a few rocks before coming back to rest at his feet. "Everyone knew. They couldn't stop talking about it."

"We fought about it constantly, he reminded me how dull I was, and how I wasn't willing to let him have fun since I wasn't able to have any fun myself."

"We hadn't even shared a room for months before he left. The Mirkwood elves left and he left with them. I had to find out from someone else that he had gone and who he left with."

"He never hurt you, did he?" Maedhros asked softly.

Only my pride." Haldir sighed.

"The lord and lady.." Maedhros snickered, "You do realize that she is my snotnosed cousin, don't you? Tough I wouldn't advise you to piss her off while she is close to something pointy" When Haldir just smiled, Maedhros continued, "She once stabbed me with a pen because I cut off one of her braids."

Haldir's eyes went large and then he laughed, "You cut off one of Lady Galadriel's braids?"

"Dude.. it was retribution for the snake she had put in my bed." Maedhros chuckled.

Haldir shook his head having a hard time to imagine either elves as children.

"Look Haldir, I might not be the smartest elf around, but.."

"Spare me your bullshit about being a better person, please Maddy." Haldir sighed.

"How the fuck do you know what I was about to say." MAedhros huffed, pulling Haldir closer. "You want me to go kick his ass?"

Haldir laughed so his entire body shook. "No.." He managed to croak out, "But thanks for the offer."

"Anytime." Maedhros said with a straight face, not quite sure what was so funny.


	14. Haldir, I've got a feeling we're not in

Strange days have found us

Strange days have tracked us down

They're going to destroy

Our casual joys

We shall go on playing

Or find a new town

-The Doors.

* * *

><p>"Mandos on a fucking pogo stick!" Maedhros cheered, "Check it out! It snowed!" Most elves were still sleeping, but his outburst made some look up. "Elladan! Did you see this?" Maedhros skipped out into the small outdoor zone there was between the gates and the cave. Elladan scratched his head and slowly trotted towards the cave opening, watching as Maedhros just bend down and buried his hand in the snow.<p>

"It's snow, man." Elladan yawned, "It comes roughly once a year."

"It's just been a while." Maedhros grinned, "I haven't seen snow since your dad was younger than you." He turned swiftly and with a well-placed throw, hit Elladan square in the face with a snowball.

"Hey!" Elladan spurted, wiping the snow out of his face. "It's not fair!"

"Why not?" Maedhros asked, and to Elladan's frustration hit the young elf in the face once more with a snowball.

"Because..." Elladan bend over and made a snowball himself, "You only have one hand for fucks sake." He tossed it and hit Maedhros' chest.

"Getting your ass kicked by a cripple?" Maedhros laughed, hitting Elladan once more in the face.

"Goddammit! Stop being good at this!" Elladan yelled with a laugh, while he desperately tried to scrabble a snowball.

"Your dad sucked at it too." Maedhros taunted, but just as he was about to throw, he was hit by a snowball on the left side of his face. Elladan laughed and Maedhros scraped snow off his face, turning to see who had thrown it. "Go figure." He pouted as he saw Haldir's grin. "Outmaneuvered by a fucking boy scout... how... fitting somehow." Maedhros laughed.

"Actually." Haldir said, "I came to fetch you."

Maedhros assumed that he was talking about Elladan, and just turned his back to Haldir and stared off up at the trees covered in snow. "Yo Maddy, I'm talking to you!" Haldir called.

"Me?" Maedhros asked turning around, "But I thought..." He looked over at Elladan who just looked away. Maedhros smiled at Elladan as he walked inside the cave to hear what Haldir had to say.

"It's Erestor." Haldir whispered, "Come" He grabbed Maedhros' arm and pulled him along until they came to a smaller cave where someone had left some sparse lighting, so Maedhros could make out someone laying on the floor. "He has..." Haldir said, "Nah you should see it for yourself." He pushed Maedhros into the room.

Maedhros squatted next to Erestor, who looked pale and feverish. "What am I looking at?" He asked softly, brushing some strains of hair from Erestor's face.

"At first." Haldir said, slowly pacing the room back and forth, "First no one apparently thought much off him leaving the main cave, they thought he was sulking over something, he did seem depressed and slightly off balanced. Then a Mirkwood elf found him in here last night, having a fit. He was examined and..."

"He got the sickness?" Maedhros asked with frown.

"Yeah." Haldir nodded, "Legolas told me that it seemed to originate from this infected wound, something like a bite mark on his neck."

"Oh." Maedhros sucked in his breath. "Is he sure?"

"Apparently so." Haldir said, nodding towards Erestor and Maedhros, "On his left."

Maedhros brushed Erestor's hair aside and pulled down the fabric of the black robe a little, and sure enough there was a black, festering wound. For the longest time Maedhros just sat and stared at it. "Are they sure that the infection didn't get in somewhere else, and that it just surfaced in this mark?"

"Why would you say that?" Haldir asked, stopping his pacing, looking puzzled.

"Because he already had that bite mark back in Rivendell." Maedhros said.

"Are you sure?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely!" Maedhros admitted. "He had that bite mark when I met him. I just figured he fucked someone who was a biter." He shrugged.

"Maybe he did..." Haldir said, seating himself on the floor at Erestor's feet. "Remember the blond elf you shot in his bed, the one with the stellar porn collection?"

Maedhros nodded.

"He was Erestor's lover."

"Oh..." Maedhros' lips became a fine line of worry.

"Is something wrong?" Haldir asked.

"No... No, I was just thinking." Maedhros said with a charming smile, choosing not to tell Haldir about that Erestor took a bite out of his left side. "You know, if the infection takes this long, then anyone could be infected and not know it. He only got really sick here... Maybe he was acting a little weird halfway, but still."

Haldir chose not to voice his thoughts, about Maddy just being pissed that Erestor didn't want to put out. But he didn't.

Maddy sighed and stood up. "You know what we have to do, right?" He said quietly. He really wasn't sure how Haldir would react.

"Yeah," Haldir answered sullenly, sitting on the ground and gently placing Erestor's head in his lap. He started stroking the tangled black hair. "Could you. . .?" He didn't dare meet Maddy's eyes and braced himself for a snide remark about him being too weak or a coward. He was so startled he looked up when Maddy just said, "Sure."

Haldir swallowed hard. "We better do it soon, before anyone else figures it out, it would cause a panic." He knew he needed to get up and let Maddy do what needed to be done, but he sat there and kept looking at his old friend. Erestor had always been pale, but now his skin looked thin as well, dark veins showed through at his throat, cheeks and forehead. The large eyes were sunken into a face that was looking too thin.

"You know, you may have got the wrong impression of him," Haldir mumbled. "I'm not saying he wasn't a slut, but he was really smart, and you couldn't ask for a more loyal friend."

They were getting into territory that Maddy was no longer comfortable with. "I'm sure," he said dryly. "The zombie apocalypse really hasn't brought the best out in anyone. Except maybe you."

Haldir opened his mouth to ask what the hell that meant, but just then the elf in his lap stirred. He froze. He really had no idea what to expect. Normally they had to die before they turned into a shambling monster, but what if. . .? He didn't even want to finish the thought. If Erestor had died right there in his lap while he talked to Maddy, he was pretty sure he would lose what was left of his mind.

"Haldir?" Erestor's voice sounded scratchy. "Where are we? Did we make it to Mirkwood? I thought we did, but. . . "

"Yeah, we made it. We are here with the rest of the survivors."

"OK," was the only response as Erestor turned his face further into Haldir's lap. Haldir continued to stroke his hair. "I don't feel all that good," he mumbled into the blond elf's leg.

"Yeah, I know." Haldir tried hard not to choke on the words. He didn't want to alarm Erestor. He obviously was not entirely successful because Erestor opened his eyes again and tried to sit up.

"Do I have it?" Panic was creeping into Erestor's voice. "Am I going to turn into one of those things?" The deep wet cough returned and Erestor didn't even look as he wiped bloody foam from his lips. "I don't want to die, Haldir!" Claw like fingers, hot as coals grabbed his wrists. The dark, fever bright eyes were filled with tears that left faint steaks of blood on the pale cheeks. "I can't be one of those horrible things."

Haldir opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but no words came out. He didn't know if he should lie to Erestor, or break it to him now?

"No, Erestor, you are not going to turn into a zombie." Maddy said firmly from behind the panicking elf. "You haven't been anywhere near one for at least a whole day."

Haldir looked at the redhead gratefully. Leave it to Maedhros to lie without saying anything actually false.

"Just lay down again, Erestor," Haldir said. "I was just upset because you had a seizure and it scared us. You haven't been taking very good care of yourself." He tried to scold gently, but Erestor just sighed and coughed again as he put his head back in Haldir's lap, this time being sure to face Maddy as well.

"Yeah, well, zombies eating all your friends make that kind of hard," he admitted. There was silence for a moment until Erestor cleared his throat and spoke again.

"I'm sorry I said all that to you, Maddy." He admitted sheepishly. "It really wasn't your fault."

"Hey, no problem, you aren't the first to get all catty at me." He tried to make it sound like a joke, and Erestor gave him a small wry smile as a reward.

Haldir would never know what Erestor was about to say next, because a commotion was starting outside the little cave they were in. He could hear Legolas voice above it all and he was screaming about zombies and Feanorians.

He shared a look with Maddy and moved Erestor's head out of his lap. "I'll go see what his problem is." He impulsively placed a quick kiss on Erestor's flushed cheek before he slipped out of the room. Maddy just nodded grimly to him as he passed.

"Give me a second, Erestor, I'll be right back." Maddy stepped away for enough that Erestor would not be able to see him, or hear him. He was going to have to do this, he stepped outside in the carved hall that lead back to the main cave, and took a deep breath. What the hell was he thinking, volunteering for this? Maedhros pulled out his rifle and cracked it open, cradling it with his arm stump, digging in his pocket for two slugs. Biting his lip as he pushed them in, trying to deny that his hand was shaking slightly. He slammed the rifle shut, leaving the safety off. Leaning his head against the wall, Maedhros closed his eyes, thinking back on all the elves that had died by his hand, it never did get easier did it? He only did this because he could see the hurt in Haldir's eyes, Maedhros was sure that had he not been around, Haldir would have done it, but maybe it would have taken the last hint of life in the warden's eyes. And Maedhros had to admit to himself, that he would not want that to happen. He needed Haldir to hope, to believe in this suicide mission.

Maedhros pushed off the wall and walked into the room with Erestor, rifle hidden on his back in case Erestor was still awake. "Where's Elladan?" Erestor whispered.

"He's fine." Maedhros said with a little smile, "He is with Elrohir."

"Good." Erestor smiled weakly. "I'm glad they are together." The coughing stopped and the elf on the floor's breathing seemed to ease and smooth into a regular rhythm. Maedhros raised the rifle and was about to pull the trigger when the quiet voice from the pallet started again.

"You really aren't that bad a guy, Maddy. Maybe when we get to the Havens we can try again." The dark eyes stayed closed. "There are plenty of things I never showed you." He tried to laugh, but it made him cough again, sending blood in a fine mist across the blanket. The disease, once it got a foot hold must progress rapidly, Maedhros noted. Good to know. Eat a bullet once the coughing starts.

"Sounds like a plan." Maedhros said softly, biting his lip inwardly counting to ten, "Is there anything you need?" Maedhros asked, still standing close to the exit, watching Erestor on the bedroll on the middle of the cave. He stepped a little closer to be sure that he wouldn't miss.

"No.." Erestor slurred, eyes fluttering trying to remain open. "I just need to sleep."

"Of course." Maedhros said, just standing there for a moment, watching Erestor. He took a step more towards the resting elf, swung the rifle around and aimed it at Erestor's head, "I'm so sorry." He mumbled, and before Erestor could react if he had even heard it, Maedhros pulled the trigger.

Haldir came around the corner when he heard the gunshot, he wasn't even sure he wanted to see, but he had to make sure. He stopped in the doorway and stared at Maedhros who had undone Erestor's rope, to place it over the dead elf as a shroud, obscuring Erestor's head and torso.

"Do you have any special rites?" Maedhros asked with a muddled voice, running his fingers through the part of Erestor's dark matted hair that stuck out from under the robe.

"No." Haldir said softly, "Not that we can afford to uphold as it is."

"You want to bury him in the ground like the Dunedain does?" Maedhros asked, turning to Haldir, getting to his feet, "Or should we leave him here in this tomb?"

"I.." Haldir dropped his gaze from the blood splattered elf before him. "I don't know."

"Alright, then we leave him here for now." Maedhros said, "We should be on our way tomorrow." He pushed past Haldir, leaving the Marchwarden with the dead elf on the floor. He just couldn't stay in there anymore, he had to get out, had to get some air.

He noticed Elladan and Elrohir's looks as he walked straight past them and out through the mouth of the cave. He started to pace in the snow, mumbling to himself, words not meant for anyone than Mandos. "You asked me to get these elves to safety, and I assume you asked me, because you knew I could do it. You never said I would have to like it." He sucked in his breath, "But what if I don't make it to the havens? You saw Erestor, and you know what he did, I feel tired and worn like nothing else, and.. And I don't think I will make it, will you still uphold out agreement as long as the elves get to the havens? Tell me you will still release my family!"

"You!" Legolas yelled.

Maedhros stopped pacing and mumbling, and looked up at Legolas.

"You brought the infection in here! You put us all in risk," He narrowed his eyes, "You are the risk."

"What the hell are you talking about, Erestor didn't touch anyone while he was here!" Maedhros argued, suddenly regretting he hadn't loaded his rifle again after Erestor.

"You don't know how it travels, it could be airborne, we have children here.. " Legolas raved, "I want you to take your Noldo elves, and I want you gone!"

"We will -all- leave in the morning." Elladan cut in behind Legolas. Elrohir stood at his side, "Both Mirkwood and Rivendell elves, we can't stay here any longer Legolas, we will starve."

"You too?" Legolas gasped, "I knew letting those elves in was a bad idea, Fëanorian blood! Bad blood!"

"Technically" Elrohir said with a frown, "I am every bit as Fëanorian as my brother."

"And technically none of them are Fëanorian, since I have no children, and Celebrimbor that poor kid, he died childless too." He stared at Legolas and the twins, "Elrond was my prisoner of war. The fact that the stupid kids grew on me is a different story. And you all have the father of the apocalypse, Maglor - to thank for that. Just sayin'."

"He doesn't have to spring from your toxic loins to have been brainwashed by you!" Legolas argued, raising his rifle at Elrohir.

"What the fuck are you doing man?" Elladan yelled, pulling his twin behind him.

"Don't be a fucking idiot Legolas." Maedhros said, slowly pulling out his rifle, he didn't reckon that he would have time to load it, but Legolas didn't know it wasn't loaded. "Listen to yourself. Sodding crazy talk."

Legolas didn't take his eyes off the twins, "To believe that I didn't see the snake at my bosom, the Valar indeed have a sense of humor."

Elrohir angrily pushed Elladan's hold off him and stepped out to the side, and stared directly at Legolas, "The elves of Mirkwood followed you here because you are their prince, and because they thought that you would save them. But they have seen nothing but death and hunger." His voice rose to yelling, "They are fucking dying, and not from the infection, but from everything else! Wake up and look around! Maedhros' plan is fuck-all, but sure as shit better than sitting around waiting for death!"

Haldir stepped out into the small outdoor area, looking confused back and forth between the elves, his eyes locked with Maedhros' who just shook his head. "What the hell are you doing Legolas?" Haldir asked.

"Something I should have done a long time ago." Legolas mumbled.

"Don't." Maedhros said behind Legolas, but he was seconds late, because Legolas got a shot off. Haldir just stood and stared as the scene unfolded, Elrohir went down, Elladan with him, cursing from the top of his lungs. Legolas aiming once more, but was cut off by Maedhros hitting him square in the temple with the hilt of the rifle.

It was not until Haldir heard a sickening cracking sound that he was shaken from his trance. Jolting into action, he sprinted over and wrapped his arms around Maedhros' torso, pulling him off Legolas' corpse. "He is dead, man.. Relax.. Breathe Maddy, breathe.."

Maedhros let out a shuddering breath that sounded close to a sob. "I'm good.. He panted. But Elrohir.. "

"He is gonna be fine." Yelled Elladan slightly panicky, "He only hit him in the shoulder. But we need to get him patched up, fast!"

"You do that." Maedhros sighed, placing a bloody hand on top of the death grip Haldir still held on his torso. "Honestly Haldir, you can let go now."

Haldir gingerly let go of Maedhros, he looked down at Legolas' dead body in the snow, his head caved in completely. "Oh Eru." He sighed.

"He was an asshole." Maedhros stated, "And he shot my grandson, no one shoots my family."

"I see that." Haldir said, looking over at Elladan who hauled Elrohir back in the cave. "I'll cover him up so the others won't freak too much."

Maedhros nodded, "Haldir?" He asked with a strangely timid tone, and then regretted what he was about to say. "We should get out of here, today."

"I agree." Haldir nodded, studying Maedhros, he looked tired and worn, but who wouldn't in his shoes? Haldir didn't feel too energetic himself, he would kill for a decent night's sleep. "Go wash some of that stuff off you, and I'll prep the elves."

"Thanks." Maedhros shot Haldir a boyish smile, before he too slowly made his way back into the cave.


	15. The real trick to survival lies not in r

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

-Maroon5

* * *

><p>There was really no point in covering the prince's body. In a matter of minutes nearly every survivor in the camp knew something big had happened. It took only a few more minutes for them to start putting together the pieces. Erestor had been infected in Rivendell. None of them were safe.<p>

Haldir found himself just standing there, staring at the bright red blood in the snow as the once lethargic elves worked themselves into a frenzy around him. It was so bright compared to the white snow, so much brighter than it should be. A strand of blond hair trailed from under the cloak, now soaked with blood and Haldir had the strange urge to collect it. Put it in his pocket.

The gates were thrown open, many feeling that their odds were better in the wilds rather than trapped in close quarters with others who might be infected. Maybe they were right. Maybe getting as far away from everyone else as possible was the answer. Maybe it was now time for the first born to learn to live alone, not clustered together in families and cites. Evolution in action.

The soft crunch of new snow under boots came up behind Haldir, but he didn't turn around.

"For what it is worth, I really am sorry for everything," Melpomaen said softly and laid one cold hand on Haldir's shoulder.

"Not much," The blond said.

"What?" Melpomaen sounded genuinely confused.

"You said 'for what it is worth'" Haldir said shortly. "I said 'not much'"

The hand fell away from his shoulder and Haldir finally turned. The elf he once loved more than any other stood before him, head bowed, dark hair tangled and dirty, snow collected on his eye lashes.

Haldir felt almost nothing. The anger and feelings of betrayal that had plagued him for years were gone. There was almost nothing.

Melpomaen never lifted his eyes from the trampled snow. "I was coming to say good bye, Haldir. To tell you that I still love you."

"So you are going to join the loony's running through the woods hoping to outrun the disease?" Haldir knew his voice sounded harsh, but he didn't have the energy to correct it. "You think that you have a better chance out there alone?"

His husband scuffed at the snow at his feet and shook his head. A sniffle let Haldir know that the other elf was crying.

"No, Haldir," Melpomaen said with a thick voice. "There is no hope out there. There is no hope in here either. There is no hope left anywhere."

Without warning, Melpomaen lunged forward and placed a quick kiss on the startled Haldir's lips before turning and walking away, shoulders and head bowed as if he carried a great weight.

A flurry of activity pulled Haldir's attention away from the retreating elf. He had almost forgotten Elrohir; he had gotten so wrapped up in his own thoughts. As he approached the twins, Elladan still kneeling over his brother, holding a torn shirt to the ragged wound in his brother's shoulder he saw the Elrohir was at least awake.

Maddy came up to the pair just about the same time Haldir did, and handed Elladan a clean scrap of fabric.

"Did it go all the way through?" He asked his grandsons.

"Yes," Elladan started. "I won't have to have someone go digging around for it." Elrohir finished. Haldir had forgotten how strange that could be. Hearing them finish each other's sentences brought back memories of happier times.

Maddy stroked Elrohir's bleached hair and laughed. "You two are so much like Elrond and Elros." He smiled fondly as he tugged a platinum lock. "But you are going to have to dye your hair back. That is just wrong."

Both twins started to ask questions about their father and uncle at the same time.

"I should have seen that coming," Maddy started, but was cut off by the sound of a gun shot from the caves.

Elves ran in the direction of the caves, or away as they were so inclined. Everyone assumed one of the dead had either gotten in, or someone had turned. Everyone but Haldir.

Now Melpomaen's strange words made sense. His husband had been trying to tell him that he planned to die rather than try to make it to the havens, and he had been an ass and sent him away, alone.

Haldir sunk to his knees in the snow and placed his face in his hands, trying not to cry. By the time the news filtered back to the small group, Haldir had given up and was sobbing like a heart broken child.

Maddy and the twins had no idea what to do. None of them had ever imagined a situation where Haldir would be the one needing comfort.

"That's it," Maddy announced. "We need to get out of here tonight. Right now." He leaned over to offer his arm to Elrohir. "Sorry, but you are going to have to ride Badger."

As if summoned, the ethereal horse appeared.

"Pull it together, Cupcake," Maddy said calmly to Haldir. "There will be plenty of time to fall apart later."

Maedhros sent Elladan to see who and what he could round up in only a few minutes while he worked to get Elrohir on Badger's back. Badger helped by biting Haldir's hair.

Angry, Haldir swatted at the infernal beast. "I have something to do first." Haldir mumbled as he staggered back toward the caves.

"Be quick about it, Princess," Maddy called after him. "This isn't the time to go looking for souvenirs." Haldir didn't turn around but he threw a rude gesture over his shoulder at the mouthy red-head.

Inside the caves, it wasn't hard to find Melpomaen. Silently, Haldir pushed through the small crowd that always seems to be drawn to tragedy. Without acknowledging the whispers and nervous glances, Haldir gathered his husbands limp body into his arms and carried him to the small cavern that held Erestor's body.

Carefully, he arranged the two elves side by side, lovingly folding their arms and smoothing their hair. He then took all the cloth he could find and lay it over them. Before, he had been worried about attracting more of the walking dead, but now, it no longer mattered. The elves wandering like fools through the trees were sure to attract any zombies in the area already. There was no reason to not give his friend and husband a pyre.

The twittering crowd had now gathered at the entry to this cavern and Haldir angrily waved them away.

"Get out," he shouted, voice breaking. "You have five minutes to get what you want from these caves and get to the courtyard, before I light this fire."

The crowd scattered and he tried to be patient as he waited for the caves to empty, but sitting here with the two bodies was too hard for him and he just hoped he had given the others enough time. The caves were sure to fill with smoke.

He lit the fabric covering Erestor and Melpomaen, and once he was sure it was not going to go out, he staggered from the caves and into the snow filled yard.

"OK, let's go." Was all he would say as he grabbed a horse milling in the snow and pulled himself up onto its back.

Maedhros walked in the back of the convoy of the last survivors, a hand on Badgers side to steady himself, it been so long since he had felt this weariness in his bones, last it had made him jump into a goddamn ravine, just to escape the pain, the sluggish thoughts. He knew what this was, it was death. And on the third day of their march, he could hardly put one foot in front of the other, he wasn't even really relieved when they stopped for the night, he laid down and tried to sleep, wishing that sleep would somehow recharge his energy some. Laying on a pelt staring off into the starlit sky, he could hear elves talk softly, some laughing some crying, and he thought he might have heard a baby. He closed his eyes and sighed, it was a very real possibility that he would not make it to the Havens, he wasn't sure where they were, but he wasn't even sure he would be able to get up again.

"Maddy?" Haldir asked, sitting down at his side with a bowl of some foul looking stuff that made it up for food. "I have some food for you."

"Not hungry." Maedhros whispered, opening his eyes and looked up at Haldir's worried face.

"Sure?" Haldir asked.

"Sure." Maedhros lifted his hand and placed it on Haldir's, "Are you okay?" He asked, "Your friend and your husband."

"Yeah." Haldir said looking away from Maedhros' gaze, "You were right, we can mourn later, right now we have to get these elves to safety."

"Right..."

"The twins are worried about you," Haldir said, his gaze travelled back to Maedhros' face. "Are -you- alright?"

Maedhros took a deep breath, "No." He pushed up to sit opposite Haldir, and without warning he leaned forward and kissed a baffled Haldir on the lips. It felt electric and sad at the same time, like a promise of things that would never be. "I just had to know what it was like." Maedhros whispered against Haldir's cheek. "Now I know." He smiled.

"What the..."

"Can you blame me?" Maedhros tried to grin, but it came out a grim mask of pain instead. The seriousness returned to his eyes, "You can't tell anyone." He said softly and pulled up in his shirt so Haldir could see the swollen blackening bite-mark. "I..." Maedhros said looking away from Haldir while pulling his shirt down again. "I don't think I am going to make it to the Havens."

"No... No... Nononono..." Haldir chanted, "Don't say that..."

"Well it's the fucking truth ain't it?" Maedhros hissed angrily, and then grabbed Haldir's shoulder, staring him straight into his eyes. "You have to promise me to get these elves to the Havens, you can do it, I know you can."

"I promise." Haldir whispered, and for some insane reason that Haldir wasn't aware of himself, he leaned in and kissed the red-haired elf back, resting his forehead against his. "You should have told me about the bite."

"It would have made no difference." Maedhros argued.

"Maybe not." Haldir sighed, "But you should have trusted me." - Maedhros smiled, and Haldir recalled reading about the eldest of Fëanor's beautiful smile, the books didn't even do it justice right now.

"I should." Maedhros admitted.

"What... what happens then?" Haldir asked, feeling slightly sheepish, but he didn't exactly know how to react to this.

"Don't worry." Maedhros leaned back, and slowly rested down into his sleeping mat. "I will take care of it myself."

Haldir paled at the thought, but he still licked his lips, "You don't have to, I mean... I could..."

"I know." Maedhros sighed, "But I don't want you to." He shot Haldir another smile, "You'll be fine, you just get those elves to the quarantine zone. You don't need me for that."

Choosing to ignore him, Haldir nervously tucked in some hair behind his ear. "What will happen to you? - After I mean..." His voice disappeared to nothing.

"I'll go back where I came from." He smiled weakly, "No biggie."

"You go back to the isolation at the halls?" Haldir asked.

"Yeah."

"But what you did here... it's nothing less than..." Haldir argued, and then grinned and blushed weakly, "Heroic I suppose."

Maedhros laughed, "That'll be the first." His voice turned serious, and so did his expression. "It is the price I was willing to pay. You know that. You would have done the same for your brothers."

"Maybe." Haldir admitted.

"You should go check on the twins; I think they need someone to lean on." Maedhros smiled bitterly, closing his eyes, "Thrown into being the one everyone expects to fix things, without having the slightest clue as to what to do. That is scary fucking business. They are lucky they have someone like you."

"They would have been better off with you or Erestor." Haldir said, and then placed a hand on Maedhros' shoulder. "Besides, you aren't exactly a walking corpse."

"Yet."

"My bad." Haldir smiled; glad that he could still joke. "Come on, I think it's you they need to hear it from."

Maedhros opened his eyes again, "No it's not."

Haldir gave up. If he had learned anything about the stubborn elf in front of him, it was not to argue, you can't win. "Have it your way," he sighed and turned around, looking for Elrond's sons.

The pair sat huddled together with their backs to Badger, using the Meara as a wind break. Not that Badger seemed to mind.

"How are you?" he asked as he approached the pair. Elrohir looked pale and his handsome face was pinched from pain and exhaustion.

"Depends on what you mean?" Elrohir answered. "My shoulder will heal." He added grimly. Haldir saw the pained expression his brother gave him when he said that. Though Haldir had some idea, he couldn't know exactly what Elrohir was feeling. Melpomaen had hurt him, but not physically. But both were dead now.

"You will have time to heal in both ways once we get to the havens," he tried to sound reassuring, but the heavy sigh from both twins told him he had failed.

"Haldir," Elladan said with a heavy voice. "We already know." For a moment, Haldir almost panicked, he thought they meant they knew about Maddy.

"None of us will be going to the Havens," Elrohir finished and Haldir gave an internal sigh of relief. "If it takes that long to know who is sick now, there is no way of knowing who has it, and who doesn't." Elladan started the narrative at this point. "Glorfindel had been sick for weeks before you arrived, so for Erestor to get it from him, he must have been sick for a really long time before we knew it."

Haldir couldn't meet their eyes. He and Maddy had already talked about it. The odds that they would be allowed into the havens now were pretty slim.

"There may still be a way," He tried lamely.

"Always an optimist, Haldir, " Elladan said sadly. "Sometimes it is cute, but sometimes it is just sad."

"I'm going with sad right now," Elrohir finished his brother's comment.

The silence was awkward. Haldir didn't know what to say. The twins were right.

"Elladan," Elrohir asked, "Can you get me some water?"

Grateful for the chance to do something useful, Haldir spoke up. "I can go get some," he said a tad too eagerly.

"We can both go," Elladan said, "We need more than a canteen full."

The pair walked the short distance to the stream. The night was clear and cold with sharp bright stars. Both were carrying as many bottles as they could, and both began to fill them from the frigid stream.

The last canteen was full when Elladan wiped his hands on his cloak and turned to Haldir, cupping his cold cheek in his hand. For a moment, Haldir was afraid Elladan would kiss him.

"Don't," the word was out of his mouth before he could stop it. "I mean, it wasn't like that, I shouldn't have . . ." He couldn't get the right words out of his mouth.

Elladan just smiled with that quirky half smile he used to do as a kid and kept his hand where it was. "Calm down, Haldir. I wasn't trying to do anything. I just need to know that you are OK. Things aren't exactly going so great for you right now."

Haldir was struck speechless for a moment. "I'm sorry." Was all he could say.

"Don't be," Elladan assured him. "I had a great time." That lopsided grin again.

"So we're cool?" Haldir asked.

"More than," Elladan gave him a wink and collected his bottles. "Come on, Elrohir will think we fell in."


	16. Do, or do not There is no try

See the sunlight, we ain't stopping

Keep on dancing till the world ends

If you feel it let it happen

Keep on dancing till the world ends

-B. Spears

* * *

><p>The next day Maedhros managed to get to his feet, and travel along with the caravan. Every time they heard a rustle, a part of Maedhros' mind hoped it wasn't more undead, because he frankly wasn't even sure he could take them out as it was. Badger let him hold on to his mane in a death grip, and when they had walked for some hours Badger was what kept Maedhros moving forward.<p>

"Maddy?" Elrohir asked from the saddle, when he got no reply, he called again.

Finally Maedhros reacted, looking up at his grandson; he looked deathly pale, even his freckles that had made him look like an unruly kid, seemed gray and fading. Like life was drained out of the Fëanorian. "Is everything alright?" Maedhros asked, licking his dry lips.

"I see the tower!" Elrohir said with a huge smile, "We made it! Only a couple of hours left, and we'll be warm and dry... imagine that!"

"Imagine that." Maedhros said with a blissful smile, He had almost made it! He had almost gotten these elves all the way. He didn't feel like he would ever be warm and dry again in his life. He felt contagious and cold to the bone. Elladan suddenly appeared at his side, and looked just as worried as his twin.

"Maybe you should get on the horse, Maddy. The scout said he saw a pretty large group of those undead things moving this way. And our only chance now is to outrun them." Elladan said softly, "And honestly you don't look like you can run."

Maedhros nodded. "You're a good kid." But didn't move to get on the horse, instead he pushed away from the horse; "You take the reins, and get your brother to safety." He smiled a little troubled at Elladan. "Go Elladan, just go!" Maedhros started to stagger the other way, labored by the deep snow and his tired legs.

"Where are you going?" Elladan yelled after him.

"I'm going to fucking kill as many of those assholes as I can." Maedhros said, pulling out his rifle as he walked in the opposite direction of the Quarantine zone, and towards where Elladan had said there would be a group of undead.

"But you can't..." Elladan squared his shoulders and started to follow Maedhros in the snow, "I'm going with you then."

"No!" Maedhros yelled, turning around to face Elladan, "You can't, you have to take your people to the Havens." He mellowed a little staring at Elladan who looked absolutely determined. "And Elrohir, think of him."

"He'll be fine." Elladan said, stopping in front of Maedhros. "You won't."

"No I won't." Maedhros said, and took a deep breath of the crystal clear air, "I'm gonna miss the outside, I'm gonna miss your crazy ass too. Tell your dad that I'm proud of him when you see him. He raised some excellent sons. Maybe a little crazy, but Elrond was never quite right either." He smiled genuinely at Elladan who looked confused. "I got bit; I won't ever get into the Havens. Please Elladan, join the rest and let me do this."

"Does Haldir know this?" Elladan asked.

Maedhros nodded, "I made him swear not to tell you." The caravan got further and further ahead, and Maedhros looked over his shoulder, thinking he saw movement in the horizon for a moment. "Please kid, don't make me beg, or draw my gun on you... Go! Run!"

Elladan hesitated for a moment, and then hung his head in a slow nod before he turned around and ran back to the steadily moving caravan of elves. Maedhros let out a sigh of relief and turned his back to the Havens and looked out the other way to see if he could see any of the undead. It would be fucking funny if it turned out to be those freaks from Mirkwood who had taken off before the caravan. He looked up into the air and sighed, "So this is how it's gonna be, huh?" He swayed and fell down to his knees in the snow. He heard footsteps behind him but wasn't alarmed, something told him he knew who it was. "You always were an asshole." He grinned.

"Likewise." Haldir said softly and came to a standstill next to Maedhros staring off into the horizon too. "We made it, though."

"That we did." Maedhros said with a tiny smile, "Too bad I never got to fuck you though, that would have made my middle-earth experience perfect."

Haldir looked down at him with an unwanted grin and a faint blush. "Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good moment like that?"

Maedhros shrugged, "Just felt like telling you."

"Asshole," Haldir said with a sad smile.

"Prig," Maedhros replied and tried to smile.

"You don't have to do this," Haldir pleaded. "Surely you have fulfilled any obligations you had. Whatever deal you made didn't say you had to get eaten by the undead to full fill it."

"I'm dead either way, Haldir," Maedhros said wearily. "Might as well make it count for something. It's this or eat a bullet in a couple hours."

Haldir flinched at the harsh words.

"You know it's true," Maddy tried to soften his tone, "So at least let me pretend I'm useful. You get the fuck out of here and get my grandsons to the Havens." He struggled back to his feet.

The sounds of the approaching undead were getting louder. Haldir had to make a choice. Stay and die with Maedhros or get back to the cluster of elves he was supposed to be helping. Impulsively, he grabbed Maddy and kissed him. It was not as tentative as the first time a couple days before. He pulled back and looked into the absurdly pretty green eyes and felt a lump rise in this throat, threatening to choke him. "I'll be seeing you," he managed to get out around what felt like a boulder, and turned to rejoin the group. He only looked back once, to see Maddy Checking his guns as the first undead shambled into sight.

Maedhros took down two undead with no trouble, the next couple of them was a little harder since he wasn't as fast as he would have liked. As the last of the small front group of the undead lay dead Maedhros sagged down in the snow, weakly digging through his pocket he found two slugs which he armed his rifle with, he flinched as he slammed it shut. "This fucking sucks, just thought I'd let you know." He said out into the air, not sure if Mandos was watching him, His breath hitched as he turned the muzzle on himself, his eyes fixed on the horizon where he could see a much larger group undead emerge. "I fucking hate you." He mumbled, he closed his eyes and nestled the barrel under his chin. Maedhros took a deep breath, and started to count down from ten.

Both Elladan and Haldir flinched as they heard the last gunshot ring out.

The column of elves and horses struggled through the snow, grimly trying to stay ahead of the horde. No one dared ask Haldir about Maddy, and the twins weren't talking either. The knowledge that he may have bought them just enough time to get to the Havens was the only thing that kept them from despair. None of them wanted his last act to be in vain.

Exhausted, wet and heartbroken, they finally found themselves at the gates to the Havens. When Haldir left, it had already been full; about to burst at the seams, not it was eerily quiet. No one acknowledged their calls and beating on the gates.

With little time left before they were overtaken by the undead pursuing them, Haldir finally gave in and found a weak spot in the gate and forced it open. The small group poured into the gap and he and twins hurried to fix the damage before they were overcome. Inside was a mess. The streets were almost silent, small cooking fires barely seen against the gray sky, personal belongings littered the gutters, and the buildings looked at sad and bereft as the survivors felt.

The undead slammed against the gates before Haldir could think on it anymore. The makeshift barrier shuddered but held. It was the sounds of the hungry zombies that finally drew the few remaining occupants of the town out of their shelters.

It felt like it took forever to destroy the pack of ghouls that had followed them, and the sun was almost gone before the last fell into the bloody snow outside. Haldir leaned against the gate and closed his eyes.

"You made it just in time," A familiar voice said above him. Haldir looked up to see the haggard face of the elf that had been trying to keep order in unplanned refugee city. "The last ship leaves tomorrow morning."

"That's great news," Haldir tried to sound happy. "So that means they let everyone sail?"

The elf sat next to him in the trampled snow. "Such an optimist," he said sadly as he shook his head. "First born only, friend. Everyone else got told to fuck off and figure it out themselves." He gestured to the mess around them. "We lost at least 100 elves to the rioting and I lost count of the number of humans." He sighed.

"But there are only a handful of us left here, waiting for the last ship. Everyone else was sent away after the first ship. Some of those creatures you just killed were probably some of them."

Haldir felt sick. He really had hoped that these people would be allowed to go. But at least his group would be leaving. He had to swallow hard to keep from blurting out the truth. The guilt of not warning anyone about the change in the infection, the longer incubation period, was eating him up. But he had promised his people to get them to a ship, and that is what he had done. He couldn't ruin it now .

"In the morning then." Haldir pushed himself back to his feet. He could at least give these elves a little good news.

When Maedhros woke he woke with a jolt, and instinctively he felt his face, it was intact like it had been before he had chosen to cleave it with a shotgun. Gingerly he lifted his shirt and checked where the bite mark had been, but now there was only a faint pink scar. He looked around in the dim light realizing he was back where he started. Slowly he stood on wobbly legs, he felt like he had just run a marathon or something. he inched along the wall to the door, and banged it. "Yo assholes! Get me the hell out of this cell!"

He rested up against the wall, and waited, he heard steps and keys. He blinked against the light, as the door opened. One guard handed him a pair of cotton pants that looked mostly like pajama bottoms. Maedhros didn't care, he just got into them, and let the guards shackle him so they could transfer him. Once out in the elevator, instead of going down they went up. Maedhros looked puzzled at the guards who wore stone faces. He wanted to know for how long he had been out, if the elves had made it to Valinor, if everything was alright, if Haldir was alright.. But he knew he would get no answer, only one guard was allowed to speak to him, and he wasn't here. The guards hauled him along a corridor on a floor he didn't know, and as they reached a huge iron door they undid the shackles, left the cuffs on his hand and feet, but left him with full movement. "What the?" Maedhros looked them up and down confused. It was not until the door swung up he knew why he was there. Inside the room stood five elves. "Papa!" Maedhros gasped, stepping into the room, "And you.. Eru.. It has been long.."

"Son." Fëanor looked saddened at the sight of his eldest.

But Maedhros had no time to register that, he was more busy with hugging his brothers, and in this moment it had been worth it all, all the shit he went through to stand here. "It feels wrong." Caranthir said pulling his brother in for another hug, "To leave you here like that."

"Don't think about that." Maedhros felt his eyes sting with happy tears to see them all standing right here, like it was yesterday they last stood here together in Valinor. "I like to think I got a pretty sweet deal," Maedhros voice broke, and he just hugged his brother again.

Fëanor grabbed Maedhros' shoulder who reluctantly let go of his brother to face his father. Both pairs of green eyes met, Fëanor looked away and down at Maedhros' arm stump, picking it up, stroking it strangely tenderly. Maedhros had never in his life felt more aware of his handicap as he did in this very moment. "I'm sorry papa." Was all he could say, knowing it was his own stupidity that had gotten him caught to begin with.

"Your brothers told me that you fight as well with your left arm as you did with your right." Fëanor said softly.

"Better," Maedhros said timidly, even if it was the truth.

Fëanor nodded in approval. "What you did for your brothers is.. I'm proud of you." He pulled his estranged son in for an awkward embrace.

Maedhros melted in his fathers arms, those words, he had waited for en eternity to hear them. "I love you papa." He mumbled with a muddy tone, only letting go of his father as Fëanor held out his son studying him, but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by a loud bang on the door, indicating they should wrap it up.

Maedhros suddenly felt a terrible loss when Fëanor let go of him completely. To have his family back only to lose them again. "Write me?" He said with a cocky smile that didn't harmonize with his sorrowful tone.

"Of course." Amras said, hugging his brother.

The doors behind Maedhros opened and the guards came back, collecting him. "Tell the boyscout Haldir-bubblebutt that he should send me some nudes." Maedhros said grinning.

Fëanor shook his head amused, and Caranthir howled with laughter. Curufin nodded with a dirty grin, "I will brother. I will."

And with that Maedhros was pulled back out into the hall in silence and the doors closed, and even if it was with a heavy heart he left his family, he was smiling because he knew that they would be fine, they were free, and it was all his making. Also he had just gotten the best idea for a new tattoo, after all that wasn't a whole lot else to do in the solitary cells of the Halls.


	17. You cant change what people are, withou

This is the end folks.. we're brewing on a sequel, because after all it WAS harder to get those two stupid elves to hook up than we thought. Plus you never really need a reason to write about the Zombie apocalypse, where ever it may be. ;)

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><p>Haldir spent yet another day staring at the ocean. He sat on a rock with his back to a forest staring out at the water. Part of him hoped to see just one more ship coming from the east, even though he knew it would not happen. Any left in Middle Earth were now permanently cut off from the west.<p>

In his hand he still held a pen and a note book. He had written and rewritten a letter to Maddy enough times that he was now down to only a couple of sheets of paper left on the tablet. The page in front of him was blank.

What was he to say? I hope you are alive? I hope you get out some day? Thanks for dying so we could be here? It all sounded lame once he wrote it down. He also wondered if the Valar had accepted Maddy's sacrifice and released his family like he had asked. You had to be careful when making deals with the Valar, like fairies and demons, you might be surprised what you actually agreed to.

Feeling melancholy, Haldir was actually startled when he heard voices further down the beach. It sounded like Elladan and Elrohir, but he didn't recognize the other voices. He looked up and saw a small group walking near the water. The two dark heads were the twins. Elrohir had recovered faster than expected once they reached the shores of Valinor and had dyed his hair back to match his brother's. They were once again nearly identical.

Haldir smiled to himself. At least things were working out for someone.

The cool breeze off the water blew steadily and as the four elves got closer, Haldir's heart stopped. Read hair. The tall elf walking between the twins had long red hair that waved in the breeze. His first thought was Maddy. Even though Maedhros had cut his hair short, this would not be the same body he had the last time Haldir saw him.

But it was wishful thinking. This was not Maddy. Then the fourth elf came into view, he had been hidden from view as he pulled something out of the small waves lapping at the sand. He too had deep red hair. He almost bounced in excitement as he showed whatever he had found to the other three.

Haldir felt disappointment despite knowing there was no way Maddy had been returned. He realized he had been standing in his excitement and sat dejectedly. He was about to start trying to write a letter to Maddy again when it suddenly dawned on him. There were not many elves those could be. He was looking at Amrod and Amras.

The Valar had released Maedhros' brothers. Excited, Haldir jumped back to his feet again and placed the notebook on the rock he had been sitting on. Without thinking about what he was going to say, he rushed down to the beach and the two sets of twins.

I wasn't until he was only a couple of feet from the group that he realized that he had no idea what to say. Luckily, Elladan saw him approaching and spoke first.

"Haldir!" He said excitedly. "Look who we found." He grinned at his friend.

Like a fool, Haldir found his mouth opening and closing again without a word coming out. The twin closest to him gave a smirk that looked so much like Maddy, that Haldir felt he might cry, and said. "I got the impression from Maedhros you were a bit more verbal."

"Ambarussa! The other twin scolded. "Be nice! Don't worry, Haldir," the other said, trying to smooth over his brother's harsh words. "We are both very glad to meet you. Maedhros had nice things to say about you."

Haldir blushed. "You got to see him?" he asked. He desperately wanted to ask lots of questions, but found himself too shy in the presence of these two frighteningly beautiful elves.

"Briefly," the first twin answered. "They didn't give us much time, but yes." The other finished.

Forgetting his shyness, Haldir blurted out, "You do it to!" The habit of Elladan and Elrohir of speaking like they were only one person had always made him crazy, and he had assumed it was something peculiar to the sons of Elrond.

"Of course," Elladan said. "They said Father and Elros did it to." Elrohir finished.

Haldir narrowed his eyes, and glared and the dark haired elves. "You did that on purpose."

All four laughed. Haldir wasn't sure if he should feel put out or not.

"Have you been to see him yet?" The second twin asked suddenly. "I am sure he would like for you to." The first added.

Haldir looked down at the ground and blushed. "I…I wasn't sure if I should," he finally admitted.

The first red haired twin sighed melodramatically. "Really? . . " That was all he got out because Elladan jumped in. "What Amrod is trying to say is, yes, you really should."

"He just wasn't going to say it that nicely." Amras added with a smirk at his indignant brother.

"You should talk, Ambarussa," Amrod snipped. "Just because you are more subtle doesn't mean you are any nicer.'

"Not at all," The second agreed.

Haldir rolled his eyes. "You four are bound to be great friends," he chuckled.

Haldir hadn't been sure what to expect. He had no idea what a prison might look like on the inside, and what he saw made him feel even more depressed for Maedhros. It had to be awful for the lively redhead.

He had been ushered into a small room with only one small, very high window. Haldir assumed this was all for show. Even if it had been possible for Maddy to escape, there was no where he could go that the Valar would not know where he was.

The door opened, and Haldir sighed with relief. Maddy looked like himself at least. After what had happened, Haldir had been afraid of what he would see.

Maedhros lit up in a bright smile, "You!" He cheered, "I thought it was my goddamn mother or something since I was put in a room to wait." He got up from his chair and strode over to Haldir holding out his arms expecting a hug, "What? No sugar?"

Haldir just stared at Maedhros, still hard to understand he looked every bit like himself, and just gave in and took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Maedhros' waist, pulling him in close.

"What did you tell the Warden?" Maedhros whispered softly, "That we got married in middle earth or something?"

"What? No." Haldir chuckled.

Maedhros rested his head on Haldir's shoulder and inhaled, his hand slowly moving lower encouraged by the Marchwarden not protesting. "These rooms are for them married folks - private." Maedhros placed a lazy kiss on Haldir's neck, loving the way it made the Marchwarden squirm. "Normally I'd just get to talk through a window. Never had a visitor like.." He smiled against Haldir's skin, "This."

"Your father burned a bunch of your mother's stuff out on the street the other day." Haldir grinned, he knew now was not the time, but he had been dying to tell Maedhros this since he had seen it.

"That doesn't surprise me." Maedhros stuck his hand up under Haldir's shirt and ran it over soft skin.

"Before he hauled her over his shoulder and made off with her." Haldir grinned and sighed at the same time, wondering how this touch he had never felt could feel so right.

"That doesn't surprise me either." Maedhros whispered hotly in Haldir's ear.

Haldir twirled them around and made Maedhros step backwards till he hit the wall. "I have been thinking about this for too long." Haldir said with an appreciative growl, burying his hands in Maedhros' hair, pulling his head back for a kiss.

"I have something to show you." Maedhros whispered breathless as the kiss ended, pulling his standard white t-shirt over his head, pointing at his left side where red neon letters tattooed said 'fuck me I'm famous'. He grinned. "I got quite attached to that t-shirt."

Haldir refused to let the light tone make him forget why he was pinning Maedhros to a wall to begin with. "Is that a request, or a command?" He asked with a sneaky smile.

The light in Maedhros' eyes seemed to change by those words, and his smile grew to a grin. "It's an offer, cupcake." He answered.

It wasn't the most romantic place in Valinor, and Haldir couldn't help but to feel slightly cheesy when he had a second to think about it, soon after all thoughts of appearances were gone, and all he thought about was how absolutely fucking good it felt, and how he had never imagined Maedhros would make such adorable little noises. He had more thought that he would say something lewd like 'give it to me' or something, but he didn't, he just closed his eyes in abandon and the only sound heard was those drawn out soft moans.

It was not till they were both spent, laying on the bed with paper linen, that Maedhros just had to say something dumb, "Eru." He grinned as he panted, "I will wank to this for the next month."

"Honestly, Maddy." Haldir grinned rolling his eyes, not sure if he should be grossed out, or if it was indeed a compliment. He turned his head and smiled at the red head, "Let's do this again, soon."

"Yeah, let's." Maedhros grinned back. "That was.. Worth it." He mumbled rolling over and spooned up to Haldir.

"Don't tell me you're a cuddler." Haldir whispered with a smile, wrapping his arm around Maedhros running his hand over the other elf's tattoo covered skin.

"In the most manly way." Maedhros mumbled back, pulling Haldir in closer.

For a while they just lay there and listened to their breathing come back to normal. Both jumped as a loud knock was heard, indicating that their time was coming to a close. Maedhros sighed heavily and sat up, reaching for his pants. "Haldir, I have to say this, once and I will never say it again." He turned his head and looked at the baffled Marchwarden. "I will never get out of here," His expression got hard and fragile at the same time, "So if you chose to move on eventually, I'll understand." He kissed Haldir's shoulder closest to him, "Just let me know, okay? Don't leave me guessing."

"That sounds official." Haldir smiled, realised he didn't mind that at all, if he read what Maedhros was saying right.

"What the hell did you expect? A ring?" Maedhros muttered sourly, but the smile never left his lips.

"A ring would be mundane, wouldn't it?" Haldir teased back.

Maedhos pulled his pants up and turned around facing Haldir, looking strangely unsure, not something that happened often. "Would you want one?" He asked, "A ring I mean. Because I think I could get one if.."

"I don't need a ring," Haldir said softly, deciding that he loved this soft side to his lover, a side he had hoped was there, but he just had never really seen. "What I need is a weekly visitors pass." He smiled deviously, happily noticing that MAedhros' smile grew to a grin.

Day turned to weeks, weeks to months and then months into years and still Haldir came to Maedhros. He moved into a little house where he could see the ocean and still be close to Maddy. Sometimes he felt melancholy as he watched the other couples living their lives happily together. He would go home to his empty house and listen to the waves on the sand and think about what it might be like if Maddy was actually there.

The twins came by frequently. All of them. At first it was hard to get used to Maedhros' brothers being around. They looked so much like him that sometimes it hurt to watch them. They even once offered to "help him take his mind of it." And the offer WAS tempting, but Haldir knew it would hurt Maddy when he found out. And he would, because Haldir was incapable of keeping a secret like that from him.

In town, he would see Feanor and Nerdanel. He could see where Maddy got his spirit. And deep down he felt slightly jealous.

The pink morning light filtered through the windows, staining the white walls a fragile rose. The salt air breeze made the curtains wave gently and Haldir gently brushed the red hair from Maddy's face. His lover slept peacefully next to him, bright copper streaks in the auburn locks.

Haldir sighed sadly and pulled the pillow closer, hoping to get s few more minutes of sleep. Maybe one more dream before he had to get up.

THE END.


End file.
